Walking in the Light of His Presence

15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,
    who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.
16 They rejoice in your name all day long;
    they celebrate your righteousness.

Psalm 89:15-16

8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:8

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

2 Peter 1:2

The word acclaim in Psalm 89 means to praise enthusiastically and publicly. To rejoice is to feel or show great delight. As Christians, do we do that very often? I have to admit I haven't always been all that enthusiastic or full of joy while speaking on the things of the Lord. 

Oh, I'm thankful and give Him the praise and glory for my multiple blessings. I even tell others about the wonderful things the Lord has done in my life. But, am I lacking passion or fire while giving testimony of His love and faithfulness towards me?  There's no doubt I am thankful for His provisions, but is it enough to be just thankful? Am I crossing that fine line to being "lukewarm"? ("So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Revelations 3:6)

While I'm doing my best at keeping my eyes on the Lord and reaching out to Him to keep from being shaken off my foundation, am I letting the distractions in life cause me to turn away and look somewhere else, allowing  me to loose my balance? 

I desire grace and peace and all the blessings Jesus wants to hand me.  They may be free, but if I am not continually seeking out knowledge of Him, and his presence, how can I receive what He has for me? Especially if I'm too distracted by all that is going on in the world.

God very much wants a relationship with us. That's why we were created. We're all created with a longing, a desire, a hole in our heart that only He can fill. Often we look to too many people and things to fill that hole to give us peace and contentment. If we would just realize, it isn't people and things that that will bring us peace and contentment, it's the presence of Lord. We need to always be seeking and inviting His presence into every aspect of our lives. 

When we live in His presence we will be able to be more aware of the things of God and less of the things of man. At the same time our attentiveness  to the needs of others and  our ability to love and encourage will grow. I believe we are to be in the world, but not necessarily par takers of ALL it has to offer. Through God's presence and peace, our out word behavior will enable us to not be shaken when problems arise and set an example to those still trying to fill that empty hole in their hearts. We never know who is watching us. People who are watching may be our children who need a godly example to follow when problems come. It may be a coworker or fellow church member suffering in their own private turmoil. There's watching us could very well be nonbelievers just waiting to see us slip up. When you live your life out in the presence of the Lord, people take notice.

When we completely follow this path set before us, to seek and invite His presence, get a glimpse of the hope and future HE has for our lives, shouldn't we get excited and rejoice when HE shows up? Even in public? 

Mixed up, Not in the Right Place

Ever feel all mixed up, not in the right place, or that something just doesn't seem to fit quite right?

For some people it's just a bad or an off day. For others, they are completely outta whack. For me, it's been an off and on feeling for most of my life. I've often felt out of place, or that I don't have it all quite together, and sometimes I feel like there must be something seriously wrong with me.

 I believe anyone, including me can have this feeling about any area, or even all areas of life at one time or another. I suppose there are many reasons a person may feel this way. It may be that you believe the lies or harsh criticism spoken over you in your life by others you looked up to,  the influence you've allowed others to have over your life, or even poor decisions you made or that were made for you. If you've already surrendered your life to Christ, you may be living in a manor that goes against what He expects of you, and not following HIS lead, or just plain ol' living in a way that doesn't reflect your true self. All of these things, and I'm sure much more, can cause a person to feel out of place, mixed up, or just not fitting in. 

The feeling of not being good enough or the thought, " if someone really knew me, they wouldn't like me much" has plagued me for quite some time. Ya  know what that really is? Fear! As my husband says, False Evidence Appearing Real. It's very hard not to give into it. Satan is a sly one and his evidence is quite impressive at times. But it is important to always remember, 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." If God didn't give us the spirit of fear, you know it came from the Devil himself, don't accept it! We have power over him and the love of God in us and a sound mind to think clearly and make wise and educated decisions. 

