Victor or Victim? A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare

Victor or Victim? 

A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare 

To be a victor you must win a contest, challenge, battle, or war, in doing so you defeat or conquer an opponent. In fact victor derives from the Latin word, vincere meaning conquer. The opposite of victor is, victim. A victim is someone who is harmed, injured or killed as a result of some action or event. A victim may also be someone who was tricked, duped, or fooled into believing opposite of the truth. In the late 15 century the word victim signified a creature killed as a religious sacrifice, derived from the Latin word victima. 

In our world it isn't very popular to go into combat and battle those who seek to do us harm, to protect ourselves from potential enemies, to be looked upon as conquers. It is however, very much okay to play the victim. Being a victim you're not held accountable for your actions, "because you didn't know." You can gain benefits for being a victim who has been harmed, or afflicted by some new disorder, indisposition, misfortune, or hardship. Does that seem upside down to you?

Whether you understand it or not, there is a spiritual realm around us that is very much affected by the convictions and attitudes we carry in our hearts about such things. In that spiritual realm, there is a battle raging. Just as our attitudes and convictions have an affect in the spiritual, the battle there has an affect in the physical. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

In the end, we know that Christ has already won the war, but as the battle rages on, we can have every day victories. Whether our battle is with drugs, alcohol, some sort of disorder, mental, or physical, or battles often disguised as anger, depression, anxiety and self harm, if we understand the battle and where it is coming from, we can obtain blessing and victory. We can't  just throw our hands up and decide to do nothing, wait and see what you end up getting in heaven. The battle is here, right now. Just as God's Kingdom is here right now, where ever you ask Him to reign and rule. Where He reigns, so does His power. You don't want to wait until heaven for what you can have now! 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:3-4) Remember on this earth we may walk in the physical, what we can see, but the war is waged in the spirit that we can't always see. The strongholds, the things that keep tripping us up, that are fought in the mind, can only be defeated in the spirit, by The Holy Spirit. You have to allow Him into those places. You know, those places few know about; places you yourself don't want to admit are there. Where The Holy Spirit and His power reigns, so does His light and love. No darkness or stronghold can stay.  Will you let Him in? In the darkness the devil is on the prowl. You can stay in the dark, unwilling to fight and hope you receive that victory in heaven. You can sit there hiding out, not hurting any one, just biding your time, thinking it'll go away, until the devil devours you while your waiting. The devil can see in the dark, he created it. The darkness is just the absence of God, The Holy Spirit. Invite The Holy Spirit into the dark and He will fight the battle with you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1Peter 5:8

When your battle has been won and you've gained victory and blessing, continue to stay on guard, the war is not over until the Savior returns in full.   As we grow in our faith and take stands for Him, Satan will tremble and look for other weak areas to attack. We'll continue to be tempted, tested, and tried, but we won't have to fight alone. We'll continue to be victorious if we continue to fight. Being a victim is easy, it doesn't take work. Being a victim does hurt and it's often shameful, but once you decide to stand back up and get in the battle, you are no longer a victim, you will be a victor, a conquer!

"12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Get over it, just face it. You're not the only one it's happened to. You're not the only one hurting and caring those scars. As long as you're breathing on this broken and battered sphere called Earth, you're going to face trials. At times it may be so difficult, it may feel as the life is being sucked out of you. BUT if you keep moving forward, keeping your eyes on the One Who has already suffered far beyond what we could imagine suffering, His glory will be revealed. In His glory, you will rejoice. Don't give into fears of the what ifs, how comes, and why nots. Stay in the battle and stand your ground. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

12 Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 2 Timothy 3:12 

While you're standing ground and living your life for the Lord in every way you can think of, winning battles and claiming victory, Satan will look for new ways to attack. Sadly, he will go after loved ones in attempt to turn your eyes to the battles of others, to distract and throw you off guard. That's when you take the strength you have and apply it to your loved ones in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

So much is written in the Bible about spiritual warfare and how to fight and stay strong.  In these times we're living, it is very important to stick to the battle plan He has set before us. 

As I write this I think of how many times I let the smallest battles trip me up. Usually they are the old thoughts or tapes that are completely irrelevant to anything in my life today. Yet, I let it pull me down, I don't pick up God's battle plan, His word, I fight blindly. Then I remember why He gave us His word. "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”John 16:33

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ( Ephesians 6:13 ) the whole armor means, the whole armor. Would a warrior march on to battle leaving any part unprotected? No. Then why do we often forget about pieces of our armor meant to protect us? Ephesians 6:10-18 lists what the whole armor includes: The girding of your waste with truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet shodden with the preparation of the gospel of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of The Spirit. 

