Spring Forth

10 Life's been a bit of a struggle lately. It's amazing how finances can put such a strain on a person and on relationships. My husband works so hard for us both. He works at two jobs, neither are his calling or what he wants to be doing. He's an ordained minister and he works in a restaurant and is a trainer in a factory.  Be that as it may, it puts money in the bank. One job is slightly more demanding, physically, while the other requires a little more mental stamina. Both keep him on his feet the whole time.

While at one time I have worked at three jobs, mentally and physically they completely wore me out! Currently I'm just working at my one job. Being a special education teaching assistant in a primary life skills classroom is something I've done for many years, I love it! Yet, recently I feel, all of the years have taken a toll on me mentally and physically. The average turnover rate for such a position is about 5 years. I've lasted 15, not all in the same school, though. Taking a huge pay cut almost two years ago when I changed school districts, makes the job a little harder to enjoy. On top of that, if there is a snow day, two hour delay, or some sort of break, I don't get paid. With student loans, car payments and other unforeseen debt we have acquired, along with daily living expenses my job isn't helping much.  Which puts further mental strain on my husband and I both.

 I've come to the realization that to keep with the current theme of my life, it's time for a new change. A career change. Who knew getting your foot in the door to some place new in a new town would be so difficult? Adding more stress and strain to a relationship. Now, we know neither God nor Satan caused this situation we find ourselves in to happen. It's just part of life in this broken world we live in. That doesn't mean that Satan won't get in there and start whispering lies. Trying to get me to believe that " I'm not good enough or worthy enough to find a better job." Or telling my husband that "I'm lazy and I'll never get a job and he'll have to be doing all the work to provide for us. All the bills and all the pressures will always be on him." It is Satan's goal to destroy families to destroy relationships. If he can get you to believe lies that your spouse is not going to contribute, work together in supporting each other, and care about you, It can really drive a wedged between two people. When this happens, people will either lash out at each other or withdraw for fear of hurting the other. Neither action is good for a relationship. It's important not to let Satan have that foothold. 

My marriage may not be perfect, but in my eyes I think it's pretty darn close. Here's a glimpse into my day today and how my Amazing Man shows his love and how he cares for me: My morning had already started off pretty bad. I had nothing to wear all my clothes (not that I have a lot, compared to most) are either dirty or I've gained too much weight to wear them. I was too tired at three in the morning to take my dog out when she was whining about it. Like a horrible mom to my little Roxy I made her wait until after I took a shower. I forgot about her wanting out at 3 until she was whining at the bathroom door. The poor dog, she didn't make it, and peed right outside the bathroom door. After dragging out the carpet cleaner, wearing my uncomfortable clothes and cleaning up the dog mess, I proceed to the kitchen where there's NO COFFEE, nothing to make breakfast, and nothing to make for lunch. We hadn't gone to the store in a while. This day just isn't looking great at all! 

I go to my room where my husband is still laying. I lay beside him and began to complain about my rough morning. He quietly listens while I lay beside him ranting, and then he gently remind sme it's time to get moving, we have to go to work. We get into the car and make our way towards my work he makes a little detour and I'm sitting there in all my grouchiness, wondering what he's doing. I'm going to be late. My Amazing man pulls into The closest Circle K, goes right in and buys me some coffee, breakfast, and something for lunch. Who's heart isn't going to melt at that?  He presented to me and said, you gotta have your coffee to face today and something to eat.  

We arrive at the school as the busses are lining up. I kiss my man good bye, feeling blessed as he leaves. I take two steps and drop my coffee on the ground. Like a water balloon, the cup bursts open and coffee is splashed across the sidewalk. I stood there just like a child looking back to see my husband driving away and I began stomping my foot and letting out a loud groan of frustration.  A near by bus driver sees me and says, "you didn't want that coffee anyway." I'm pretty sure I gave her the evil eye. Isn't that how life is? It's the accumulation of the little things that trip you up and cause you to do, say, and think things that aren't always of good character. So I ended up texting my husband to complain more, " I DROPPED IT ". Ya  know what? He made a special trip and brought me more. 

Now you know my Amazing Man works two jobs. However, today he got up a little bit earlier because we're down to one car for now, and he wanted to have time to go do laundry before he went to his first job. After finishing laundry and going to his first job at a restaurant he did the grocery shopping! At the end of my day, 

My day continued to go on just as it started, little irritations and minor conflicts kept parading themselves throughout my day. All the while my mind battled between focusing on our current financial situation and trying to give it up to the Lord and Ficus on Him, and to do my job as if I were doing it for Him. At least I have a job. It seemed like the day was a constant spiritual battle. 

