Get Out of Your Head

Get Out of Your Head, You Have No Friends In There!

Coming from a life where there once was isolation and abuse (those first words are extremely hard to put out there), being a natural introvert, and having had major battles of depression and anxiety, sometimes I can find it very easy to retreat from people or life experiences in general, and just become invisible. But I know that isn't where God wants me. As many may know from my first blog post, http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

God didn't bring me this far in life to just become invisible. 

Now I understand, all humans have bouts of feeling anxious or depressed that's a normal part of life. However, when you have those times and they keep you from doing what you know you need to be doing, you better be on your knees before God. That's when you need more strength to just get up and move forward. Yet I also know, in the middle of it all it isn't always easy to recognize the need. 

Now, I've spent a huge chunk of my life just living in my head. I've learned if you stay too long, it could be dangerous. There are no friends in there! Your mind is Satan's favorite place to play and attack. While I have gotten better and feel like the Lord has delivered me from anxiety and depression it doesn't mean I don't slip back once in a while. 

Just this past week or so, I have had a pretty big battle. It's been quite a while since I felt this bad. Tonight it scared me. I don't like to admit it and for the most part, I "think" I'm good at hiding it. I didn't do anything to try and make it better. I didn't talk about it, I didn't pray about it, I did some complaining to God though, I didn't do my Bible Study homework, which would have been helpful considering the topic I found out about today. I missed out on good stuff because I chose to wallow around in "my" depression. Yup, I claimed it and stayed there, in "my" depression. Why do I do that to myself? 

What do I have to feel so anxious and depressed about, that I stop what I need to be doing in life? Living. Now, I know the old reasons I had, but God has restored and redeemed all of that. So where does it all come from?

Of course there's that old enemy we like to blame, but often we're our worst enemy. Satan, he just helps add to it. All Satan does is throw lies on top of a situation already created, either by ourselves or just a life interruption. So when I began to slip into my head and think about the difficulties in our finances, needing to get a better job and increase my income, being the Godly wife my husband needs, following God the way He calls, and realizing true or not, I'm failing at all of those things, or so I think; I listen to the father of lies who tells me "I'm no good, I'm unworthy of love, would never make a good pastor's wife, never be able to minister to other young women the way I feel called to, I can't even hear from the Lord, there's no fire in me, and who do I think I am, look where I've been, unworthy one."

Only by the Grace of God did I lift my head up enough to hear God asking, "Are you done yet? Are you ready to get out of that mess you're wallowing around in?" I got myself to Bible study, the 1/2 hour drive was beautiful. Sometimes, I think God paints the sky just for me. While in Bible study I heard two good truths that I really needed to hear. First, " God lights the fire in us when we receive salvation and spiritual gifts. It's up to us to keep the fire burning." The other truth I heard was that, "true intimacy with God begins with humility. With out fail God will bring things about you, some/most maybe not so nice into the light to be dealt with before you enter new ministry. A fresh glimpse of yourself to bring deeper humility before you go deeper into your calling." I've known for a while God has been calling me to greater and deeper things. While He is trying to shine the light on areas that may need some dealing with, Satan is trying to cloud my vision by taking me back to revisit the old life full of the old lies.

I need to battle it with the truth that I know. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." And 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." These two verses are the very ones that broke the chains of anxiety and depression for good those many many years ago and His Word never returns void as long as I hang on to it and keep moving forward. By staying out of my head, there are no friends in there with answers. Only God has the answer. My hope and future lie in the truth of His promises, and yours?

The Seen and Unseen History of the Past Present and Future All at Once

The Seen and Unseen History of the Past Present
and Future  All at Once

Long long ago in a land far far away...That’s  where it all begins, everyone’s story, it begins at the beginning.

I love history, and I love words, and learning their meaning and where they originated. I just love learning, but I’m not always so good at retaining  the details. I often find myself  going back and researching  subjects over again to get a better grasp of it or to refresh my memory. Isn't  that kinda the same with society any more? We have so much  information right at our fingertips with the Internet, but how much of it do we retain? We don't  really need to, if we can always just go on line and look it up whenever we want. When is the last time you had to memorize a phone number? Now you just touch a picture in your phone’s contact list  to call them, or better yet, tell your phone to call them. How easy is it for mankind to forget history, whether  it is recent or stretches  far into the past.

 I think it is very important  that we don't  forget our history, we learn from it, and don’t forget where we came from. I'm  sure that is why God had Moses start writing down what he witnessed, experienced, and learned. To keep a record of mankind's  history. So we could learn from it. You've  heard the saying, “those who don't  learn from history are doomed to repeat  it.” Since the time of Moses, and probably  earlier, man has had a desire to record history, leaving a legacy behind for the future generations. If keeping a record of history is so essential to man’s life experience, why is it so easy for us humans to forget it or discount its  importance?