The first piece of armor, I'm assuming is some sort of girdle like a belt or cord. But considering it is listed first it must be pretty important. This belt is not an ordinary belt but, a belt of truth. Very important I'd say when facing the father of lies and author of confusion. When we listen to his little whispers in our ear with out the belt of truth, how easily do we stumble? (sorry but my geeky side can't help but think of wonder woman's lasso here. OK now back on topic) We can't start stumbling around before the fight begins. We might believe the biggest lie, " it's impossible it can't be won." Fear and doubt. Fasten that belt of truth on tight! It will protect us as well as our testimony to others.

Second, the breastplate protecting those vital organs. The righteousness of Jesus Christ guards our hearts and keeps us free from the unrighteousness of sin Satan accuses us of. Unrighteousness, that would otherwise be the cause of our spiritual death and separation from our Heavenly Father.

Third, our feet are to be prepared for spiritual conflict. As we move throughout the world we will enter into Satan' territory. Just like any enemy territory filled with land mines and other types of IEDs or traps. 

Advancing into Satan's territory, we need to be aware that there will be traps. Those traps can be avoided by holding firm to and spreading the Gospel of Christ so that others might be saved. 

Fourth, when we're deep in the battle and our faith begins to shake, hold on to that shield of faith. Let it shine and reflect God's truth and love at the enemy, blinding them to the lies and doubt that make God's word  seem void. Let it reveal the truth in Christ who is the "author and perfecter." 

The fifth important part of our armor protects another vital part of our body. The helmet of salvation. Think of everything that goes on in our head. Our biggest battles are often fought in our mind, before it is fought anywhere else. Our mind is capable of storing so much important and some not so important information. The most important information it stores is the knowledge of salvation and the fact that you have eternal life through Jesus Christ. It stores the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus so that no other false doctrine can invade your heart and mind. It enables you to share the hope and truth of the gospel of salvation with others. With out this helmet, the truth can not be seen or understood.

The final piece of armor, the only offensive piece, is the sword of The Spirit. It's the one weapon Jesus used to defeat Satan while being tempted in the desert. Just speaking the Word of God, will defeat Satan every time. 

As the description of our battle armor concludes in Ephesians 6:18 we are told to pray always honestly and humbly in the spirit, being watchful to the end preserving praying with and for others. I think prayer is what helps keep our armor functioning properly. That constant connection with God keeps everything else running smoothly. 

These pieces of armor are entrusted to every believer so that we may continue through the battles and gain victory. They are to protect and strengthen us by building our faith, trust, and confidence in the "author and finisher of our faith", as said in Hebrews 12:2.

 It's already been written. In the end Satan will loose when the final battle has been won. We will be conquers in Christ. Romans 8:37 says, "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

10 Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. Revelation 12:10

My future hope lies in the day that salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser. That's when the final battle will be over, the war won, and peace will reign for all eternity! Where's yours?

Remember Whose Child You Are

Remember Whose Child You Are

I don't know when the idea came to me but I do remember the thoughts, feelings, and circumstances that lead to it. I was in my previous marriage  at the time and my husband was heavy into drugs and alcohol often raging about something, real or made up.  I was doing my best in the circumstances I lived in to raise my children for the Lord. I knew I had made mistakes and would make more in my endeavor to try an shield my kids from the ugliness of some of the things in their world. 

At a young age I tried to get them to understand that there will be times I fail them or wouldn't always be there for them. There might even be times they were afraid and I wouldn't be able to be there to protect them. But there was a God, a Father in heaven who would always be there and who loved them more than I ever could. He went wherever they went and was aware of everything they did. I told them that before they were my children, they were the Lord's. And that's where the phrase came from, "remember who's child you are." 

As my children grew older, I knew they would not always be around me. They would gain more independence,  have friends of their own to go off with, and I wasn't going to be there to influence or correct their actions. So each time they left the house out into the world with out me, besides saying, I love you, I would tell them, "remember whose child you are." It was later followed up with a reminder, "You're a child of a King and you should act accordingly." I wanted them to always be aware of their actions and know that I'm not the only one who holds them accountable. I could only hold them accountable for what I knew about, but God sees all and they would one day answer to Him for their actions good or bad.