Tim picked me up at work and I didn't really want to continue to complain more about my day, but man! So as we make our way to his second job he listened to me vent. Before I left him at his job, he suggested that I don't go straight home, I should stop at the park and hang out by the river and have some time with the Lord. He also suggested I should have the women at my Bible study pray over me tonight. I didn't want to do either, but what would it hurt? 

As I absorb the warm sun reflecting off the water, I close my eyes, exhale and just give it all to the Lord. It was there I noticed all the signs of spring, a new season was finally here. It was there I was led to the following verses:

Mercy and truth have met together;
Righteousness and peace have kissed.
11 Truth shall spring out of the earth,
And righteousness shall look down from heaven.
12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good;
And our land will yield its increase.

Psalm 85:10-12

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall springforth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

Isaiah 61:11 

God is doing a work, my current situation is just a season in life. He is making a way and soon our situation will change like winter changes to spring. Peace washed over me as He whispered these truths to my heart. He is about to do great things. I stayed a while to enjoy the view and take a couple pictures.

At Bible study I gained the courage to ask for prayer. I've never done that before, especially from a group of people. I haven't really ever had friends who would just pray for or with me, here I had a group of women who lent a hand and prayed powerful prayers over me. I don't know if they felt it or not. But I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I never have before. I can't really even put into words what I felt. It was physical, emotional, and I suppose spiritual feeling all at the same time. I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could. I replayed the the prayers of the women in my head as well as the time at the park on the drive home. 

God is making things new again. They will spring forth and all will be for His glory and righteousness. Like struggling through winter and knowing with out a doubt spring and all its beauty is sure to come, so is my life right now. 

Thank you Lord for planting the seeds of hope in my heart today, help me not to forget to take the time to watch  and see what springs forth.

My hope and future will always rest in the promises of the Lord and the knowledge that situations in life are just like seasons, I will take time to look for the righteous in each one. 

Where is your hope and future today?

Does it Mean Anything to You?

Have you ever considered what the Cross of Christ means to you personally? I've often thought about it, but up until this blog post, I haven't thought about it this deep. Recently encouraged, after reading another blog post about what the cross meant to the author, to write my own. I was going to have it posted by Good Friday'. That came and went, then by Easter Sunday. Today is Monday. I really struggled putting thoughts and ideas into words.

Of course the cross means something, it's the basic foundation of Christianity. You can't have the Resurrection with out the cross. With out the Resurrection you don't have Christianity. I kept thinking of the cross itself, the image. You can see crosses on the tops of cathedrals and churches, and worn around the necks of many people. There are also many Bible verses pointing out references to the Cross. How does it all relate to me, to you personally? Does it relate personally?

1 Corinthians 1:18 says, " For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." So what's the message of the cross? How does it lead to salvation? In order to be saved you first need to understand what it means to be saved and know you have the need to be saved. It's not just being saved from something but for something. Saved for a life set apart beyond this world. 

Recognizing the need for salvation doesn't start at the cross, it ends at the cross. It starts in the Garden of Eden where that first sin was planted, took root, and began to entangle itself throughout the world, for generations. Sin causes separation from God our creator, death of the body, and death of the spirit. This truth grieved the Lord so much He made a way to escape death! Through blood sacrifice us modern day "civilized" humans find hard to grasp; which led to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. 

 Understand that the cross represents  death! Our death in exchange for the death of the Savior, Jesus Christ's. He died for us so that we can have eternal life.  The cross IS the central part of the gospel message: "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures," (1Corinthians 15:3,4). With out belief in those scriptures, there would be no foundation for the Christian Faith and no crosses on top of cathedrals, and churches, or worn around necks. 

Today, in much of the world the cross is looked upon as a religious Christian symbol, most commonly seen with a bloody and tortured representation of Jesus still hanging there. Often we see crosses decorated with elaborate designs, or two unremarkable stripped down logs, one vertical and one horizontal. The true cross that Jesus endured, the one He once hung and died on; dying the most horrific way any man could think of dying, is unlike dying by the swift modern tactics of Capitol punishment used today. It was so brutal and awful, even though Jesus knew He would die, needed to die, in order to save mankind He prayed in Gethsemane an agonizing prayer for another way. He prayed to God, “If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, NKJV) Jesus was fully man and fully God while on Earth. Knowing what He was about to face in his human body had to cause the most fear and anxiety ever. Have you ever been anxious and fearful? Jesus knows how you feel, and then some.

I think those who have been Christians for a long time loose sight of the reality the of the cross. It is lost on them because they have heard the story over and over. They are all too familiar with the awful details, coupled with the feeling of having a not too distant relationship with the Lord, the reality of the cross becomes a hazy idea or concept. I didn't realize it until I started researching and typing this out, how guilty of loosing clear sight of the cross I was.

