Victor or Victim? A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare

Victor or Victim? 

A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare 

To be a victor you must win a contest, challenge, battle, or war, in doing so you defeat or conquer an opponent. In fact victor derives from the Latin word, vincere meaning conquer. The opposite of victor is, victim. A victim is someone who is harmed, injured or killed as a result of some action or event. A victim may also be someone who was tricked, duped, or fooled into believing opposite of the truth. In the late 15 century the word victim signified a creature killed as a religious sacrifice, derived from the Latin word victima. 

In our world it isn't very popular to go into combat and battle those who seek to do us harm, to protect ourselves from potential enemies, to be looked upon as conquers. It is however, very much okay to play the victim. Being a victim you're not held accountable for your actions, "because you didn't know." You can gain benefits for being a victim who has been harmed, or afflicted by some new disorder, indisposition, misfortune, or hardship. Does that seem upside down to you?

Whether you understand it or not, there is a spiritual realm around us that is very much affected by the convictions and attitudes we carry in our hearts about such things. In that spiritual realm, there is a battle raging. Just as our attitudes and convictions have an affect in the spiritual, the battle there has an affect in the physical. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

In the end, we know that Christ has already won the war, but as the battle rages on, we can have every day victories. Whether our battle is with drugs, alcohol, some sort of disorder, mental, or physical, or battles often disguised as anger, depression, anxiety and self harm, if we understand the battle and where it is coming from, we can obtain blessing and victory. We can't  just throw our hands up and decide to do nothing, wait and see what you end up getting in heaven. The battle is here, right now. Just as God's Kingdom is here right now, where ever you ask Him to reign and rule. Where He reigns, so does His power. You don't want to wait until heaven for what you can have now! 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:3-4) Remember on this earth we may walk in the physical, what we can see, but the war is waged in the spirit that we can't always see. The strongholds, the things that keep tripping us up, that are fought in the mind, can only be defeated in the spirit, by The Holy Spirit. You have to allow Him into those places. You know, those places few know about; places you yourself don't want to admit are there. Where The Holy Spirit and His power reigns, so does His light and love. No darkness or stronghold can stay.  Will you let Him in? In the darkness the devil is on the prowl. You can stay in the dark, unwilling to fight and hope you receive that victory in heaven. You can sit there hiding out, not hurting any one, just biding your time, thinking it'll go away, until the devil devours you while your waiting. The devil can see in the dark, he created it. The darkness is just the absence of God, The Holy Spirit. Invite The Holy Spirit into the dark and He will fight the battle with you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1Peter 5:8

When your battle has been won and you've gained victory and blessing, continue to stay on guard, the war is not over until the Savior returns in full.   As we grow in our faith and take stands for Him, Satan will tremble and look for other weak areas to attack. We'll continue to be tempted, tested, and tried, but we won't have to fight alone. We'll continue to be victorious if we continue to fight. Being a victim is easy, it doesn't take work. Being a victim does hurt and it's often shameful, but once you decide to stand back up and get in the battle, you are no longer a victim, you will be a victor, a conquer!

"12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Get over it, just face it. You're not the only one it's happened to. You're not the only one hurting and caring those scars. As long as you're breathing on this broken and battered sphere called Earth, you're going to face trials. At times it may be so difficult, it may feel as the life is being sucked out of you. BUT if you keep moving forward, keeping your eyes on the One Who has already suffered far beyond what we could imagine suffering, His glory will be revealed. In His glory, you will rejoice. Don't give into fears of the what ifs, how comes, and why nots. Stay in the battle and stand your ground. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

12 Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 2 Timothy 3:12 

While you're standing ground and living your life for the Lord in every way you can think of, winning battles and claiming victory, Satan will look for new ways to attack. Sadly, he will go after loved ones in attempt to turn your eyes to the battles of others, to distract and throw you off guard. That's when you take the strength you have and apply it to your loved ones in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

So much is written in the Bible about spiritual warfare and how to fight and stay strong.  In these times we're living, it is very important to stick to the battle plan He has set before us. 

As I write this I think of how many times I let the smallest battles trip me up. Usually they are the old thoughts or tapes that are completely irrelevant to anything in my life today. Yet, I let it pull me down, I don't pick up God's battle plan, His word, I fight blindly. Then I remember why He gave us His word. "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”John 16:33

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ( Ephesians 6:13 ) the whole armor means, the whole armor. Would a warrior march on to battle leaving any part unprotected? No. Then why do we often forget about pieces of our armor meant to protect us? Ephesians 6:10-18 lists what the whole armor includes: The girding of your waste with truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet shodden with the preparation of the gospel of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of The Spirit. 