I believe God knew this would be a problem for us humans with our limited minds and our ever decreasing attention span. Which is why the Holy Spirit spoke through and inspired  not only Moses, but prophets and even “regular” people to keep record. It is why Jesus  promised direction from the Holy Spirit  and Paul was able to write so much of God’s inspired word. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All scripture is inspired by God and profitable  for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” God worked through individuals who yielded to His will,  to bring them to a place where  they could record history without  being wrong.

The very unique  thing  about the Bible is that it isn't  just a book of history  but a book that gives a glimpse  of the past, present, and future  at the same time. Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, “The thing that has been, is that which shall be; and that which is done, is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.” God doesn't  change, and Satan continues to use the same tricks of the trade including: fear, doubt, and accusations  to keep us from looking to God. Man’s reactions to life events are influenced by the devil’s very  predictable and harassing tricks, more about that later.

Many ask about the validity  of the Bible with the seemingly  many contradictions. What people fail to realize is, The WORD is God inspired, not the people who penned it. The word “inspired”, in 2 Timothy  is translated from the Greek word theopneustos meaning divinely breathed in, or God-breathed. Which makes it inerrant  or unable  to  be  wrong. While the original Hebrew and Greek Word of God is given by inspiration, the trouble that is often found in the Word we have today, is due to the fact that we have a translation of a translation. We have copies of the inspired word. However, the main point is always the same: Jesus Christ is coming, He came, died for our sins to redeem mankind so that we may have fellowship with God the creator, and Jesus is coming again.

 In the meantime we are to live in God’s will, in relationship with Him. Jesus said in John 14:26, “But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father  will  send  in my name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance  all that I said to you.” It’s important we have that relationship  so that the Holy Spirit can help us understand what has already been written in our hearts. Although, as more archaeological  and historical evidence is revealed, less contradictions  seem to be found in God’s Word, The Bible. Besides that, God’s word was written to and for His followers, those who seek to have a relationship  with Him. If you're  not seeking a relationship  with  the one who inspired the Word, so that you are able to learn from history, then your understanding  will be very  limited.

History's mark on the world has never been as important  as it is today. All the events from the beginning  of time have been building up to what is happening  in the world today  and what will take place in the not so distant  future. As time goes on and major events are taking place in the world and in our own personal lives, history is being created. History is His story! The story God has been writing from the very beginning, is the same one that has been written on our hearts. God is the author of His story we are the characters that are continually developing to fulfill the end He has already planned. We are unique characters in the fact that we have a free will to do and live as we choose, the end will always be the same but the course we take to get there and the people God chooses to use to bring the the story about will change depending on our actions. Whether the actions are in our personal life or actions taken by global leaders, they all have an affect on the outcome of His story.

People emerge throughout our personal life whether for a short paragraph, maybe even  a chapter or two, or for the whole epic tale. During that space on the pages of His story we are to fellowship, love and look together  to the one who is still in the process of creating. Seek out how He wants us to fit into the plot. When we turn to the Creator God our personal stories flow more smoothly into history. As our lives impact those around us we need to always consider the way in which we want to be portrayed. If we're incorrectly portraying the one who is still in the process of developing our character, then future chapters may be erased, so that His will to bring about an appropriate end will be fulfilled. In those deleted chapters we may miss out on a key blessing along the way.

Like every good story there is always an adversary, in this case we know and understand him to be Satan, the devil. Life events as I mentioned before whether in the personal or global areas are influenced by the devil’s very  predictable and harassing tricks. Face it, life happens! People have free will and make dumb and not so dumb choices. We can learn from them, turn to God for forgiveness and guidance, and move on; or we can listen to the devil and give into the lies and deception he throws out there. He does it through relationships, government, workplaces, religious choices, anything that influences a person or group of people. Lies and deceit can be used by that not so crafty devil who uses the same old tricks to get us forgetful humans to fall every time. He doesn't need to create situations or cause events to happen, we do that on our own. All he has to do is throw out a few lies here and there and if we're not careful to learn from history we fall. He did it in the Garden of Eden and he is doing it today! 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”

Today people who are considered  conservatives, progressives, Christians, Jews, atheists, plain ol’ religious, religious zealots or just religious nuts, those in political power and those who aren't, and those who think they aren't a part of any of the above, all are very aware of the wars and rumors of wars, rise of ISIS and it's false doctrine, as well as other terrorist organizations. They all are people who  have bought into many of the devil’s lies a time or two that have gotten us to this place in the story. The plot has truly thickened. We've reached the climax of history and we know the end of this story is close. There shouldn't be any fear in the end however, as the end brings about a new beginning. It is at this point in the story decisions are being made about which characters get to be included in the next volume of the same story, His Story. While we have the book of histories, the Bible, it is very important to learn as much as we can, follow the lead of the creator and let your life flow and continue to be woven into the greatest story ever! Where is your hope and future, is it reflected in History, His Story? All of us have a story, our own history.  It's important to tell, because your history is His Story and there is much to learn from those pages!