About a year and a half ago on our way home from out honeymoon, Tim and I stopped to attend church and someone we actually knew was there, how random! ( not really, in God's world) anyhow this person was a worship leader in another church and he too happened to be passing through. While we were there he asked to pray over us. Now I had never met him and it had been a while since Tim had seen him, so this friend didn't know too much if anything about me at s. Yet, he prayed a prayer of boldness over me. To me that was a very scary and dangerous prayer for him to pray over me. Now, I've had many people pray over me in my life time, but this was the only prayer that I actually remember all of. Others, I just remembered that this person or that prayed for me, rarely do I remember the content or  context the way this prayer keeps coming back. BOLDNESS, me bold for the cause of Christ? I'm unworthy and too mixed up to do so. At least that's the lie I believe. 

Now, I'm actually to the point where I have a desire to be bold but not much of an outlet to do so. However, I fear if I was presented with an outlet other than a blog, or some online social media I could hide behind, I'd probably panic and choke, or at the very least, drag my feet about it. There it is, living with out following HIS lead. Being afraid of of failure or not being good enough, or not really having a calling. Prayers will be hindered and complete peace withheld if I continue to resist His will out of fear. 

14 Consider the flowing verse, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

God created us the way we are for a reason. We aren't called to fit in or be like other people, because He didn't make us like other people.  I believe the word fearfully in this verse is used the same way as when the Bible speaks of the fear of the Lord, meaning to have reverence or respect for God. In that case we should appreciate  the life given to us. He doesn't just create us for no reason and leave us here. He knows our life circumstances and our needs. Matthew 6:25-34 reminds us that He is aware of our physical needs, He does care about us, and will provide us with what we need.  So we do need to be thankful instead of afraid of life. In the same verse, the word ‘wonderfully’ may be defined as unique. We're made unique, special and with a purpose and a plan. Ephesians 2:10 says,"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." We're all different and have different gifts as stated in 1 Corinthians 12. The desires and the way you please God will be unique to you. We don't have to worry about fitting in or doing something like everyone else. We or more to the point, I don't have to worry about what others think to, I only need to live the way God intended  me to. That means following  His Word and trusting Him to lead.

So there is nothing to fear, no place to try to fit in and nothing wrong with me. God knows my physical and emotional needs. He has put me where He wants me, All I have to do is follow His lead. 

So when I'm called out of my box and to stretch a little more I need to keep this in mind. My hope and future rests in HIM not fear, where's yours?

Fully Given Over to the Lord or Buried?

Fully Given Over to the Lord or Buried?

Sometimes I look over my life, all the good and bad, all the ups and downs, all things worthy of praise and those that are not so much, and think, "man, I could/should write a book!" As many know, by reading my first blog post here, I've had some serious struggles in life, but I've also had some amazing blessings! One amazing blessing is my Amazing Man, Tim. He has enabled me to grow in ways I didn't even know we're possible and shown me some of the deeper things of God.

However, as hard as it is to believe, there is something greater than my Amazing Man! It is my Amazing God! At 43 years old I'm learning, seeing, and understanding God on a whole new level. I've always understood the idea that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's people and their ideas about life and standards of living that change. Although, if we are intentionally, purposefully seeking God and His truths, He'll reveal them to us. 

He doesn't throw it all at us at once; He takes His time as He sees we're ready. He reveals what He wants us to know in layers ( thinking of Shrek's analogy of onions and their layers here). Thin layers are carefully pulled back only to reveal anew one. As each new layer is pulled off you get closer to the center of who God really is, who you are, and what He wants you to become in Him. 

This past weekend, Friday night and Saturday, Tim and I went to a conference expecting God to show up, show us some cool thing about ourselves, or to gain greater insight into who God is, and to find some direction as to where He was going to lead us. We also went, to seek out some more healing of wounded hearts caused by past experiences. Honestly, I was mostly going to be a supportive wife and to maybe learn how I could better help people with their struggles in the future. I didn't really think I needed it. Sadly, the conference itself was a bit of a let down. Yet, God can use ALL things for His glory, even a conference with out much direction, power, or passion. I did learn a few things that weren't the intent of the speaker. Some of it was reaffirmed in Sunday's church service.