Therapists and doctors today will tell a person that the poor choices they make are due to the mistakes their parents made while raising them. It takes the blame off the one making poor choices, gives them an excuse, and frees them from accountability. There comes a point in everyone's life, or at least it should, when you know right from wrong. If you know right from wrong, you're  able to decide for yourself which you'll choose. 

 Like I mentioned in my first blog post, in my late teens I faced some major depression and anxiety; accompanied by alcohol and  other means of self destruction. Of course I had an excuse for it. I was living in a home that was often out of control, that, and I was a teenager. Was I aware of God in my life? Yes. Did I lean on Him in times of trouble and when I had feelings of desperation? Not as I should have. Did I drink and sleep with guys in order to drown out the pain and confusion, to find self worth and experience love and acceptance? Yes. Could I have brought all of my hurt, shame, and anger to the Lord? Would He have comforted me? Did He send people in my life to influence and guide me? Yes, yes, yes to it all!!! It's all a spiritual battle we can chose to fight or give in to, yet rarely do people see it that way. I didn't act that way and give into the depression, anxiety, and all that other stuff because of the way I was raised or the things I experienced in life. It was because I failed to recognize the spiritual battle and listened to the lies of the devil. Having this knowledge hasn't left me anxiety free and with out any bouts of depression, I am still human living in a broken world. However, when I take it to the Lord, who's very name covers and protects me, I gain freedom from it!

God is, Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there. He is Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides.  Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and He is El Elyon, The Most High God. If He is my Heavenly Father then I am the daughter of a King!  In my poor choice to turn from Him, the most high God, who is always there, provides a way out, and offers peace, I looked to the world, and what it had to offer instead. My choices damaged family relationships and further damaged my self esteem. It wasn't my upbringing, it was how I chose to deal with my upbringing.

 My teenage and early adult years, a time of life I don't talk too much about, I'm not at all proud of it, as it shows me in an ugly light. However, God always saw me as beautiful. A beautiful mess perhaps, but beautiful. The way I dealt with my life just brought me more guilt and shame. I had aunts boldly, sometimes harshly, pointing out my sin, it made me pile on even more guilt. I held on to it instead of giving it to the one who had already redeemed it.  Instead of facing it, I let it eat at me. Sometimes I would try to turn to the Lord in my own power, but I never made the full commitment to give over everything, all of my ugliness.

 It wasn't until then, when I completely gave it all to Him did I begin to find peace. When you live in fear of being found out that you're a big fake, you're not the perfect person you're trying to be...When you live in fear that nobody will love you the way you are, or that you'll never fit in, or have  fear of anything, you won't have peace. The opposite of peace is fear. When we hold on to fear we can't have peace. Through Jehovah Shalom we can live in peace, or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. Through that peace we can live as the child of The most High King, just as we're called to be.

I have had an idea for quite a while about blogging on the idea of being the daughter or a child of the King, but I wasn't sure from what perspective to take it from. It wasn't until after listening to a speaker at Saturday's Morning Tea for the ladies at church, sharing a piece of my testimony with another woman there, and dealing with some family issues that echoed the very loudly the need for everyone to keep in mind that they are a child of The Most High and we should act accordingly.

As much as I had always told my children through out their lives to remember who's child they were, I hadn't turned it around to myself. I didn't really start doing that until almost three years ago when someone handed me a book they thought I should read called, His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. The point in wanting my children to remember who's child they were wasn't just because I wanted them to take responsibility for their actions but to know they were special and loved, not just by me, but a king! This book is written as a collection of letters from The King to us his Princess. Apparently it was something I needed to read.

We are children of the Most High King and we should act accordingly. What does that look like? It's funny that the speaker Saturday discussed the very idea of being a child of God. She used an illustration that pricked my heart a bit, because I couldn't relate to it. She described what it was like to be a little girl holding on to her daddy's strong hand, and while her hand was in his she felt safe and strong and that she could do anything. She related that feeling to what it is like to return and trust in the Lord. I have absolutely no idea what that is like. I never had a touch from my earthly father that felt safe. Although I longed for that very feeling, to put my hand in a big, strong, encouraging hand, that steadies my steps. Not having that left a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with so many worldly and self destructive things, everything but God. The one who had been holding out His hand all along. All I had to do is reach out and take it. When I finally did, He lifted me up, set me straight, and as long as I hold on He keeps me steady. 