Silence

Silence


How often do you pray with the expectation that God will answer, but then He doesn't? It seems like He isn’t even listening. I have often struggled with the feeling that God just isn't listening. Oh, I've seen lots of answered prayer! Some very incredible prayers, just in the past couple of years. So I don't  doubt God answers, I just have often felt He doesn't always hear me. Or more so, that I can't hear Him.

Here’s an example from last Sunday’s celebration service we had at church. Not only was it a service for celebrating, it was also a time of praise and worship, prayer, deliverance and healing. Now, I have recently joined the prayer team at church...a little hesitantly. I don't hesitate because I don't believe that is where God is leading. I hesitate out of fear of  social awkwardness and fear do doing or saying the wrong thing. However, I do feel in this area, God is pushing me to step into this position. Here is where my problem came in. I prayed, expecting  God to show up, to fill me with His presence and to just set my soul on fire for the people  who were about to enter the church. I wanted to be excited about it like everyone else was. I wanted to feel that electricity many people seemed to be feeling, including my husband. I felt unplugged and like I was missing out on something.

This is often the case when I am at this type of event. Why isn’t God letting me in on all the stuff everyone  else seems to get? And that was my focus for much of the time I was at church. About me and what I was lacking and what I felt God wasn't giving me. Where was God? Why didn't I feel Him?

Now, because things like this seem to happen to me often, I'm beginning to catch on to what is really happening. It just takes a bit to sink in. It's all about perception! What I see as God not listening, caring, being silent, or just leaving me out there after He pushed and I finally  gave in, is just my perception of reality. It is how it looks and feels to me but isn't really how it is. What actually happened that day at church was that God did show up in a huge way! Amazing testimonies were given, lives were impacted, through live streaming thousands of people were a part of it all!

So, no matter how much I “feel” He isn’t there Acts 17:28 says, “for in him we live and move and have our being…” Besides that, Hebrews  13:5 is something I should have focused on earlier, before church; Reminding me  not worry that I wasn't having the same experience  everyone else seemed to have. It says, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” We are called to trust in His promises over our perception.

Do you ever notice, when there is something you really want, that is just out of reach, you do whatever is necessary to obtain  it? As soon as someone says you can't  have something, you want it more. I read an article called When God Seems Silent by John Bloom of Desiring  God. He suggested “absence heightens  desire. And the more heightened  the  desire, the  greater  its  satisfaction  will  be. It is the  mourning  that  will  know  the  joy  of  comfort. (Matthew 5:4). It is the hungry and thirsty that will be satisfied (Matthew 5:6). Longing makes us ask, emptiness makes us seek, silence makes us knock (Luke 11:9).” Bloom put ,my very thought into the following  words, “So you desire God and ask for more of him and what do you get? Stuck in a desert feeling deserted. You feel disoriented and desperate. Don’t despair. The silence, the absence is phenomenological. It’s how it feels, it’s not how it is. You are not alone. God is with you”

While in the middle of my 22 year relationship  with my ex there were many nights I stayed up crying out to God, feeling that He abandoned  me because  of the decisions  I made in my past. Especially  the  relationships I chose  and  the things I allowed in my life. I was too used up and broken for Him to want to answer any pathetic prayer I had. I was forever going to live in that situation shrouded in fear, loneliness, and sadness and that is just how it was going to be. I know that wasn't the truth. He was there in the middle of it all, but I could only see through my perspective, clouded by my emotions.  I wasn't at all trying to seek the truth, I was only focused on the why and how come of my situation, not the what. What was God doing all that time? He was listening, His heart was breaking with mine. He was preparing something better for me, I just couldn't see it yet.

Again I'll pull out this scripture. A running theme to my blog posts, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
God has given me hope and a future! I am so far removed from that old life on to something new! I have an amazing marriage I never thought was possible. I have no doubt I am loved. My home is a sanctuary, where the peace of God rules.

Life isn't without challenge, and boy do we have them! I sometimes still fail to realize God hears me, I can only see from my own perception. If I move towards Him, I'll get a better view of true reality and learn what it is to live by faith and not just sight as 2 Corinthians 5:7 says.

As I've taken over a week to reflect on and type out this blog, I'm realizing and I'm sure I  will need constant reminders that praying for others and ourselves as well as knowing you're in the presence of the Lord just takes faith. That's it. Sounds easy enough. But in our humanness, my humanness, I get all caught up in the circumstances of life, complicated by the harassment of the devil. Faith is the evidence of things unseen, that changes or effects the circumstances we see and live in. I've experienced a lot of that evidence in my lifetime. I can't let fear, false evidence appearing real, get in the way of truth. It's important to continue to keep reminded of what the Lord is doing and has done in our life, in my lifetime. It's all about perception. Does your hope and future lie in the weakness of your own perception or in the faith we're all called to walk in?