The conference seemed to me, like one of the many groups I had to attend after finally ending my stays in the psyche ward. (For more info about that go back to my first blog post ) I was quite irritated about it. Hashing out old junk in my opinion, often just re-wounds.  Even though we left the conference feeling let down, we were still seeking something from God. Maybe there were some things from my past I needed to revisit?? The answer to that did sink in at Sunday's church service. Through much prayer and discussion on the 2 hour drive home, and a testimony, a sermon, and words spoken over us at church Sunday we found what God had laid out for us all along. 

We had to see and understand these truths before God could move us forward in the direction He has for us. For Tim, he needed to realize that he wasn't a "former pastor" of a church which closed the doors and ended due to his past failed marriage, (as he always introduces himself) but a pastor who is STILL called in a different season of life with a future containing hope and purpose. This truth was kept buried from Tim because I believe, it was buried under guilt instead of fully given over to God. 

For me I needed to see, although I've been healed from so much brokenness and moved on, there are some pieces of my broken heart I chose to bury deep and keep hidden away, (as if you can hide anything from God) instead of trusting God with all the pieces and giving them to Him to mend. If I can't trust Him with all the pieces of my heart, even the jagged ugly ones, how can He trust me with assisting in the furthering of His Kingdom?

We can't keep old wounds from the past buried instead of giving it all to the Lord. When we hide pieces of ourselves from God and go on living life in places we don't fit in, in order to avoid reminders of the pain, like Moses, (as we learned in Acts 7 Sunday) it keeps us disengaged from the Lord's plan and purpose for our life. I did that for 22 years! When Moses knew he was called by the Lord, he took matters into his own hands, and did it his way and failed miserably. He ran away and started a new life far away from his old life. While he tried to make the best of it, he never belonged there or fit in. He was disengage from all things God called him to. It wasn't until the Lord got ahold of him with that burning bush that he fully gave it all to the Lord and allowed God to re-engage him. Oh, how I can relate to that today, I'm sure Tim can too. So maybe this weekend WAS our burning bush. It didn't happen the way we expected, but God is often the God of the unexpected.

I'm so blessed to have a husband who not only understands and can relate to all I had buried and hidden away, that kept me from fully serving the Lord, but a husband who I can walk beside and stay encouraged as I encourage him to be completely given over to the Lord's calling. At least it didn't take us 40 years! We're still younger than Moses, it is time to re-engage and start following God's purpose and plan for our lives, the only plan that includes hope in our future.

Are you disengaged? Maybe it's time to let the Lord re-engage you. Let Him have all the pieces that are buried so he can mend them and you can claim all that He has for you!

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

FYI First blog post

http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

Suicidal Nation**Edited**

Suicidal Nation

In October 2003, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a speech promoting or discouraging I'm not sure which, Victor Hanson Davis's book, Mexifornia "Exposing the plan to destroy America." Recently I heard it replayed on a radio program.  It has really stuck with me! I went looking for it online and found it in print. I actually found it in many places and apparently the speech was given more than once. Google it.  It's scary that this democrat, 12 years ago, described exactly how a great country like the USA could be destroyed in 8 steps. He said:

"If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.'" 

So, how do all great nations commit suicide?   Before the speech began, I thought, do nations really do that? As I listened I understood more than I wanted to. It's scary that we as a nation have come so close so fast! It's never too late to turn back, but will our country turn back? Have we already made the cut so deep we'll just bleed out? Will we seek the truth that will enable the bleeding to stop or are we just ready to lay down, close our eyes to the truth, and die?

Lamm goes on to say, "First to destroy America, Turn America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country. History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar Seymour Lipset put it this way: 'The histories of bilingual and bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy. Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, Lebanon all face crises of national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, and Corsicans." 