18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,

Says the LordAlmighty.”( 2 Corinthians 6:18)

Being a child of The King means to walk in faith. With faith, you can't have doubt. There's no doubt which way to go in life if you trust Him enough to follow Him. Isaiah 48:17 reminds us to listen He will tell us which way to go. "Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,The Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go." And, "For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26) Life is going to be hard, in our humanness we will make mistakes but those mistakes are what we do, not who we are. He will keep us from being caught or unable to escape. Keep moving in the direction He calls you.

Your crown may be a little beat up, tarnished, and it may be missing a few jewels, but your title of Prince or Princess of The Most High can never be taken away. Walk in the position you hold, with your mangled crown on your head, looking forward to Him, and keep going! My hope and future are in Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there; Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides; Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and in El Elyon, The Most High God, My Heavenly Father. 

Remember Whose Child You Are.

**

Jehovah Shalom- the Lord is Peace Judges 6:24

Jehovah Shammah-The Lord is there Ezekiel 48:35

Jehovah Jireh- The Lord Will Provide Genesis 22:14

Elyon- The Most High God 

Genesis 14:18

The Heat is On

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

God has really been using the messages given by the pastor at my church, the current group Bible study I'm in, and of course my Amazing Man to speak incredible truth into my life. There aren't any new truths, as God said there is nothing new under the sun, but new layers of truth are revealed in order to see more clearly what God is pointing to. And I'm just now getting it. For a few weeks those old enemies, anxiety and depression have really been attacking me. 

However, after deciding not to give in and just continue to press into those places God is leading, whether I feel so anxious I'm going to die, or at the very least, pass out or not..I think I'm starting to hear and understand a little better when God is trying to get ahold of me. (By the way, I haven't died or passed out yet.) So I just take a week or so and write a blog and make the devil pay a toll by giving the glory back to God!

While I may have been saved at the young age of 11 years old, like you read in my first blog post, and believe I have had a relationship with the Lord all these 33 years, it's only been in the past year or so that I realized, I may have grown in the Lord, and have depended on Him for my existence, but that is all the relationship was. Depending on Him to exist and survive. Like a baby depends on their parents. They don't understand true love yet.  Babies just understand they have a need, they look to their parents to fulfill that need, and when it is fulfilled, they are content. They are growing and feel fulfilled but it takes time to mature.

 I think for so long I have stayed in that child stage. Not really mature or as mature as I should or could be. I just knew, as I said in my first blog post, "I had a need not to be alone, feel rejected, or abandoned. I had a need for a loving father who loved me for me, because he created me. Not for what I can do for Him. I may not have fully understood the meaning of salvation until I was much older." Yet, today, I'm still learning; there is more to learn about the precious gift of salvation, and the relationship God wants to have with us.

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Tim 1:6 NKJV)

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

Wow! 2 Timothy 1:6, The verse just before one of my most important life verses. How could I have missed it for so long? Ya know, the Greek word for gift is charisma, which is a gift of grace, an undeserved gift from God, referring to not only salvation but gifts of the spirit. 

God lit the fire in your heart!  In my heart! It happened when we came to Him and received salvation!  The fire was lit and gifts of the spirit were distributed as He felt necessary. It is up to us to keep the fire going and to work and flow in the gifts of the spirit as He sees fit. Not just when it is convenient for us. ( Those last few lines didn't necessarily come from me, because to me, it's a bit anxiety provoking)  So when I feel my light isn't burning like it once was, I suppose there are some things I should be doing to stoke up the flame. 

Since coming to the realization, that I needed and wanted that relationship with the Lord, and receiving the gift of salvation, I've had many times of growth and rededication. I've also had many times in my life where I have strayed, allowed certain things, people, and relationships to influence and even alter the direction my life was headed, not always in a good direction. I've had to turn around many times, often feeling like I was at square one. Isn't it wonderful we serve a God of second, third, even 70 times 7 chances? 