The first piece of armor, I'm assuming is some sort of girdle like a belt or cord. But considering it is listed first it must be pretty important. This belt is not an ordinary belt but, a belt of truth. Very important I'd say when facing the father of lies and author of confusion. When we listen to his little whispers in our ear with out the belt of truth, how easily do we stumble? (sorry but my geeky side can't help but think of wonder woman's lasso here. OK now back on topic) We can't start stumbling around before the fight begins. We might believe the biggest lie, " it's impossible it can't be won." Fear and doubt. Fasten that belt of truth on tight! It will protect us as well as our testimony to others.

Second, the breastplate protecting those vital organs. The righteousness of Jesus Christ guards our hearts and keeps us free from the unrighteousness of sin Satan accuses us of. Unrighteousness, that would otherwise be the cause of our spiritual death and separation from our Heavenly Father.

Third, our feet are to be prepared for spiritual conflict. As we move throughout the world we will enter into Satan' territory. Just like any enemy territory filled with land mines and other types of IEDs or traps. 

Advancing into Satan's territory, we need to be aware that there will be traps. Those traps can be avoided by holding firm to and spreading the Gospel of Christ so that others might be saved. 

Fourth, when we're deep in the battle and our faith begins to shake, hold on to that shield of faith. Let it shine and reflect God's truth and love at the enemy, blinding them to the lies and doubt that make God's word  seem void. Let it reveal the truth in Christ who is the "author and perfecter." 

The fifth important part of our armor protects another vital part of our body. The helmet of salvation. Think of everything that goes on in our head. Our biggest battles are often fought in our mind, before it is fought anywhere else. Our mind is capable of storing so much important and some not so important information. The most important information it stores is the knowledge of salvation and the fact that you have eternal life through Jesus Christ. It stores the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus so that no other false doctrine can invade your heart and mind. It enables you to share the hope and truth of the gospel of salvation with others. With out this helmet, the truth can not be seen or understood.

The final piece of armor, the only offensive piece, is the sword of The Spirit. It's the one weapon Jesus used to defeat Satan while being tempted in the desert. Just speaking the Word of God, will defeat Satan every time. 

As the description of our battle armor concludes in Ephesians 6:18 we are told to pray always honestly and humbly in the spirit, being watchful to the end preserving praying with and for others. I think prayer is what helps keep our armor functioning properly. That constant connection with God keeps everything else running smoothly. 

These pieces of armor are entrusted to every believer so that we may continue through the battles and gain victory. They are to protect and strengthen us by building our faith, trust, and confidence in the "author and finisher of our faith", as said in Hebrews 12:2.

 It's already been written. In the end Satan will loose when the final battle has been won. We will be conquers in Christ. Romans 8:37 says, "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

10 Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. Revelation 12:10

My future hope lies in the day that salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser. That's when the final battle will be over, the war won, and peace will reign for all eternity! Where's yours?

Remember Whose Child You Are

Remember Whose Child You Are

I don't know when the idea came to me but I do remember the thoughts, feelings, and circumstances that lead to it. I was in my previous marriage  at the time and my husband was heavy into drugs and alcohol often raging about something, real or made up.  I was doing my best in the circumstances I lived in to raise my children for the Lord. I knew I had made mistakes and would make more in my endeavor to try an shield my kids from the ugliness of some of the things in their world. 

At a young age I tried to get them to understand that there will be times I fail them or wouldn't always be there for them. There might even be times they were afraid and I wouldn't be able to be there to protect them. But there was a God, a Father in heaven who would always be there and who loved them more than I ever could. He went wherever they went and was aware of everything they did. I told them that before they were my children, they were the Lord's. And that's where the phrase came from, "remember who's child you are." 

As my children grew older, I knew they would not always be around me. They would gain more independence,  have friends of their own to go off with, and I wasn't going to be there to influence or correct their actions. So each time they left the house out into the world with out me, besides saying, I love you, I would tell them, "remember whose child you are." It was later followed up with a reminder, "You're a child of a King and you should act accordingly." I wanted them to always be aware of their actions and know that I'm not the only one who holds them accountable. I could only hold them accountable for what I knew about, but God sees all and they would one day answer to Him for their actions good or bad.

Therapists and doctors today will tell a person that the poor choices they make are due to the mistakes their parents made while raising them. It takes the blame off the one making poor choices, gives them an excuse, and frees them from accountability. There comes a point in everyone's life, or at least it should, when you know right from wrong. If you know right from wrong, you're  able to decide for yourself which you'll choose. 