Putting a side all the mental and physical torment Jesus endured hours before the long procession to Golgotha or Place Of The Skull, also known as Calvary, where He would be crucified the horrific ordeal should break the hearts and haunt the minds of anyone who knows the truth. So much so, it should not be forgotten or taken lightly. 

I've learned a lot by reading scientific studies and listening to sermons on the crucifixion. Once Jesus arrived at the spot he was to be hung He was  shoved backward landing with His shoulders against the wood. The Roman guard feels for just the right spot  on the front of the wrist.  A heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is then driven through the "right spot" in wrist and deep into the wood of the crossbeam. The same action is repeated on the other side. The soldier is careful not to pull the arms too tightly, to allow movement. The cross beam on which Jesus' wrists are nailed to is put in place on the top of vertical  beam. Then, the plaque with the Title, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of The Jews", is put in place. With knees flexed and toes pointed down, the left foot is pressed against the right foot onto the wooden beam, and another heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is driven through both arches and into the wood. As Jesus' body begins to droop down from the weight pulling on the nails in the wrists, excruciating pain surges violently through the nerves in his body and erupt in his brain.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. More info a decade ago, reading Jim Bishop’s The Day Christ Died, I realized that I had for years taken the Crucifixion more or less for granted — that I had grown callous to its horror by a too easy familiarity with the grim details and a too distant friendship with our Lord. It finally occurred to me that, though a physician, I didn’t even know the actual immediate cause of death. The Gospel writers don’t help us much on this point, because crucifixion and scourging were so common during their lifetime that they apparently considered a detailed description unnecessary.So we have only the concise words of the Evangelists: “Pilate, having scourged Jesus, delivered Him to them to be crucified — and they crucified Him.”  I have no competence to discuss the infinite psychic and spiritual suffering of the Incarnate God atoning for the sins of fallen man. But it seemed to me that as a physician I might pursue the physiological and anatomical aspects of our Lord’s passion in some detail.Jesus quickly thrown backward with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist. He drives a heavy, square, wrought-iron nail through the wrist and deep into the wood. Quickly, he moves to the other side and repeats the action, being careful not to pull the arms to tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The patibulum is then lifted in place at the top of the stipes and the titulus reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. ***reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. 

Trying to find relief from this tournament Jesus pushes Himself up and puts all of His weight on the nail in his feet which leads to the same violent surge of torturous pain. Fatigue sets in along with muscle cramps and throbbing pain, Jesus is hardly able to adjust Himself. He's fighting for oxygen to gain temporary relief from the cramping. With out being able to lift His body up Jesus can only inhale. With out being able to exhale, carbon dioxide will build up  causing more cramping and throbbing, and ultimately lead to death by asphyxiation. 

It was during this struggle for air Jesus spoke his last words. Looking down to those casting lots for his garments he said,  “...Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do...”(Luke 23:34) Looking to the thief next to him who asked to be remembered when He came to His Kingdom Jesus said, "...Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43) You see, even a thief who was at the end of his life that was worthy of the cross was accepted into Paradise. He didn't have to do anything but believe in Jesus and accept what He was offering; one life for another, His. When looking down to His mother Mary, and one of the disciple He loved He said, "woman, behold your son!" (John 19:26) Remember, Jesus fully God, and fully man, while on Earth, was once a little boy too. He was loved and cared for by His mother. He was a son who cared for His mother and wanted her to be cared for after he was no longer on Earth. This is another detail that shows us how much Jesus is able to relate to and live humanity so much that He would die for us. 

Mark 15:34 says, "And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” This has probably got to be the worst part. Jesus had always had a close fellowship with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. However, at this time Jesus had taken on all the hurts, pain, and the sin of the world. God can't look upon sin in all of its ugliness. It's the sin that separates us from God. Jesus took it all upon himself as well as the pain and anguish sin causes. This is the type of pain, worse than any physical pain can only be felt in Hell, where there is complete separation from God. Jesus did this so that we didn't have to, so He can identify with us, stand up for us, and be an advocate to the Father when no one else can, not even our selves. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." It is often extremely difficult for my human mind to wrap around this very truth. It's like God separated Himself from Himself, think about that... Now my silly self has had moments I was so disgusted with myself and my actions, I couldn't stand my self, I couldn't even look at my self in the mirror. That was just dealing with my own sin. Not the sin of the whole world, past, present, and future! How awful would it be to feel all the sin, shame, and ugliness of EVERYONE who ever lived or will live. And to think, He did it for me and you! 