The wounds of the past, due to my poor choices, and some times the choices made for me, may be healed, but not with out scars left behind. The amazing thing about scars is that they were once wounds that were a bloody mess, but through the cleansing and healing of the Holy Spirit, they no longer fester and ooze. Scars remind us where we've come from, and what we've been saved, cleansed, and healed of. Even as Thomas in John 20:27 understands, Jesus is recognized by His scars. It wasn't His sin but ours that caused the scars. He shares in them  to be used as a reminder to give testimony of God's unfailing love. 

Being in this new marriage I'm in, and sharing this new life, I have been given a new glimpse of God's love, and what a Godly relationship should be like. Most importantly what His love looks like. Things are so much better these days. As I look back through my past and all the events that took place to get me here, it reminds me of the way precious metals are refined. To remove all the impurities, to make it stronger and more valuable, it must go through the fire! And I've been through some pretty hot flames, often raging infernos.  With out it all, I don't think I would appreciate the life I have now. 

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with hardly any material possessions in comparison to many in our country and even some around us, we don't go on extravagant vacations, or own fancy cars, or anything like that. All of our furniture is second hand and mostly free, we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment that costs way too much, we barely make it pay check to pay check, no matter how hard we ( I should say my husband. He works harder than I) work. Yet, we appreciate all that we have more than we did when we had the "stuff"  before we lost it ALL (my husband had much more to loose than I). Life isn't about the stuff, it's about where your heart is for the Lord. About the relationship  you keep with Him, and moving forward.  Psalm 24:3-5 says, "Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?
4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god."

It is my desire to receive and keep clean hands and a pure heart, after emerging from the refining flames, in order to stay aware of and or recognize the presence of the Lord. It's in the presence of the Lord we find our hope and future. 

While I've been fighting back the darkness, like a mist around the edges of my mind, and the anxiety that wants to creep into my thoughts these past couple of weeks, I've used this post I'm writing here, and my current Bible study to help stay focused on Him. In doing so, a thought has been trying to settle in my heart since last night's Bible study... 

Ya ever feel like one of those people who never seem to catch a break, while you watch others around you who seem to get everything handed to them? Maybe not everything, but things just come to them naturally, and they probably don't even pray about it. You pray about it, you work hard, and you do your best in all your humanness to live "a good Christian life", and you still seem to miss out. It's frustrating to pray for something for so long and seeming to never get it, or feel your prayer wasn't heard, or think it's been delayed by some action or inaction you took or didn't take?! The thought I struggle with, yet know I MUST BELIEVE IT, or loose my mind over current situations, is this: "It doesn't come naturally because there is no glory in that. My prayers are heard and answered, either now or in the future. It's in a supernatural way so that there would be no denying that the answer or solution came from God the Father who loves me more than anyone else could, which further reveals  His glory." I've seen that supernatural answer after praying for the same thing for almost 20 years! So, I know God hears and answers in His time for a reason, grater than our limited minds can understand.

However, tonight in all my messiness and inability to see the whole picture, my hope and future seem a little distorted and veiled. I am thankful, I know He is on the other side of the veil and when the time is right, He will lift it and show me more of what I need to see in order to increase my faith and keep me moving forward. Until then, I won't give up my hope in knowing He holds my future, and I know it's better than anything I could ever dream. In the mean time I could use some of that supernatural intervention in my life.

Get Out of Your Head

Get Out of Your Head, You Have No Friends In There!

Coming from a life where there once was isolation and abuse (those first words are extremely hard to put out there), being a natural introvert, and having had major battles of depression and anxiety, sometimes I can find it very easy to retreat from people or life experiences in general, and just become invisible. But I know that isn't where God wants me. As many may know from my first blog post, http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

God didn't bring me this far in life to just become invisible. 

Now I understand, all humans have bouts of feeling anxious or depressed that's a normal part of life. However, when you have those times and they keep you from doing what you know you need to be doing, you better be on your knees before God. That's when you need more strength to just get up and move forward. Yet I also know, in the middle of it all it isn't always easy to recognize the need. 

Now, I've spent a huge chunk of my life just living in my head. I've learned if you stay too long, it could be dangerous. There are no friends in there! Your mind is Satan's favorite place to play and attack. While I have gotten better and feel like the Lord has delivered me from anxiety and depression it doesn't mean I don't slip back once in a while. 