 Like I mentioned in my first blog post, in my late teens I faced some major depression and anxiety; accompanied by alcohol and  other means of self destruction. Of course I had an excuse for it. I was living in a home that was often out of control, that, and I was a teenager. Was I aware of God in my life? Yes. Did I lean on Him in times of trouble and when I had feelings of desperation? Not as I should have. Did I drink and sleep with guys in order to drown out the pain and confusion, to find self worth and experience love and acceptance? Yes. Could I have brought all of my hurt, shame, and anger to the Lord? Would He have comforted me? Did He send people in my life to influence and guide me? Yes, yes, yes to it all!!! It's all a spiritual battle we can chose to fight or give in to, yet rarely do people see it that way. I didn't act that way and give into the depression, anxiety, and all that other stuff because of the way I was raised or the things I experienced in life. It was because I failed to recognize the spiritual battle and listened to the lies of the devil. Having this knowledge hasn't left me anxiety free and with out any bouts of depression, I am still human living in a broken world. However, when I take it to the Lord, who's very name covers and protects me, I gain freedom from it!

God is, Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there. He is Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides.  Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and He is El Elyon, The Most High God. If He is my Heavenly Father then I am the daughter of a King!  In my poor choice to turn from Him, the most high God, who is always there, provides a way out, and offers peace, I looked to the world, and what it had to offer instead. My choices damaged family relationships and further damaged my self esteem. It wasn't my upbringing, it was how I chose to deal with my upbringing.

 My teenage and early adult years, a time of life I don't talk too much about, I'm not at all proud of it, as it shows me in an ugly light. However, God always saw me as beautiful. A beautiful mess perhaps, but beautiful. The way I dealt with my life just brought me more guilt and shame. I had aunts boldly, sometimes harshly, pointing out my sin, it made me pile on even more guilt. I held on to it instead of giving it to the one who had already redeemed it.  Instead of facing it, I let it eat at me. Sometimes I would try to turn to the Lord in my own power, but I never made the full commitment to give over everything, all of my ugliness.

 It wasn't until then, when I completely gave it all to Him did I begin to find peace. When you live in fear of being found out that you're a big fake, you're not the perfect person you're trying to be...When you live in fear that nobody will love you the way you are, or that you'll never fit in, or have  fear of anything, you won't have peace. The opposite of peace is fear. When we hold on to fear we can't have peace. Through Jehovah Shalom we can live in peace, or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. Through that peace we can live as the child of The most High King, just as we're called to be.

I have had an idea for quite a while about blogging on the idea of being the daughter or a child of the King, but I wasn't sure from what perspective to take it from. It wasn't until after listening to a speaker at Saturday's Morning Tea for the ladies at church, sharing a piece of my testimony with another woman there, and dealing with some family issues that echoed the very loudly the need for everyone to keep in mind that they are a child of The Most High and we should act accordingly.

As much as I had always told my children through out their lives to remember who's child they were, I hadn't turned it around to myself. I didn't really start doing that until almost three years ago when someone handed me a book they thought I should read called, His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. The point in wanting my children to remember who's child they were wasn't just because I wanted them to take responsibility for their actions but to know they were special and loved, not just by me, but a king! This book is written as a collection of letters from The King to us his Princess. Apparently it was something I needed to read.

We are children of the Most High King and we should act accordingly. What does that look like? It's funny that the speaker Saturday discussed the very idea of being a child of God. She used an illustration that pricked my heart a bit, because I couldn't relate to it. She described what it was like to be a little girl holding on to her daddy's strong hand, and while her hand was in his she felt safe and strong and that she could do anything. She related that feeling to what it is like to return and trust in the Lord. I have absolutely no idea what that is like. I never had a touch from my earthly father that felt safe. Although I longed for that very feeling, to put my hand in a big, strong, encouraging hand, that steadies my steps. Not having that left a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with so many worldly and self destructive things, everything but God. The one who had been holding out His hand all along. All I had to do is reach out and take it. When I finally did, He lifted me up, set me straight, and as long as I hold on He keeps me steady. 

18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,

Says the LordAlmighty.”( 2 Corinthians 6:18)

Being a child of The King means to walk in faith. With faith, you can't have doubt. There's no doubt which way to go in life if you trust Him enough to follow Him. Isaiah 48:17 reminds us to listen He will tell us which way to go. "Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,The Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go." And, "For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26) Life is going to be hard, in our humanness we will make mistakes but those mistakes are what we do, not who we are. He will keep us from being caught or unable to escape. Keep moving in the direction He calls you.