Weak and feeling forsaken, I believe Jesus had a thirst for the Lord like never before, the type of thirst we should have. "After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” (John 19:28) This was the fifth statement Jesus said as He was slowly giving into His physical death. The Roman soldiers gave him sour wine, and when He received it, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. (John 19:30). Finally, as Jesus is about to give his seventh and final statement on Earth, He knows His mission is complete.  He could leave Hell and the broken Earth to be with the Father who would no longer require a payment or sacrifice for sin, Jesus voluntarily paid it all. "And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’”Having said this, He breathed His last."(Luke 23:46) 

1 Timothy 2:5-6 states, "For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time," Jesus is our mediator, always coming to the Father for us. We might not always feel the full weight of what Jesus did for us on the cross that day or completely understand while we are still inhabiting this earthly human body. However, I do believe our spirit fully understands.  "The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14, NKJV)

I might not have had a strong grasp in my little child mind when I decided to follow Jesus, but as I get older and put life experience behind me while facing new ones, I understand the great need for salvation. It's not just for one day, the day you "say the prayer". It is for every day. Jesus paid the price for my every day mistakes, (those who have followed my blog posts from the beginning know that I have made plenty) that would otherwise separate me from a perfect and loving God. My old (and new) mistakes or sin died on that cross with Jesus and I've been given a new life in Christ every day, IF I CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT. And that's not all, after the cross there is LIFE! Jesus arose from death and said, “...I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live."(John 11:25)

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV). 

The cross is making me knew every day. 

My hope and future are seen through what the cross has done, where is yours?

**"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness ...

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.."

~**From Hymn #370
The Lutheran Hymnal
Author: Edward Mote, c. 1834, cento
Composer: John Stainer, 1873, arr.

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols 

Did you ever think, why? Why didn't God have a plan B? Does he have a plan B? After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden wasn't that end of God's plan; the plan to dwell with and fellowship with His creation? Once sin began to entangle and infuse itself into the world, God couldn't have that same fellowship, yet He never gave up on us, His creation. The Lord is always giving us glimpses of His love  and His desire for us to be near Him, creating structures, symbols, and relationships to reflect His love and desire to be near us.  

One interesting thing  I have learned in my current Bible study, is that God loves us so much, and wants to be near, and have fellowship with us, that He is constantly creating ways to get closer. He uses symbols to keep us reminded of Him or to give us glimpses of the Heavenly Realms where He resides. The Lord uses copies and shadows of the heavenly things. Hebrews 8:5 recounts how Moses was instructed to build the portable tabernacle where He could fellowship with His people: "They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven. This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: ‘See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.’” (Hebrews 8:5)

The Tabernacle and the things to be placed in it and around it was a copy and shadow or pattern straight from God in His heavenly realm. The garden of Eden built by God, for Adam and Eve, where He could fellowship with them, is another copy and shadow of the heavenly realm. If you look at the description of Eden in Genesis and the description of New Jerusalem in Revelations they both contain a river and the Tree of Life. Eden and the Tabernacle both had an East Gate that was guarded. 

Once Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden, the gate wad protected by Cherubim wielding fiery swords, to keep them from returning and taking from the Tree of Life. The Tabernacle contained the  contained the lamp stand that not only represented the tree of life but had rich symbolism about who God is. God's use of symbolism is to keep us reminded of Him. Each of the seven branches on the lamp stand represents the seven (perfect number of completion) attributes of God, with the center one standing by itself as the Spirit if God, surrounded by the other six: wisdom, understand, counsel, might, knowledge, and fear. 

Through out the ages God has been trying to get closer to us. However, due to our sin nature, there is a separation.  A separation that is caused by that sin that took hold of the world in the time of Adam and Eve. As plan A continued, Jesus came to make a way for us to be reconciled to God so that we can again have that fellowship. Sadly, each time God creates new ways to be near, man finds a way to mess it up. Jesus is the final way, it is only through Him that we will have that fellowship that will last into eternity. It is through Jesus, God the Father continues to pursue a relationship with us.  

There is one problem, we are human and by our very nature we will continue the cycle of sin. Unless we desire God and the blessings He has for our lives, more than our life itself, and accepting the gift of God's son, Jesus we won't get to experience the closeness and the presence of God. 

While our sin separated us from God, He never had a plan B. We're still living plan A! I know as much as I seem to fail in life, each failure, if I let it, pulls me further away from God.  Who, by now must have exhausted an alphabet of plans and had to borrow letters or characters from other non-English alphabets, to keep me going. Especially after today, I fell pretty hard. I'm still trying to brush the dust off. 