Just this past week or so, I have had a pretty big battle. It's been quite a while since I felt this bad. Tonight it scared me. I don't like to admit it and for the most part, I "think" I'm good at hiding it. I didn't do anything to try and make it better. I didn't talk about it, I didn't pray about it, I did some complaining to God though, I didn't do my Bible Study homework, which would have been helpful considering the topic I found out about today. I missed out on good stuff because I chose to wallow around in "my" depression. Yup, I claimed it and stayed there, in "my" depression. Why do I do that to myself? 

What do I have to feel so anxious and depressed about, that I stop what I need to be doing in life? Living. Now, I know the old reasons I had, but God has restored and redeemed all of that. So where does it all come from?

Of course there's that old enemy we like to blame, but often we're our worst enemy. Satan, he just helps add to it. All Satan does is throw lies on top of a situation already created, either by ourselves or just a life interruption. So when I began to slip into my head and think about the difficulties in our finances, needing to get a better job and increase my income, being the Godly wife my husband needs, following God the way He calls, and realizing true or not, I'm failing at all of those things, or so I think; I listen to the father of lies who tells me "I'm no good, I'm unworthy of love, would never make a good pastor's wife, never be able to minister to other young women the way I feel called to, I can't even hear from the Lord, there's no fire in me, and who do I think I am, look where I've been, unworthy one."

Only by the Grace of God did I lift my head up enough to hear God asking, "Are you done yet? Are you ready to get out of that mess you're wallowing around in?" I got myself to Bible study, the 1/2 hour drive was beautiful. Sometimes, I think God paints the sky just for me. While in Bible study I heard two good truths that I really needed to hear. First, " God lights the fire in us when we receive salvation and spiritual gifts. It's up to us to keep the fire burning." The other truth I heard was that, "true intimacy with God begins with humility. With out fail God will bring things about you, some/most maybe not so nice into the light to be dealt with before you enter new ministry. A fresh glimpse of yourself to bring deeper humility before you go deeper into your calling." I've known for a while God has been calling me to greater and deeper things. While He is trying to shine the light on areas that may need some dealing with, Satan is trying to cloud my vision by taking me back to revisit the old life full of the old lies.

I need to battle it with the truth that I know. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." And 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." These two verses are the very ones that broke the chains of anxiety and depression for good those many many years ago and His Word never returns void as long as I hang on to it and keep moving forward. By staying out of my head, there are no friends in there with answers. Only God has the answer. My hope and future lie in the truth of His promises, and yours?

And They Lived Happily Ever After...The End

And They Lived Happily Ever After...The End

"... “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

And naked shall I return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lordhas taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”"

Job 1:21

While scholars can't agree exactly when Job lived, there seems to be a consensus among some theologians I have read about, that he lived sometime after the flood and just before Moses, maybe the early part of Moses' life time. However, he was a real man who had a whole book dedicated to his life in God's Word. 

Job was a prosperous man with a strong faith in God, a large household including: seven sons and three daughters and many possessions. God's word states that he was considered "blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil." Yet, he endured  numerous hardships all in one day, greater than the average man ever had!  Job lost his seven thousand sheep by lightning, or as the Bible puts it, " fire from heaven". The Chaldeans formed three bands, raided the three thousand camels and took them away, as well as killed his servants by the sword. Five hundred yoke of oxen, and five hundred female donkeys were raided and taken away by the  Sabeans,  who also killed more his servants by the sword. Job's sons and daughters were also crushed and killed under the oldest brother's roof while they were eating and drinking wine as the book of Job tells, "a great wind came from across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house and it fell on the young people." Through all the loss, pain and sorrow, Job never "sinned or charged God with wrong. He held on to his faith in a merciful God! 

Still, Job endured more! He became covered in sores from head to toe, even lost his peace of mind. Surely he must have felt depression over take him and insanity creep to the edges of his mind . In fact, he cursed the day he was born. I've been in that state of mind before, almost there last night. (Oh the places the Devil can take you, if you let him.) His friends, thinking they were helpful surely weren't, by trying to put the blame all on him and some sort if sin he must have committed. After all, why else would God allow all this? Job's own wife encouraged him to curse God and die! See, Satan was trying to shake his marriage too. Job held fast to his faith, he never gave up, trusting in a God who is good and loving through it all. 

In the end, Job's life was restored with twice as much as he had before! His friends came back, he gained a new family of seven sons and three daughters and he lived to a good old age, and saw four generations of descendants. The perfect "And they lived happily ever after...The End" story.