Your crown may be a little beat up, tarnished, and it may be missing a few jewels, but your title of Prince or Princess of The Most High can never be taken away. Walk in the position you hold, with your mangled crown on your head, looking forward to Him, and keep going! My hope and future are in Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there; Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides; Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and in El Elyon, The Most High God, My Heavenly Father. 

Remember Whose Child You Are.

**

Jehovah Shalom- the Lord is Peace Judges 6:24

Jehovah Shammah-The Lord is there Ezekiel 48:35

Jehovah Jireh- The Lord Will Provide Genesis 22:14

Elyon- The Most High God 

Genesis 14:18

Spring Forth

10 Life's been a bit of a struggle lately. It's amazing how finances can put such a strain on a person and on relationships. My husband works so hard for us both. He works at two jobs, neither are his calling or what he wants to be doing. He's an ordained minister and he works in a restaurant and is a trainer in a factory.  Be that as it may, it puts money in the bank. One job is slightly more demanding, physically, while the other requires a little more mental stamina. Both keep him on his feet the whole time.

While at one time I have worked at three jobs, mentally and physically they completely wore me out! Currently I'm just working at my one job. Being a special education teaching assistant in a primary life skills classroom is something I've done for many years, I love it! Yet, recently I feel, all of the years have taken a toll on me mentally and physically. The average turnover rate for such a position is about 5 years. I've lasted 15, not all in the same school, though. Taking a huge pay cut almost two years ago when I changed school districts, makes the job a little harder to enjoy. On top of that, if there is a snow day, two hour delay, or some sort of break, I don't get paid. With student loans, car payments and other unforeseen debt we have acquired, along with daily living expenses my job isn't helping much.  Which puts further mental strain on my husband and I both.

 I've come to the realization that to keep with the current theme of my life, it's time for a new change. A career change. Who knew getting your foot in the door to some place new in a new town would be so difficult? Adding more stress and strain to a relationship. Now, we know neither God nor Satan caused this situation we find ourselves in to happen. It's just part of life in this broken world we live in. That doesn't mean that Satan won't get in there and start whispering lies. Trying to get me to believe that " I'm not good enough or worthy enough to find a better job." Or telling my husband that "I'm lazy and I'll never get a job and he'll have to be doing all the work to provide for us. All the bills and all the pressures will always be on him." It is Satan's goal to destroy families to destroy relationships. If he can get you to believe lies that your spouse is not going to contribute, work together in supporting each other, and care about you, It can really drive a wedged between two people. When this happens, people will either lash out at each other or withdraw for fear of hurting the other. Neither action is good for a relationship. It's important not to let Satan have that foothold. 

My marriage may not be perfect, but in my eyes I think it's pretty darn close. Here's a glimpse into my day today and how my Amazing Man shows his love and how he cares for me: My morning had already started off pretty bad. I had nothing to wear all my clothes (not that I have a lot, compared to most) are either dirty or I've gained too much weight to wear them. I was too tired at three in the morning to take my dog out when she was whining about it. Like a horrible mom to my little Roxy I made her wait until after I took a shower. I forgot about her wanting out at 3 until she was whining at the bathroom door. The poor dog, she didn't make it, and peed right outside the bathroom door. After dragging out the carpet cleaner, wearing my uncomfortable clothes and cleaning up the dog mess, I proceed to the kitchen where there's NO COFFEE, nothing to make breakfast, and nothing to make for lunch. We hadn't gone to the store in a while. This day just isn't looking great at all! 

I go to my room where my husband is still laying. I lay beside him and began to complain about my rough morning. He quietly listens while I lay beside him ranting, and then he gently remind sme it's time to get moving, we have to go to work. We get into the car and make our way towards my work he makes a little detour and I'm sitting there in all my grouchiness, wondering what he's doing. I'm going to be late. My Amazing man pulls into The closest Circle K, goes right in and buys me some coffee, breakfast, and something for lunch. Who's heart isn't going to melt at that?  He presented to me and said, you gotta have your coffee to face today and something to eat.  

We arrive at the school as the busses are lining up. I kiss my man good bye, feeling blessed as he leaves. I take two steps and drop my coffee on the ground. Like a water balloon, the cup bursts open and coffee is splashed across the sidewalk. I stood there just like a child looking back to see my husband driving away and I began stomping my foot and letting out a loud groan of frustration.  A near by bus driver sees me and says, "you didn't want that coffee anyway." I'm pretty sure I gave her the evil eye. Isn't that how life is? It's the accumulation of the little things that trip you up and cause you to do, say, and think things that aren't always of good character. So I ended up texting my husband to complain more, " I DROPPED IT ". Ya  know what? He made a special trip and brought me more. 