English, as I always thought, was the language we should all speak. My great grand parents coming over from Sweden in the early 1900s, thought so. It's part of assimilation, or absorbing into and becoming a part of a wider society, people ideals, and culture. Nothing wrong with holding on to your native language, speak it among your friends and family and in your home, but LEARN ENGLISH TOO. If not it causes further separation. How would laws and the constitution be understood without knowing English?  We shouldn't be pushing another button for another language.

Lamm continued to say, "Second, to destroy America, "Invent 'multiculturalism' and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. I would make it an article of belief that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural differences. I would make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are due to prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds."

Third, "We could make the United States a 'Hispanic Quebec' without much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: 'The apparent success of our own multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been achieved! Not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentrically and what it meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us together.'" 

Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own language and culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to ensure that we have various cultural subgroups living in America reinforcing their differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similarities."  

I love that description, and hate it. It is a correct view and a good way to see it, but it makes me sad.  America doesn't seem to be a melting pot any more where many come together and melt as one. It's a salad bowl where many have come together and yet stay separate. Cultures clash and unity is diminishing. 

"Fourth" as Lamm says, "I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high school." 

Still he continued, "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think their lack of success was the fault of the majority. I would start a grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority population." 

Don't we see this happening now?! it's today's reality...

"My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual citizenship and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity. I would stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical precedent. People undervalue the unity! Unity is what it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they possessed a common language and literature; and they worshiped the same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic Games. 

A common enemy Persia threatened their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to over come two factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. 

"E. Pluribus Unum" — From many, one. In that historical reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we can balkanize America as surely as Kosovo." 

"Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits ~ make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'x! xenophobes' halt discussion and debate."

Sounds a lot like political correctness to me and like  all the things that we are being forced to accept as being the new right thing to believe. 

Finally Lamm adds, "Having made America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-culturism, having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I would next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America, it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them." 

So, to recap... We take away our national language, create multiculturalism, accept only  tolerance and pluralism, and celebrate diversity instead of unity, blame minority's failure on the majority population, grant dual citizenship/dual loyalties, create political correctness, and open our borders wide open because that is what America was founded on people looking for a better place to live. Who cares about all the strain and tension all these concepts puts on a country? When your open to everything, you never know what you're going to let in. Turn your head or close your eyes you'll miss out on what is coming at you. In our world today, it's not always going to be good. Are people ready to accept the consequences of their actions? Good and BAD? 

While our world and country are changing fast, it's not the country my family members proudly choose to defend across the generations, we are rushing into something big, and still my Hope and future will lie in Jesus Christ! Where is yours?

20 What sorrow for those who say
    that evil is good and good is evil,
that dark is light and light is dark,
    that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. Isaiah 5:20

 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.

2 Timothy 4:3

Who and what are we listening to? What do we want to hear?

"If we don't hang together, we'll hang separately,"- Ben Franklin 

Behold

Hal-le-lujah Hal-le-lujah..

Rise and shine 

your light has arrived! 

So, I tell Ya, I don't do visions and have words of knowledge. Not that I don't believe in them. I strongly believe God still works in ALL the gifts of the spirit. (Which is a little bit of a new concept for me.) I just haven't experienced them all myself, yet. I don't believe you need to have or use these gifts to show that you're saved, but you do receive them when and where God wants you to use them. That's what I would have told you before 7pm last Saturday!

Last Saturday I attended a night of worship at a pastor friend's church. It was just a time to sing worship songs to the Lord. Surprisingly, it lasted 3 hours! To me it didn't feel like it. I went into it not knowing what to expect. Just thought we'd go there see a few people we haven't seen in a while, and sing a few songs and go home. But what happened was a little bit more... Okay a lot. 

A lot of the songs we sang weren't ones I was real familiar with, but since the words were up on a screen they were easy absorb and let them wash over you. Now, I've been praying for awhile that God would speak to me and show me the gifts he has for me or to make the direction he is leading clear so that I could better live my life for His Glory. Although I'm saved, I just recently witnessed healings, amazing answers to prayer, people having words of knowledge, and even people speaking in tongues. (A lot I believe to be very real, and others, not so much) All things I once strongly believed weren't relevant in today's world. But, God has showed me different, in ways I never thought possible. During last Saturday's night of worship was one of those ways!