Not that my life has been as rough as Job's, but those who have followed my blog or at least read my first post knows, I've had some tough struggles before I lost everything. However, like Job I have had everything restored and gained even more and better than what I had before. Like Job, my life isn't a fairy tale, happily ever after, sure, but "The End"? Not quite.

Job gained his family, possessions, and wealth back. However, knowing our God, it wasn't just handed to him. I'm sure there was work involved. Man, going through raising that many teenagers again, that's enough work for anyone. As silly as it sounds, all of that just dawned on me today after crying most of the night and morning.

I was crying about how hard life is. It is a struggle, it's not fair. I posted some of this pity party on FaceBook last night: My Amazing Man is currently working 2 jobs. The day job has turned into 30 hours a week, and the evening job 40 hours a week. I'm down to one job that I'm feeling quite burnt out on, after 15 years of the same type of work. When I had more than one job, it was so mentally and physically stressful. Now, we're still just barely making it. I hate that Tim works so hard and when his body is tired and sore, he keeps going. I can't find a better job to replace my current one or as much as I don't want, find another job to add to the one I have that won't kill me. 

We have such a great desire to get more involved in church and make more connections. We have a dream to move into a house of our own and expand ministry roles. We want to be able to help and bless others more than we're able, especially family members who really need it. My heart aches for all the things I desire but feel unable to do. I don't want "things", I've learned to live with very little. It's the connecting with people/friends outside of social media including my husband, I really miss and want. As well as buy groceries and pay the bills.  

 I haven't forgotten my blessings. "God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good."It could always be worse, I've lived way worse before! This is just a different kind of struggle. I know God will and is walking us through it even though it seems so dark now. He won't let go of our hands.

 

Everyone wants their "happily ever after...The End." I think especially in America we're conditioned to believe that because we're Americans we don't have to work as hard, land of the free and all. As I look back on all the things I'm crying about, as real as they are and as painful as they are to me, they are first world problems.

I still live in the best country in the world, even though many of the people living here seem to be making some poor life choices that affect our nation. It's still better than others. My husband and I may not be serving the Lord in the capacity we feel led to yet, but we are still free to worship Him. We're free to choose whom we want to marry and be an equal partner in that marriage; with out being hidden away, abused and tortured. ( I am more than aware in some cases it happens in our country, but it's not acceptable) which is why I have an Amazing Man in my life. Our rent for our tiny apartment may be crazy high and difficult to pay, but we have a place that is warm and dry. Our cars may be in some desperate need of work and payments are behind on one, but we have TWO. We may not have the jobs or careers we like, but we have work with Sundays off. God didn't guarantee a 40 hour work week. In Biblical times as well as countries around the world today, people work from sun up to sun down seven days a week making a fraction of what we make, if they have a job at all. And people in our country want to cry about not having paid maternity or paternity leave for months at a time. Or paid for this or that, because other countries ( who are going bankrupt by the way) are doing it. People want to cry about all of these false social injustices in our country while turing their heads to what is going on in the rest of the world. We are a spoiled nation and it is easy to get caught up with everyone crying, "it's not fair". 

So, we may be barely making financially it at this time, BUT WE ARE MAKING IT, and better than many others in the world. I don't know everything God is working out in us and I don't quite know what the lesson to be learned is. Although, I do know the plans He has for us is to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us hope and a future! He said so. 

Prosperity, hope, and a future doesn't mean life with out a struggle and hard work. Our human idea of prosperity is very different in God's eyes than our human eyes, I'm sure. Monetarily, God's economy is very different than ours.  Anything worth having, including a good life is worth working hard for.  Even if I have to piece together jobs that cause fear and anxiety because they are so out of my box and maybe somewhere deep inside a small part of me felt it was beneath me, if that's what God leads me to, I shouldn't turn it away. I should stay faithful in ALL THINGS AND IN ALL CONDITIONS, because HE is faithful to me! Besides everything good in this life is a gift. And every gift is only temporary.

Where is your faith today? Oh to have the faith of Job. When life is at it's worse don't give up. Like Job, He's not done with you yet!

Stepping into Boldness

Are you a believer? It's one thing to be a believer, it's another to be a disciple. The term "disciple" comes from the Greek word, mathetes; meaning, pupil or apprentice. A pupil learns from a teacher and an apprentice not only learns, but puts what he learns into practice while still under the teacher or master, like on the job training. We're called to be disciples, followers, of the Lord, Jesus and His teachings. 