Now you know my Amazing Man works two jobs. However, today he got up a little bit earlier because we're down to one car for now, and he wanted to have time to go do laundry before he went to his first job. After finishing laundry and going to his first job at a restaurant he did the grocery shopping! At the end of my day, 

My day continued to go on just as it started, little irritations and minor conflicts kept parading themselves throughout my day. All the while my mind battled between focusing on our current financial situation and trying to give it up to the Lord and Ficus on Him, and to do my job as if I were doing it for Him. At least I have a job. It seemed like the day was a constant spiritual battle. 

Tim picked me up at work and I didn't really want to continue to complain more about my day, but man! So as we make our way to his second job he listened to me vent. Before I left him at his job, he suggested that I don't go straight home, I should stop at the park and hang out by the river and have some time with the Lord. He also suggested I should have the women at my Bible study pray over me tonight. I didn't want to do either, but what would it hurt? 

As I absorb the warm sun reflecting off the water, I close my eyes, exhale and just give it all to the Lord. It was there I noticed all the signs of spring, a new season was finally here. It was there I was led to the following verses:

Mercy and truth have met together;
Righteousness and peace have kissed.
11 Truth shall spring out of the earth,
And righteousness shall look down from heaven.
12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good;
And our land will yield its increase.

Psalm 85:10-12

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall springforth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

Isaiah 61:11 

God is doing a work, my current situation is just a season in life. He is making a way and soon our situation will change like winter changes to spring. Peace washed over me as He whispered these truths to my heart. He is about to do great things. I stayed a while to enjoy the view and take a couple pictures.

At Bible study I gained the courage to ask for prayer. I've never done that before, especially from a group of people. I haven't really ever had friends who would just pray for or with me, here I had a group of women who lent a hand and prayed powerful prayers over me. I don't know if they felt it or not. But I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I never have before. I can't really even put into words what I felt. It was physical, emotional, and I suppose spiritual feeling all at the same time. I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could. I replayed the the prayers of the women in my head as well as the time at the park on the drive home. 

God is making things new again. They will spring forth and all will be for His glory and righteousness. Like struggling through winter and knowing with out a doubt spring and all its beauty is sure to come, so is my life right now. 

Thank you Lord for planting the seeds of hope in my heart today, help me not to forget to take the time to watch  and see what springs forth.

My hope and future will always rest in the promises of the Lord and the knowledge that situations in life are just like seasons, I will take time to look for the righteous in each one. 

Where is your hope and future today?

Get Out of Your Head

Get Out of Your Head, You Have No Friends In There!

Coming from a life where there once was isolation and abuse (those first words are extremely hard to put out there), being a natural introvert, and having had major battles of depression and anxiety, sometimes I can find it very easy to retreat from people or life experiences in general, and just become invisible. But I know that isn't where God wants me. As many may know from my first blog post, http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

God didn't bring me this far in life to just become invisible. 

Now I understand, all humans have bouts of feeling anxious or depressed that's a normal part of life. However, when you have those times and they keep you from doing what you know you need to be doing, you better be on your knees before God. That's when you need more strength to just get up and move forward. Yet I also know, in the middle of it all it isn't always easy to recognize the need. 

Now, I've spent a huge chunk of my life just living in my head. I've learned if you stay too long, it could be dangerous. There are no friends in there! Your mind is Satan's favorite place to play and attack. While I have gotten better and feel like the Lord has delivered me from anxiety and depression it doesn't mean I don't slip back once in a while. 

Just this past week or so, I have had a pretty big battle. It's been quite a while since I felt this bad. Tonight it scared me. I don't like to admit it and for the most part, I "think" I'm good at hiding it. I didn't do anything to try and make it better. I didn't talk about it, I didn't pray about it, I did some complaining to God though, I didn't do my Bible Study homework, which would have been helpful considering the topic I found out about today. I missed out on good stuff because I chose to wallow around in "my" depression. Yup, I claimed it and stayed there, in "my" depression. Why do I do that to myself? 

What do I have to feel so anxious and depressed about, that I stop what I need to be doing in life? Living. Now, I know the old reasons I had, but God has restored and redeemed all of that. So where does it all come from?