As we sang I believe God was showing me a "vision", a complete review of my life starting from when I was born until now. Of course I know the story of my life, I was there. I've also been reminded of when I was borne and  the circumstances surrounding the event. I've  recounted the story over the years, especially this last year as part of my testimony. What made this "vision" unique was that I was seeing it all like a movie and from a different perspective. 

As some know from reading my first blog post, I wasn't expected to live. My mom had trouble carrying babies to full term. In fact the three babies she had before me died. Being the fourth baby and my heart stopping, it seemed as if I wasn't going to be any different from the previous 3 babies. However, I had an aunt who prayed with all her heart that if I lived she would do all she could to make sure I would grow up and knew the saving power of Jesus! There was a spiritual battle raging around me from the moment I was borne, and in this "vision" I saw the battle. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I've tried not to focus on the difficult times in my life, as I've had a lot, but I've had a lot of good in my life as well as family members who showed me a lot of love. Although, in this "vision" I revisited all the instances of sexual, mental, and physical abuse in my life, the times of loneliness and the times of abandonment, and the horribly scary times staying in mental institutions, the bad choices I made in relationships, the struggle in a bad marriage, a very sick child, the fight to raise my children for the Lord when my environment was less than godly. It was all there, all the pain all the hurt... Then I got to see all the recent blessings the I received. 

 As I saw the battle rage around me with scary demons trying to hook their claws in me, God's love, light, and protection kept it all from being worse than it could have been. I also say glimpses of Tim's life, from him falling down the basement stairs at age 3 and cutting his eye and how his father carried him out. The emotional and physical abuse he endured from that same father who still loved him, the best he knew how. The trials in his previous married life and struggles of being the best father he could be considering the environment he was in. Then I saw the blessings and struggles of our current life together. All of this continued as I viewed it through the lenses that allowed me to see the unseen world around us.

I've been content in the past assuming the answer to the question why was because some day I would not only be restored, but that it would be a great witness to others and maybe even help someone facing a similar situation.

Now here's where it gets weird for me (as if it wasn't already weird)... Everything changed, it was like a dream, I'd like to say I fell asleep, but I was standing in a room singing with a bunch of other people standing and singing. My eyes were closed though, so either a super vivid imagination or "vision". I would open my eyes, look around to see that I was still there, in the sanctuary where everyone was singing. I close my eyes and I was somewhere else. I opened and closed my eyes a few times and well... with eyes closed, I was standing next to Tim in a round room, with no doors or windows. When I first found myself there, everything around me was spinning, then stopped, and I saw everything clearly. The floor and walls were all gold, I didn't look up to see the ceiling and I didn't look forward because that is where God was.  The gold was bright and shiny and there were darker gold flecks of, I don't know what, floating around in the air. We went from standing to kneeling. I had many questions but only got two answers. The answer to why, became more clear. It was/is training. Why did we have to go through so much? "To strengthen us because" HE has "a job for us to do." When, what is it? I just got, "be patient and wait, the answer will come when it is time. Not giving me all the information it is supposed to keep me looking toward HIM." So, is that's pretty weird or what!?

I chose to share all of that (even with the small fear of sounding like a nut job) to say, even though I have professed to be a Christian for many years, and believe God never changes, He can and is revealing new things. Not that there are new revelations, but that He is giving new eyes to see things in different ways. He is slowly peeling back the veil and revealing more of His plan, the one that's always been there,  and a purpose to those who seek Him.  I believe not just to me, but to the world. Just, not everyone is seeking... We desperately need to be seeking His face, His will as our world is changing fast and plunging head first into something we may never be able to pull out of, not until HIS return! Are you seeking Jesus today?

The Door is Open and the Chains Are Gone!

Are you still sitting in that dark lonely pit of a dungeon, even though the door to your cell is opened and your chains are gone? Sunday the pastor at our church preached about deliverance and the idea that when something is delivered, it is removed or handed over from one grip to another. This idea has been rolling around my head for days now.