However, even though on days like today when it is hard to believe, and the life plan doesn't seem to line up just right, either the way we planned or thought God was planning, we  (I) need to remember to praise God. (Especially after I did the complete opposite today). When it doesn't line up the way you thought, hoped and prayed it would, know God has a better plan for you. (Boy, I said something like that in small group last Monday, how quickly my human heart forgot!) Good thing He’s not surprised at the turn of events, of what has come our (my) way, or how you’ve (I've) reacted to it. I'm still a part of plan A, we're still a part of plan A and He is still creating ways to show us His love, pulling us along until the day we get to see Him face to face and He can say, "well done good and faithful servant." 

Look around and see what He is doing in your very midst: your friends, where you work, through your relationships, and the place you live. Find out what He’s doing. It's very hard for me to see today, yet I know and trust He has a calling, that purpose and plan spoken about in Jeremiah 29:11. God knows what you need more than you do. Not only does he have a better view of the bigger picture, don't forget, in His need to be near us and love us in the flesh, He came as Jesus!  "Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."(Hebrews 2:17,18) not only did Jesus allow himself to be tempted, while hanging on that cross he felt the weight of the world's sin, pain, and suffering. He felt and experience everything we could ever go through. If he knows what it's like to be broken, then He knows what will fix us. With that knowledge, Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father praying on our behalf. 
He still gives us glimpses, copies and shadows, of what's to come today. Some of these copies and shadows include our marriages, they are to mirror His love and devotion for us, as described in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. His Word is full of not just stories, but examples and symbols of His love. Even the structure of the church is to keep us encouraged in moving forward in that love He has for us, even when we can't see or feel it. 
2 Timothy goes on to say, " who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began" ( 2 Timothy 1:9). The grace and calling were there before time began! That is when Plan A was set in place. God created time and space for mankind.  Through out that time and space we have been given glimpses copies and shadows of great things to come in our life as well as the great love He has for us each day. So, although things didn't go as planned today, I know and trust God has a better plan, plans to prosper, not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future like it says in Jeremiah 29. Look for the copies, shadows and symbols along the way. It's part of the great adventure! Life.

 

Silence

Silence


How often do you pray with the expectation that God will answer, but then He doesn't? It seems like He isn’t even listening. I have often struggled with the feeling that God just isn't listening. Oh, I've seen lots of answered prayer! Some very incredible prayers, just in the past couple of years. So I don't  doubt God answers, I just have often felt He doesn't always hear me. Or more so, that I can't hear Him.

Here’s an example from last Sunday’s celebration service we had at church. Not only was it a service for celebrating, it was also a time of praise and worship, prayer, deliverance and healing. Now, I have recently joined the prayer team at church...a little hesitantly. I don't hesitate because I don't believe that is where God is leading. I hesitate out of fear of  social awkwardness and fear do doing or saying the wrong thing. However, I do feel in this area, God is pushing me to step into this position. Here is where my problem came in. I prayed, expecting  God to show up, to fill me with His presence and to just set my soul on fire for the people  who were about to enter the church. I wanted to be excited about it like everyone else was. I wanted to feel that electricity many people seemed to be feeling, including my husband. I felt unplugged and like I was missing out on something.

This is often the case when I am at this type of event. Why isn’t God letting me in on all the stuff everyone  else seems to get? And that was my focus for much of the time I was at church. About me and what I was lacking and what I felt God wasn't giving me. Where was God? Why didn't I feel Him?

Now, because things like this seem to happen to me often, I'm beginning to catch on to what is really happening. It just takes a bit to sink in. It's all about perception! What I see as God not listening, caring, being silent, or just leaving me out there after He pushed and I finally  gave in, is just my perception of reality. It is how it looks and feels to me but isn't really how it is. What actually happened that day at church was that God did show up in a huge way! Amazing testimonies were given, lives were impacted, through live streaming thousands of people were a part of it all!

So, no matter how much I “feel” He isn’t there Acts 17:28 says, “for in him we live and move and have our being…” Besides that, Hebrews  13:5 is something I should have focused on earlier, before church; Reminding me  not worry that I wasn't having the same experience  everyone else seemed to have. It says, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” We are called to trust in His promises over our perception.