Of course there's that old enemy we like to blame, but often we're our worst enemy. Satan, he just helps add to it. All Satan does is throw lies on top of a situation already created, either by ourselves or just a life interruption. So when I began to slip into my head and think about the difficulties in our finances, needing to get a better job and increase my income, being the Godly wife my husband needs, following God the way He calls, and realizing true or not, I'm failing at all of those things, or so I think; I listen to the father of lies who tells me "I'm no good, I'm unworthy of love, would never make a good pastor's wife, never be able to minister to other young women the way I feel called to, I can't even hear from the Lord, there's no fire in me, and who do I think I am, look where I've been, unworthy one."

Only by the Grace of God did I lift my head up enough to hear God asking, "Are you done yet? Are you ready to get out of that mess you're wallowing around in?" I got myself to Bible study, the 1/2 hour drive was beautiful. Sometimes, I think God paints the sky just for me. While in Bible study I heard two good truths that I really needed to hear. First, " God lights the fire in us when we receive salvation and spiritual gifts. It's up to us to keep the fire burning." The other truth I heard was that, "true intimacy with God begins with humility. With out fail God will bring things about you, some/most maybe not so nice into the light to be dealt with before you enter new ministry. A fresh glimpse of yourself to bring deeper humility before you go deeper into your calling." I've known for a while God has been calling me to greater and deeper things. While He is trying to shine the light on areas that may need some dealing with, Satan is trying to cloud my vision by taking me back to revisit the old life full of the old lies.

I need to battle it with the truth that I know. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." And 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." These two verses are the very ones that broke the chains of anxiety and depression for good those many many years ago and His Word never returns void as long as I hang on to it and keep moving forward. By staying out of my head, there are no friends in there with answers. Only God has the answer. My hope and future lie in the truth of His promises, and yours?

And They Lived Happily Ever After...The End

And They Lived Happily Ever After...The End

"... “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

And naked shall I return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lordhas taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”"

Job 1:21

While scholars can't agree exactly when Job lived, there seems to be a consensus among some theologians I have read about, that he lived sometime after the flood and just before Moses, maybe the early part of Moses' life time. However, he was a real man who had a whole book dedicated to his life in God's Word. 

Job was a prosperous man with a strong faith in God, a large household including: seven sons and three daughters and many possessions. God's word states that he was considered "blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil." Yet, he endured  numerous hardships all in one day, greater than the average man ever had!  Job lost his seven thousand sheep by lightning, or as the Bible puts it, " fire from heaven". The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the three thousand camels and took them away, as well as killed his servants by the sword. Five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred female donkeys were raided and taken away by the  Sabeans,  who also killed more his servants by the sword. Job's sons and daughters were also crushed and killed under the oldest brother's roof while they were eating and drinking wine as the book of Job tells, "a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house and it fell on the young people." Through all the loss, pain and sorrow, Job never "sinned or charged God with wrong. He held on to his faith in a merciful God! 

Still, Job endured more! He became covered in sores from head to toe, even lost his peace of mind. Surely he must have felt depression over take him and insanity creep to the edges of his mind . In fact, he cursed the day he was born. I've been in that state of mind before, almost there last night. (Oh the places the Devil can take you, if you let him.) His friends, thinking they were helpful surely weren't, by trying to put the blame all on him and some sort if sin he must have committed. After all, why else would God allow all this? Job's own wife encouraged him to curse God and die! See, Satan was trying to shake his marriage too. Job held fast to his faith, he never gave up, trusting in a God who is good and loving through it all. 

In the end, Job's life was restored with twice as much as he had before! His friends came back, he gained a new family of seven sons and three daughters and he lived to a good old age, and saw four generations of descendants. The perfect "And they lived happily ever after...The End" story.

Not that my life has been as rough as Job's, but those who have followed my blog or at least read my first post knows, I've had some tough struggles before I lost everything. However, like Job I have had everything restored and gained even more and better than what I had before. Like Job, my life isn't a fairy tale, happily ever after, sure, but "The End"? Not quite.

Job gained his family, possessions, and wealth back. However, knowing our God, it wasn't just handed to him. I'm sure there was work involved. Man, going through raising that many teenagers again, that's enough work for anyone. As silly as it sounds, all of that just dawned on me today after crying most of the night and morning.

I was crying about how hard life is. It is a struggle, it's not fair. I posted some of this pity party on FaceBook last night: My Amazing Man is currently working 2 jobs. The day job has turned into 30 hours a week, and the evening job 40 hours a week. I'm down to one job that I'm feeling quite burnt out on, after 15 years of the same type of work. When I had more than one job, it was so mentally and physically stressful. Now, we're still just barely making it. I hate that Tim works so hard and when his body is tired and sore, he keeps going. I can't find a better job to replace my current one or as much as I don't want, find another job to add to the one I have that won't kill me. 