We've all been there, in the grips of that dungeon, sitting in a dark pit.  It looks different to each individual and sometimes it can change. We get fooled into thinking we're the only ones there, nobody else sees us, or even knows we're there. But Jesus not only knows, He has delivered us from that pit, the chains of our old life and actions have been removed. We've been set free! For some the pit that consumes them may be addictions, guilt, insecurities, depression, fear, and anxieties. The chains that hold them there are the labels placed on them by other people and lies spoken over them by the enemy. 

Acts 12:7-10 and Acts 16:16-38 is about Peter and then Paul and Silas's  delivery  from their prison and the chains that held them there. False accusations, which is what holds every believer who sits in the prison of depression, guilt, anxiety, shame, or any other spiritual sometimes emotional or mental ailment; it's what brought these godly men of Acts to their prison. Like Peter, Paul, and Silas, God delivered them straight out of the chains that held them there, we are also delivered from the chains that hold us down. 

While we may have been delivered we must take part in the getting out. God caused a great earthquake that loosened the chains of Paul and Silas, who were stripped and beaten, and thrown in prison with out a trial. They stayed faithful and waited on the Lord and took action at the appropriate time. In Peter's case an angel quietly came to his cell, released him from his chains, told him to get up, get dressed, and walk out. In both cases God could have just transported them from one place to another like Scotty beaming Kirk and Spock up to the Enterprise. God could have deceived the guards like Obi-wan Kneobi's Jedi mind tricks. But He didn't. Their deliverance was witnessed by others. 

We've been given the gift of freedom, but we have to accept it and use it. Stand up, walk out, and let it be a witness to others. Get out of that pit. The door to your cell is open and the chains are gone. Don't just sit there and use your past captivity as an excuse to not live out your future. There are times the devil deceives us into thinking we're still trapped and we can't do this or that, but give into it. It's hard when you have to start living out life the way God intended, it's can be full of new and never before seen experiences. God has a new and better plan for us than what we've lived while in the dungeons of life. And as many have read in my first blog post, I spent a long time in those dungeons.

For me, there was that guilt over sin already forgiven, anxiety, unfounded fears and depression. There were the labels of abused, used up, dysfunction, and disorder. There were the lies spoken about me that said I was not good enough, smart enough, or worthy.  I was crazy, unloveable, and ugly. If I allow myself I can sink back into the despair  of a that pit, that dungeon where nobody could see me or hear my cries. You see, I can allow myself return or I can walk out and live in freedom. Sometimes returning to the pit is easier, it's comfortable, familiar, and at one time all I knew. I knew how to live that way and knew what to expect. 

At times I still struggle with social anxiety, feelings if not being good enough, and the shadow of depression tries to stretch over me, but if I stand firm in the Lord, stay in HIS word, and out if the old cell deep in the dungeons of my past, I know I can stay free and victorious. I admit that sometimes it is easy for me to return and hide out there in order to keep from doing something I may be called to do, using the excuse of depression and anxiety, or listening to lies about being unworthy. In fact if I'm truthful, living as a broken down, depressed person, with social anxiety keeps me from doing the things I find difficult. I can use that pit to hide from new responsibilities. But is that what God wants for me? NO!

I've been delivered from the grip of Satan himself to the gentle but firm grip of the Lord God Almighty who has a hope and a future planned out for me! It is my responsibility to get out of my cell and walk in it! Are you content sitting in your cell, in the deep dark dungeons of life, bound up in chains, where nobody can see you, and you can pretend that you won't be held responsible for not taking more action in your life, or are you ready to step out and see what hope and future lies before you? Step out, life in Christ can be the greatest adventure!

Seek Adventure and Gain a Different View on Life

I hate that I continue to have such a heavy heart about the issues of the day. Not just my day to day struggle of making ends meet and being a productive person in society...