Do you ever notice, when there is something you really want, that is just out of reach, you do whatever is necessary to obtain  it? As soon as someone says you can't  have something, you want it more. I read an article called When God Seems Silent by John Bloom of Desiring  God. He suggested “absence heightens  desire. And the more heightened  the  desire, the  greater  its  satisfaction  will  be. It is the  mourning  that  will  know  the  joy  of  comfort. (Matthew 5:4). It is the hungry and thirsty that will be satisfied (Matthew 5:6). Longing makes us ask, emptiness makes us seek, silence makes us knock (Luke 11:9).” Bloom put ,my very thought into the following  words, “So you desire God and ask for more of him and what do you get? Stuck in a desert feeling deserted. You feel disoriented and desperate. Don’t despair. The silence, the absence is phenomenological. It’s how it feels, it’s not how it is. You are not alone. God is with you”

While in the middle of my 22 year relationship  with my ex there were many nights I stayed up crying out to God, feeling that He abandoned  me because  of the decisions  I made in my past. Especially  the  relationships I chose  and  the things I allowed in my life. I was too used up and broken for Him to want to answer any pathetic prayer I had. I was forever going to live in that situation shrouded in fear, loneliness, and sadness and that is just how it was going to be. I know that wasn't the truth. He was there in the middle of it all, but I could only see through my perspective, clouded by my emotions.  I wasn't at all trying to seek the truth, I was only focused on the why and how come of my situation, not the what. What was God doing all that time? He was listening, His heart was breaking with mine. He was preparing something better for me, I just couldn't see it yet.

Again I'll pull out this scripture. A running theme to my blog posts, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
God has given me hope and a future! I am so far removed from that old life on to something new! I have an amazing marriage I never thought was possible. I have no doubt I am loved. My home is a sanctuary, where the peace of God rules.

Life isn't without challenge, and boy do we have them! I sometimes still fail to realize God hears me, I can only see from my own perception. If I move towards Him, I'll get a better view of true reality and learn what it is to live by faith and not just sight as 2 Corinthians 5:7 says.

As I've taken over a week to reflect on and type out this blog, I'm realizing and I'm sure I  will need constant reminders that praying for others and ourselves as well as knowing you're in the presence of the Lord just takes faith. That's it. Sounds easy enough. But in our humanness, my humanness, I get all caught up in the circumstances of life, complicated by the harassment of the devil. Faith is the evidence of things unseen, that changes or effects the circumstances we see and live in. I've experienced a lot of that evidence in my lifetime. I can't let fear, false evidence appearing real, get in the way of truth. It's important to continue to keep reminded of what the Lord is doing and has done in our life, in my lifetime. It's all about perception. Does your hope and future lie in the weakness of your own perception or in the faith we're all called to walk in?

If You Don't Deal With It, the Past Will Continue to Bite at You

If you don't deal with it, the past will continue to bite at you.

Have you been struggling to hear from God, searching for direction, or just asking what He wants from you? I have. I've really been trying to set aside quiet time to be still, wait and listen. I learned something... It's not always that we can't hear God, we don't always like to hear what He says. It became very clear to me today after pushing it away for a while, that there were things from my past I haven't completely taken care of. How can I minister to people, encourage them to deal with issues and pray over them if I haven't done the same in my life. Is it easier to say ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up and walk’? (Luke 5:23) It's been easier for me to say I forgive, give forgiveness, and say I accept  forgiveness, but to walk in it, is a greater challenge.

So, God poked and prodded me into writing the following letter and half way through it He decided I'd share it in my blog after I sent it. How can anyone seek out hope in the future God has for you, if you find let Him take care of the past?

Hello,

Surprise! Bet you didn't expect to hear from me, eh? The Lord has really put you on my heart lately. I've tried to push the thought away but it kept returning, so apparently God wants me to tell you what's been on my heart for quite some time. I know shortly after Tim and I were married you sent him a message of gratitude and he let you know that he knew our history and believed I didn't want any contact with you. I don't know if you understand what a difficult spot it is for me to explain to my husband, or anyone for that matter why you're not in my life. I understand why it would be difficult for you, but I can't exactly step into your shoes and see it from your point of view, you can't do the same for me.

I'm not sending you a message to rehash old wounds, to ask questions, accuse, or blame. I just feel there are still some pieces that aren't quiet healed yet, in both of us. That healing will only come from forgiveness. Forgivenesses doesn't mean I'm willing to have a relationship, it just means I'm letting go of all the hurt, pain, blame, and confusion, while giving you the opportunity to do the same. There have been many times I've said, "oh, I've forgiven, moved on, it's no longer an issue." But, I think there are small pieces I managed to hold on to. 

First, I want to say, " contrary to what the rest of my family would like to believe, you are not to blame for all the problems, issues, and poor decisions I've made in my life." What happened, happened. It was wrong, horrible, and in human eyes, unforgivable. When you left my life, really left my life, for me, it was over. 

Although, the I've heard accusations from other people, I can't speak to anyone else's experiences, encounters, or life with you. That's not my place or purpose. I forgive you for the sexual abuse that took place while you were still married to my mom and living with us. 

However, the harder things to forgive are the lies and stories you told for years after you moved out, to impress, divert real issues, and or make yourself look better; trying to appear as someone you're not. For a time I possessed those traits as well. Secondly, I'm letting go of that hurt and releasing you from blame. There comes a time a person knows right from wrong and they can't use their past abuse or hurts, or the way they were raised, as an excuse, as to why they make the choices they make. 