We have such a great desire to get more involved in church and make more connections. We have a dream to move into a house of our own and expand ministry roles. We want to be able to help and bless others more than we're able, especially family members who really need it. My heart aches for all the things I desire but feel unable to do. I don't want "things", I've learned to live with very little. It's the connecting with people/friends outside of social media including my husband, I really miss and want. As well as buy groceries and pay the bills.  

 I haven't forgotten my blessings. "God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good."It could always be worse, I've lived way worse before! This is just a different kind of struggle. I know God will and is walking us through it even though it seems so dark now. He won't let go of our hands.

 

Everyone wants their "happily ever after...The End." I think especially in America we're conditioned to believe that because we're Americans we don't have to work as hard, land of the free and all. As I look back on all the things I'm crying about, as real as they are and as painful as they are to me, they are first world problems.

I still live in the best country in the world, even though many of the people living here seem to be making some poor life choices that affect our nation. It's still better than others. My husband and I may not be serving the Lord in the capacity we feel led to yet, but we are still free to worship Him. We're free to choose whom we want to marry and be an equal partner in that marriage; with out being hidden away, abused and tortured. ( I am more than aware in some cases it happens in our country, but it's not acceptable) which is why I have an Amazing Man in my life. Our rent for our tiny apartment may be crazy high and difficult to pay, but we have a place that is warm and dry. Our cars may be in some desperate need of work and payments are behind on one, but we have TWO. We may not have the jobs or careers we like, but we have work with Sundays off. God didn't guarantee a 40 hour work week. In Biblical times as well as countries around the world today, people work from sun up to sun down seven days a week making a fraction of what we make, if they have a job at all. And people in our country want to cry about not having paid maternity or paternity leave for months at a time. Or paid for this or that, because other countries ( who are going bankrupt by the way) are doing it. People want to cry about all of these false social injustices in our country while turing their heads to what is going on in the rest of the world. We are a spoiled nation and it is easy to get caught up with everyone crying, "it's not fair". 

So, we may be barely making financially it at this time, BUT WE ARE MAKING IT, and better than many others in the world. I don't know everything God is working out in us and I don't quite know what the lesson to be learned is. Although, I do know the plans He has for us is to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us hope and a future! He said so. 

Prosperity, hope, and a future doesn't mean life with out a struggle and hard work. Our human idea of prosperity is very different in God's eyes than our human eyes, I'm sure. Monetarily, God's economy is very different than ours.  Anything worth having, including a good life is worth working hard for.  Even if I have to piece together jobs that cause fear and anxiety because they are so out of my box and maybe somewhere deep inside a small part of me felt it was beneath me, if that's what God leads me to, I shouldn't turn it away. I should stay faithful in ALL THINGS AND IN ALL CONDITIONS, because HE is faithful to me! Besides everything good in this life is a gift. And every gift is only temporary.

Where is your faith today? Oh to have the faith of Job. When life is at it's worse don't give up. Like Job, He's not done with you yet!

Invite Him to Change the Atmosphere to Improve Your Environment

Atmosphere and environmental elements are easily overlooked when defining the power or lack of power you hold during spiritual battle. Life is a spiritual battle. It's the day to day, wake up, go do the things, come home, go to sleep, get up, and do it again, battle. Some days seem like a full on war, while others couldn't be any more peaceful or joyful. Yet, because we're in the battle, that peace and joy is only temporary.

There is a constant unseen battle between forces of good and evil that surrounds us daily. I know, that sounds like some fantasy cliche. Although, did you ever stop to think, maybe that's why we love those type of fantasies and stories about the fight between good and evil? Look at the great and popular stories like, The Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, Beowulf, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the nursery rhymes, children's stories and fairytales. It's engrained in our very being. We have the whole story planted in us. The environment or atmosphere we are surrounded by will affect the way the story grows and plays out. 

Environment- the whole collection of surrounding things, conditions, or influences

































Atmosphere-the pervading tone, mood, or feel of a place.