You can just believe or you can believe and follow. Once you become a believer and make a decision to follow Christ, do you really follow his lead? What keeps you from moving forward? Often, it's actually God who will stop you from moving forward. You may have certain issues in your life aren't dealt with, or that you need to overcome before you can move further in your walk with Him. He'll stop you until it is taken care of. It's kind of like taking midterm exams. Once you pass them, then you can move on to the next chapter. We don't always pass the test on the first try. Sometimes, we need a refresher and need to take the course and exams over to remind us what we've learned. 

Currently, one of the issues or chapters I'm working on is boldness. Over the past little over a year I have had people speak into my life and pray prayers of boldness over me. The first person who ever did this was someone I had never met, and my husband hadn't seen or talked to in quite a bit. It was at a church we decided to randomly stop at on our way home from our Honeymoon. This person didn't regularly attend that church either, he too was just passing through. He prayed l would step into the boldness God was calling me too. I thought, "what a scary prayer, why would he pray that? I'm not ready to step into anything. He doesn't know me, I'm not bold."There are no coincidences in God's Kingdom.  Another time was at a sort of woman's meeting during praise and worship time. A dear godly woman pulled me aside and told me how God was and is going to move through me and how I needed to step into the boldness He had for me.  It was the last thing she ever said to me before she died. Recently, I attended a woman's conference and thought I was going to a breakout session to learn how to pray better, instead I was once again prayed for and the words of encouragement about stepping into boldness spoken over me. What is this God is working out in me? I don't see the big picture yet and as I struggle, sometimes reluctantly, to move forward and follow His lead, even if it means being bold, which for me, is a scary thing to consider.

It wasn't so long ago and quite a few times since, I felt the call to full time ministry, not really knowing what that looks like yet, but knowing it would involve speaking to people, sometimes groups of people. For me, that is terrifying! I keep trying to push the idea away and it keeps returning. While I'm in training for whatever this is going to be, I've had two occasions where I had to stand in front of groups and give talks that included my testimony. I've also very recently been called to pray for others on a prayer team, which means getting up in front of people. These, as I'm coming to realize are small exercises training me for whatever he has in store. 

Last Sunday I learned a little lesson about boldness from a young lady, who is quite a bit younger than me. I often see her in church up front freely worshipping God with what appears to be her whole being. She she hears from the Lord, is bold enough to share what what she feels the Lord is telling her, in front of the whole church, and she is just about always dead on. From the perspective of someone who doesn't know her well, it all seems effortless. However, speaking to her, she gets scared and yet she still obeys. She feels that if God gives her something to share, it is needed at that very time and there is a person who needs to hear it. She said that her Grandma told her, "when her feet feel like they are in concrete as she tries to go forward, it is because Satan doesn't want her to." That's  when she knows it's from the Lord and she needs to  go. 

Ya see, that young girl already knows a truth that had escaped me because I am so stuck where Satan wants me, in fear and being over self conscious.   She knows she can't let a person miss out on a blessing because of her fear. That's where I need to be, at that level of trust. If I can't give God ALL of my trust, how can I receive all of what He has for me and move forward in the places he wants me to move, and receive blessings He's holding for me. He has a plan, future and hope for me as I have always known to be true. He's holding it out in front of me, but it's up to me to step up and take it. 

"And whoever does not bear his cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not sit down first and count the cost, whether he has enough to finish it—" (Luke 14:27,28)

The cross we are to bear is whatever burden, test, or trial we have set before us. If we aren't willing to bear our own cross, why should we expect God to grant us any hope or future? What does it cost us if we don't step up, move forward, and bear that cross? What are the rewards if we do? Are we willing to miss out? 

In reality Jesus already carries the heaviest part of our cross, and will be there helping us as we carry ours. In fact he says in Matthew 11:28-30, Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” I thought of that verse while looking at the shadow in the picture I took over the weekend from my church's Christmas display with live nativity. The shadow in the picture looks like the cross is being held by someone much bigger. Jesus holds up the cross we bear so we aren't overcome by the weight. He's there while we go through the tests, trials, and burdens in life, the ones usually caused by our own making. He's there as we allow him to administer tests in order to move forward. Step up and take what He is offering. I'm working on stepping up into that boldness!

What are you missing out on today because you're afraid to step up and take it?