Third, I've struggled over the years knowing I had a dad somewhere out there, that could never fill the role of dad or now, grandpa and great grandpa. Instead, I worried if he's out there hurting other people. I wondered if you went on having a better life than me and mad if you did, thinking you didn't deserve it. There is part of me that felt like you deserved to be forever punished. But you know what? Jesus doesn't treat people that way. He has grace and mercy for EVERYONE! 

In God's eyes, a sin is a sin, no matter how big or small. It is not my job to take inventory of another person's life and it is not my job to judge. If I came to Jesus and asked for forgiveness for the lies I've told and the people I hurt in my life time, He would extend grace and mercy to me. Am I greater than the God of the universe? The one true perfect God of all? No! Compared to HIM, I'm no more than a speck of dust, sitting in the back corner of a room, somewhere that has been forgotten about. But, He sees me, who I truly am and loves me anyway. Who am I to judge or withhold anything? 

I don't know where your walk with the Lord is at, or if you even have one. If I asked you about it, I'm not sure I'd believe anything you said, but again that's not my job to make a judgement. Letting go means it's all between you and God now. I'm letting go of all the past hurt, the blame, and excuses. You're free from my hanging on to any shred of hurt, judgement, or bitterness.

Finally, I pray that God would do an amazing work in your life and bring healing to your heart and bless you richly. 

Dee Dee

Is Your Glove Spirit Filled?

Are you struggling a lot lately with being content?  I am. Even had  a few mini pity parties crying out to God about my discontent and wishing my heart felt different. I also started and deleted a few blog posts venting about being discontent. 

Don't get me wrong, I have many blessings I am very thankful for, a long list, in fact! However, my heart struggles with being content. It's not about having things. It's more about being and doing more. More for the Lord and making an impact for the Kingdom of God. I feel have felt for most of my life I'm just lacking something most Christians who seem to have it together have. I don't know how to fill that empty space. Of course the "Christian" answer is God/Jesus. To that, in my humanness I say, "well duh." That's not exactly helpful.

So yesterday morning, I'm reading a devotional and what does it happen to be on? Being content. Isn't that just like God? In the devotional there was a statement that said, "People tend to think their circumstances determine their quality of life." It went on to remind me that it is possible to be content in any and all circumstances. How many times have I said that very thing to others? I do believe it to be true, but putting it into practice has been difficult lately. I'm either working one of my two jobs or sleeping during the week, same with my Amazing Man. On the weekend we love to go on some kind of mini driving "adventure" and attend church. It's all good, but there's still this part of me that wants more. More of God, but I've got all I'm going to get. (More about that later) I have learned that the key to being content is focusing more on God and enjoying His presence. But I just don't seem to be holding that key in my hand as much as I'd like.

I'm finding, that's where're my problem lies. Enjoying or experiencing God's presence. Not just enjoying the experience, but enjoying so much so that I can find contentment, even through the circumstances that surround me. There are times in my life when I have claimed Philippians 4:12 and felt, for me, it was true. However, now that I have seen and received many blessings, there are other circumstances that hinder me from enjoying them to the fullest. Mostly debt and not quite enough funds, even though we live on a tight budget. 

While I believe God will meet all of my needs, I find my self often questioning the things I desire for my life, "is it a need or a want?"

12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 

19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:12&19)

I believe God does fulfill his promises even if they take, what to us humans, seem like forever. Look how long Israel had to wait to return to their land! While we wait on His promises, God vows to be with us and watch over us. If He's with us, we must be in His presence. 

15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”(Genesis 28:15)

Last Sunday the pastor of the church I attend gave an illustration of of the Holy Spirit in us. He placed a closed hand inside of a glove and asked, "Can the glove get anymore of the hand in it?" The answer clearly was no, the whole hand is in there, the glove can't get more of the hand. Although, the hand can get more of the glove by opening up the fingers and stretching them out. We received all of the Holy Spirit we're going to receive when we were saved, just as the whole hand was in the glove, it didn't fill the glove. However, just like the hand,the Holy Spirit can and should get more of us. The Holy Spirit should fill all of us. As I've been chewing on this thought for almost a week now, I've come to realize, it isn't I who am missing out on more of God, it is God who is missing more of me. 