 

Many things affect our environment, and or the atmosphere around us. Some things include: history and mixture of different cultures, spiritual strongholds created by having a false understanding of who God is and who you are in Christ. Others include: memories and emotions, some hurt or unhealed  from the past or current situations, preconceived ideas, opinions, and judgement based on politics, organizations, or people you associate with.  I believe our expectations about a future  hope we thought to be true or untrue are also a huge factor in shaping the atmosphere and environment we live in. Recently I read somewhere, "God created us with seven needs: (1) dignity, (2) authority, (3) blessing and provision, (4) security, (5) purpose and meaning, (6) freedom and boundaries, and (7) love and companionship. Whenever we seek to meet one or more of these basic needs outside God's design, we have set the stage for the development of a generational stronghold." The fall of man is when the generational stronghold began.

God The Father, God The Son, And God The Holy Spirit, the "Three in One" had so much love that He created Adam and Eve. He created them to have fellowship with and to have a target to pour out his love upon. He created a perfect place for them. It's atmosphere and environment contained everything they needed to live and grow spiritually, to enjoy and develop a life of fellowship with God and each other, with out pain or sorrow. A place of pure love, peace, and joy, we will never know this side of heaven. All that changed when man sought to fulfill his basic needs outside of God's perfect plan. One day soon His perfect plan will be restored to the glory and beauty Adam and Eve once knew.

Today, many generations removed from Adam and Eve, the atmosphere and environment has drastically changed. In some areas spirituality and fellowship with the Lord has been completely chocked out. In others, it is struggling to survive. Our atmosphere and environment have been polluted by man's desire to be independent from any God and free thinking. The desire society has to learn on their own, do it their own way, and please theirselves has pushed The Father so far away that the love He has for His creation has become tainted and unrecognizable. 

I can look back on my life today, see areas where I have allowed different influences in and out of my life, and sought to fulfill my basic needs on my own, weather consciously or subconsciously. Sometimes thinking I was doing it all for the right reasons under the guise of, " I believe this is what God wants for me." While looking back, I can see where and how the atmosphere, had me in a strong hold causing me to starve spiritually. When the atmosphere changes so does the environment and vice versa. 

At a young age I looked to man to fulfill the love I thought I was missing out on. Placing myself in situations that altered the atmosphere leaving me feeling less loved, respected, and secure. I was looking out side of God's plan. Plunging me into deep depression often fueled by anxiety. After years of living that way my environment completely changed physically and spiritually (as you may know from previous blog posts, especially my first one) for 22 years. 

The environment was so drastically changed none of my needs of dignity, authority, blessing and provision, security, purpose and meaning, freedom and boundaries, and love and companionship were being met. There came a time when I sought the Lord but I didn't give Him full control, I continued to hold back, as my expectations of hope and a future that included God's love were so tainted, I couldn't see the truth of what He really had for me. 

So while at times the atmosphere cleared up and it became easier to breathe, it didn't last long and the environment didn't change. I was week and lacked boldness (which by the way I'm still working on)  I grew weary of fighting the battle on my own not realizing the battle was never mine to fight!

There came a time I had to pray just like King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20:12 ".....nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on you." Jehoshaphat prayed and God answered. Verse 15-17 says, "And he said, “Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the Lord to you: ‘Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 16 Tomorrow go down against them. They will surely come up by the Ascent of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the brook before the Wilderness of Jeruel. 17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!’ Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.”

God doesn't require a lot from us, just that we are faithful and watch. He told the King it wasn't his battle, he didn't have to fight. But then he said, go out against them. They were to just show up and be positioned, that's all.  To be positioned is to anchor yourself. While positioned you may bend, twist, and turn but not break as long as your eyes are on the Lord. Position  yourself, stand still, watch God do His work. The battle is not yours. Go and be positioned. You watch God change your situation.

 God just wants you to be faithful and show up. You need to show up. When you show up, God shows off. If you confront it, He'll fight it! God requires you to show up so you can see His works. Many refuse to show up, they are afraid to face their fear or bad situation. There were so many times in my life while battling depression my way or man's way, I just could not show up for anything. In fact, I didn't want to, and just didn't. Depression and anxiety were my environment. I had to invite God in to change the atmosphere in order to develop an environment worth showing up for. 

The battle still rages and the atmosphere still changes depending on what I allow to influence my environment. If I'm praising God with my mouth and worshipping Him with my actions, He is here in the environment in the atmosphere, He is in the center of it all. AND in that center there is love, the love I sought for so long. It's where my needs are met and my life is good. Oh, there are struggles and I'm sometimes bent so far I fear I might break, but in His presence there is peace. When I don't know what to do, I need to remember to look to my Father God, the one who created me and let Him fight the battle. My hope and future is in Him, where is yours? 

"Holy Spirit, You are welcome here

Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere

Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for

To be overcome by Your presence, Lord"

- Kari Jobe, "Holy Spirit"