It seems to me, that our corner of the world has become completely upside down, very quickly! So many people have become completely blinded to truth. However, they are just as sure of their version of truth and reality as I am of mine. As I see it, there is only black or white, there doesn't seem to be any gray areas; there's only right and wrong.

Abortion and planned parenthood, gender identity and homosexuality, flags, racism, the right to bear arms, immigration and walls for protection, religion, Islam vs. Christianity, the U.S. vs. Christianity, wars, terrorism, nuclear deals, conservative vs. liberals, free health care, contraceptives, education, and housing. I'm sure there's more I'm leaving out. Each issue slapping us in the face daily. Everyone seems to stand firm with out wavering on their claim to what they believe is the only truth. 

I believe  our country is in a desperate place, it has gone too far off track. We've stepped over the line and there may be no turning back. Something has been set in motion, there has been a big shift, can you feel it?Many believe, we have always been moving forward and making progress. I ask, forward? In what direction, to where? Progress? To what goal? 

Remember the Romans 1 quote I copied and pasted in my last post? You can't tell me, none of that is today's reality. The gist of the whole passage in that post is found  in verse 28, "Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done."

What happens when a nation considered by many to be founded on the God of Christianity, turns their back on Him and does things that should never be done? You have those who care and those that don't. What is a person to do when they believe so many are going the wrong way? Continue to love and pray for those who can't see the truth, don't condone their actions, but don't condemn them either. 

It is times like these that I begin to feel so overwhelmed and worry about the world my grand children are going to grow up in. Today, it's harder to make a living, it's harder to see through the lies of the devil, it's just all around hard. That's when at the end of the week I look forward to the weekend with my Amazing Man, my husband. Each weekend we try and have an "adventure". It usually if not always consists of driving to no place in particular listening to an eclectic mix of music . We pray and ask God to join us on an adventure and show us some cool stuff, and He does!! Using only about 1/4 of a tank of gas, sometimes more. 

These adventures help us have a different perspective on the world we live in. It helps us see the beauty that still exists around us. Today I was reminded on Face Book how far I've come and how my life, while it has some struggles, it isn't quite so bad. Two years in a row, to the day I posted  Psalm 71:20, "Though you have made me see troubles many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Then a friend commented with, Job 8:7, "Though thy beginning was small, yet thy latter end should greatly increase." And Ya know, it really has!!! It is so important to take a step back and get a better view of the work the Lord has done and is doing in our lives and the world. "Adventures" are a great way to do it!

The pictures in this post are just a few of the recent things we've seen. We're so blessed to be able to take short breaks from the life we live and just explore with God. It restores our peace, and hope in our future and helps us reconnect with each other and God! When the world feels upside down and out of control, it's important to seek the beauty in God's creation and to be reminded of who's really in control.

 I think everyone should take time out and go explore, see what's around you, take a road you've never traveled before and escape from the day to day, if even if it's just for a few hours. 

 

Prayer

Prayer

Have you ever prayed for something for so long, you never thought it would be answered, and certainly not the way you hope? I have, in fact I prayed for about 18 out of the 22 years I was with my ex-husband for him to be the husband I wanted or needed. One that wasn't an raging alcoholic/drug addict. I prayed that my husband would be a Godly man. And if I couldn't have that I prayed that God would just make me learn to love my husband the way a wife should. I prayed for patients, peace, and understanding, and for God to just make me a better person so my husband would love me more.

Growing up, my own father wasn't around. My parents divorced when I was about 8 or 9 years old, part of it was due to the sexual abuse he inflicted on me. However, he still had visitation rights and flitted in and out of our lives with grand stories of his life to make  himself seem more interesting to my sister and I and make us want to see him. The sexual abuse may have stopped for me, so it seemed safe to my mom to allow us to visit. He really just found a way to get his fix with other victims. The emotional mind games began and kept me desperate to be that "good enough girl". However, by the time I was a senior in high school, my father was completely gone out of my life. 