There are plenty of verses in the Bible that speak of God's presence and how He is with us. Verses like Isaiah 41:10, "10 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We're reminded that we can't be separated from Him. "38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)

So, if He is in us, how do we experience more of His presence? How do we/I receive the guidance, I'm seeking. I've been questioning this for weeks now. The other day, with out telling my husband these heavy thoughts on my heart and the devotional I just read, he proceeds to tell me how in this life, we're just going to have to work hard. True, or not, that's not what I want to hear. Then, later that morning I hear one co-worker say to another, "I hate my life, and roll her eyes." The other co-worker says, "we all do, except maybe Dee Dee." I'm glad people see that in me, but I'm sad I struggle with being discontent. It saddens me more thinking there are many people who feel the same way my co-workers do. Maybe that could have been a time I could witness, but I was too caught up in my own discontent and guilt of giving over to it so wholeheartedly.

Later at lunch, that same day, a student of mine ( I'm a teaching assistant in a special Ed. life skills class) gets upset about not being allowed to have the chips he wanted at lunch (it didn't go with the entrée he picked and he couldn't put back what he picked, because he already touched it). They were there, right in front of him, he almost grabbed them, it's what he wanted, but the lunch lady said he couldn't have them. He cried and cried big heaving sobs. Then, all of the sudden, he wipes his face off, looks up, and says, " it's a beautiful day." He smiled and laughed and started drinking his chocolate milk, just as content as can be. How quickly your perspective  can change your whole attitude! 

I don't know what it looks like yet, or how to walk it all out, but I know I need a change of perspective, maybe even a change of environment (career), in order to better seek and or experience God's presence. If I could experience more of His presence, my direction and contentment should become more clear and evident. In order to feel more of Him in me, I need to give more of me over to Him. I can't let my discontent in this life hinder my witnesses to others. It's all a work in progress! Even if I don't understand it all now.

 Do you have a spirit filled glove? Have you given God permission to stretch further into the fingers of your glove?

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

What are you afraid of? Healthy fear is natural and, it does serve a purpose. It is an emotion or feeling created by God, but not provoked by Him. It shows up  in the presence of, or when expecting danger, and it enables us to avoid dangerous situations. It also shows up  in the presence of superiors and or in those who we feel have power over us, represented by  awe or reverence.   

This time of year many focus on things fearful, scary, and spooky. The fear many of us deal with, or struggle with isn't the type of fear that is represented by awe and respect, or the fear that keeps us out of trouble. It is the fear that keeps us from doing what we know is right, keeping us from letting go and fully experiencing what God has for us. For me the fear of the unknown, entering into new situations, not being in control, and the fear of how someone else may interpret my actions often have such a paralyzing grip on me, it keeps me from moving forward and stepping into areas where God is leading. It isn't the fear that prevents me from entering a harmful  situation, God wouldn't lead me there.

If God didn't give us the spirit of fear, as 2 Timothy 1:7 says, then it must be coming from somewhere else. Satan has a counterfeit for everything God has. While God may have given me that healthy fear to keep me safe, Satan offers fear to provide a false sense of security. If I don't go here or there, do this or that, then I don't have to worry about dealing with other people and or new situations. 

Many people see me as horribly introverted, yet I often question if I'm more of an introvert, or just fearful. Being around large groups of people and enter acting  with them does drain me quite a bit, and fill me with anxiety from time to time. I don't get energized by being around large groups of people like my extrovert friends do. Although, is that just me, an introvert, quiet and reserved? If you've read through my blogs, you know how I don't care for labels and false IDs. The more I think on it, it has more to do with fear than just being an introvert who prefers to stay away from people and crowded situations. 

2 Timothy1:7 says, " For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." This fear comes from the devil and keeps us from living the way God intended. We are given power to overcome anything that comes our way and given love more than any human can give. The fear of being rejected and unloved keeps so many from living a full life. I know, that was me. Sometimes it still is. When you have the love of God the Father and are accepted as His child, all other love pales in comparison. 

Through Jesus' sacrifice we're given the spirit of sonship, not the spirit of bondage to fear. Paul Reminds us of this in Romans 8:15 saying, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption,whereby we cry, Abba, Father." When we live with out that unhealthy fear, we  can and should live with boldness as we're called. Living in boldness opens the door to mercy and grace, so we can live with out fear and go into those places God calls us. Hebrews 4:16 further says,"Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." 

As we look around the world we live in it can often seem dark, there are many things, with good human reasoning that bring on fear. However we don't need to be afraid of the dark or any darkness that wants to overcome us. In john 1:8 Jesus says,"... whoever follows me will not walk in darkness..." In Matthew 5 we're reminded that we have that same light of Jesus in us  guiding us. That light should not be kept hidden but shown to the world so that others can see the light of truth and love that banishes fear and darkness in order to live a full life, the way God intended, with out fear from the darkness Satan tries to cover us in. 

Go let your light shine, don't be afraid of the dark! "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5