Shortly after the divorce, my mom had a boy friend who lived with us off and on for 8 years. He was wonderful and caring; when he wasn't drinking. He was a Vietnam War Veteran who had been through and saw more things than any human should. While I did love him so much, his drunkin binges, verbal, and emotional abuse we (my mother, sister, and I) endured became too much to handle. I prayed that I would be good enough that he would love me, my mother, and my sister so that he would quit drinking and stay with us. Once I got older, at about 15 years old, I was fed up, and kicked him out, well at least I felt it was I who did it. After a long night of fighting and me yelling at him to leave and yelling at my mom for taking it, (not too unlike other nights) he didn't comeback. 

After all of that, my mom drank more, and withdrew, didn't really seem to know how to handle teenagers transitioning into adulthood, and was facing her own fear of being alone and not good enough. Right or wrong I felt a great responsibility for the way she felt and acted, I wanted to take care of her, but failed  miserably at even thinking I was trying. Being wrapped up in my own teenage/young adult mishaps, falling into bad relationships, drinking too much, all I could seem to do is fail at being a daughter, or person in general. Why couldn't God just fix me?

See, for as long as I can remember, I've always known there was a God, I knew of Jesus. For as long as I can remember I prayed for God to make me, a certain situation, or person better. Even though I wasn't technically saved until I was 11 years old. So I've done A LOT of praying for something in my life that needed changing. 

God didn't seem to answer those prayers. Why? I prayed for God's will, surely having abusive men in my life wasn't His will. He couldn't expect me to live alone and feeling rejected for ever, Right? Why couldn't He just make me a better person worthy of love? I grew up pleading with God to make my life better, to make me better. As you know from the beginning of this post and my first blog post, this same type of prayer followed me into adulthood. I tried doing things my way so long, to please God, to be "good", to make my life seem better, ya know trying to help God along.

BUT was I honestly praying because I wanted to live for HIM, the one who died for my sins, who protected me in many circumstances that could have been worse than they were? Did I want to live for the one who had a plan for my life that included a future full of hope and blessings? I just wanted my life better or fixed so I could go on living happily ever after and "normal". I knew I wanted the blessings part. It was all about me and, why is life on this earth so difficult.

So, again, why doesn't God just answer my prayers or the prayers of the faithful prayer? The answer is found in our own hearts. God is more concerned about cleaning up our hearts, before the things in our lives. He can't stand that our hearts and the things we harbor there, oppose HIM and separate us from HIM. Jesus wants us to come and surrender our hearts and lives to Him and receive new hearts and a life with a hope and a future.

Nothing can made right in our lives, or in the world, until we receive new hearts surrendered to God. All selfish desires of our hearts come when worship of God is absent. 

Like I mentioned in a previous post, because of Adam, sin entered the world and entangled every  area of life. We rejected the rule of The Lord over our lives. When we continue to reject God, He'll  Give us over to ourselves and our sinful desire, which brings death and destruction. Death of a relationship with God and destruction of the life that God intended us to have.

Reading the first chapter of Romans, reads like something that could have been written today about today's world:

18 But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.[19 They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. 20 For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

"21 Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused.22 Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. 23 And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols made to look like mere people and birds and animals and reptiles.

24 So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. 25 They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. 26 That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. 27 And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved.

28 Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. 29 Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip.30 They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. 31 They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. 32 They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too."

I didn't intend to copy and paste so much of the chapter, but it speaks volumes about what is wrong with the world and why prayers don't get answered the way we want. We've traded the truth of God for lies! 

Now, in the two and a half years my idea of praying has changed. My heart has changed. It changed the moment I decided I wasn't going to tell God no, any more. A new complete surrender the Lord. My heart and mind have been completed changed! I've seen more answered prayers and miracles in the past two years than in my whole life.   I've seen God work in ways I thought were no longer relevant in today's world. I gained many blessings, including a new marriage to a godly man as well as new friends and family.

What an incredibly different world with hope in our future we would live in if everyone sought to worship God instead believe in the lies if the devil!

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.(Romans 12:2)

23 And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;(Ephesians 4:23)