Lesser of Two Evils

Thoughts for the day...
Lesser of two evils?

"Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils, is still choosing evil"
-Jerry Garcia

It's been coming for some time now, many have watched and warned of the darkness that seems to be overtaking our little piece of the world here in the U.S. For so long our young and inexperienced country seemed like the brand new, shining beacon of hope, sitting on a hill, for all to come and live, and worship, in peace and safety. Gaining that peace and safety didn't come with out risk, hard work, and fighting battles or wars. All accomplished while looking to the Lord.

Laying a strong foundation in Jesus Christ has kept our country, states, cities, communities, and families strong. However,  little by little, as our country grew older, just like any one growing up, maturing, and looking to find "their own way"; the foundation set down by their parents (or founding fathers in our case), is chipped away by making willful and poor decisions.  The way in which they should go is lost and confused. Darkness sets in and the path is no longer clear. As long as they continue to look to themselves, instead of the One who set and lights the path before them, their way will be rocky.  Any one they try to lead will stumble around in the dark with them until they seek the light and the right path. There are so many paths to choose from. Although, when you get so far away from the light none of the paths look safe, you're faced with a decision of picking the lessor of two evils. Or, perhaps you could just turn back to where you came from and seek the light.

Every Christian has a salvation story. Most of them contain a moment or point in time where they were left in such a state of darkness, that they had to admit that they needed the Lord in their life. They called out to Him and He set His light in their hearts, so that they could see in the dark, follow the right path and help bring light to others fumbling in the dark like they once were.

I think right now, our country is like that person who walked so far away from the source of light that they are fumbling around in the dark. It seems as if those who were given light to carry with them aren't using it as they should. They are hiding it or thinking they are saving it for another time or person to share with. I think when this happens, their choice in paths also become a little foggy and the decision isn't quite clear. They need to remember to shine their light. Don't just guess on your own and choose the path that is the lesser of two evils. Shine your light so you can see clearly!

All of this can be applied to what our country is going through now with the elections for president. Due to our humanness we will never have a perfect candidate. Remember,  all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. All is all no matter what party you're from. Still, the fact that we understand humanity is broken and has fallen short doesn’t  take away our responsibility. However, voting for evil isn't an option, even if it’s our only option. Every one sins and a sin is a sin but that doesn't mean you would hire someone who is a known thief and a liar.  It sounds pretty harsh to call candidates evil. Just typing it out gives me a feeling of uneasiness. Although, what would the Bible say when it comes to choosing leaders?  "Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them.
For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.
For your obedience has become known to all. Therefore I am glad on your behalf; but I want you to be wise in what is good, and simple concerning evil."(Romans 16:17-18)

But be careful, once you know the truth and what is right, there is a warning, "who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin." James 4:17

As Christians we can't just choose the least of two bad choices. But to abstain from a choice, I think would be  irresponsible and shows apathy. By concluding both are wrong you wouldn't be implicated in either. As I struggle with what the wise or right choice is. I wonder, could a third choice be written in, in order to voice your opinion and take a stand? Or would that be like not choosing at all and throwing your vote away? Is making an unwise or wrong decision just to get your point across or say you took a stand acceptable?
See, in Romans it says, "But if our unrighteousness demonstrates the righteousness of God, what shall we say? Is God unjust who inflicts wrath? (I speak as a man.)
Certainly not! For then how will God judge the world?
For if the truth of God has increased through my lie to His glory, why am I also still judged as a sinner?
And why not say, “Let us do evil that good may come”?—as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just.
What then? Are we better than they? Not at all. For we have previously charged both Jews and Greeks that they are all under sin.
As it is written:
“There is none righteous, no, not one; ""(Romans 3:5-10)
In short, it's never right to do wrong to do right.

There may come a time, in fact I'm sure there will come a time, very soon that our actions that are right in the sight of the Lord will be questioned and we will need to be ready to answer. Not in a way that shows contempt but in a way that is thought out and presents the facts to those lost in the dark. We're headed in a time of judgement and some will be looking to Christians for answers.

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; ...
For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.
1 Peter 3:15,17

The days ahead are going to get rough and rocky due to the poor choices our country has made by those lost in the dark and those refusing to share the light. But it won't be the end and as long as you are faithful, God will make the way plain for you.

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. "1 Corinthians 10:13

Are you as a Christian ready for what's coming? My hope and future doesn't lie in the future president or our current president. It lies in Jesus Christ, I pray yours does too.

Victor or Victim? A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare

Victor or Victim? 

A Battle Guide to Spiritual Warfare 

To be a victor you must win a contest, challenge, battle, or war, in doing so you defeat or conquer an opponent. In fact victor derives from the Latin word, vincere meaning conquer. The opposite of victor is, victim. A victim is someone who is harmed, injured or killed as a result of some action or event. A victim may also be someone who was tricked, duped, or fooled into believing opposite of the truth. In the late 15 century the word victim signified a creature killed as a religious sacrifice, derived from the Latin word victima. 

In our world it isn't very popular to go into combat and battle those who seek to do us harm, to protect ourselves from potential enemies, to be looked upon as conquers. It is however, very much okay to play the victim. Being a victim you're not held accountable for your actions, "because you didn't know." You can gain benefits for being a victim who has been harmed, or afflicted by some new disorder, indisposition, misfortune, or hardship. Does that seem upside down to you?

Whether you understand it or not, there is a spiritual realm around us that is very much affected by the convictions and attitudes we carry in our hearts about such things. In that spiritual realm, there is a battle raging. Just as our attitudes and convictions have an affect in the spiritual, the battle there has an affect in the physical. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."

In the end, we know that Christ has already won the war, but as the battle rages on, we can have every day victories. Whether our battle is with drugs, alcohol, some sort of disorder, mental, or physical, or battles often disguised as anger, depression, anxiety and self harm, if we understand the battle and where it is coming from, we can obtain blessing and victory. We can't  just throw our hands up and decide to do nothing, wait and see what you end up getting in heaven. The battle is here, right now. Just as God's Kingdom is here right now, where ever you ask Him to reign and rule. Where He reigns, so does His power. You don't want to wait until heaven for what you can have now! 

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:3-4) Remember on this earth we may walk in the physical, what we can see, but the war is waged in the spirit that we can't always see. The strongholds, the things that keep tripping us up, that are fought in the mind, can only be defeated in the spirit, by The Holy Spirit. You have to allow Him into those places. You know, those places few know about; places you yourself don't want to admit are there. Where The Holy Spirit and His power reigns, so does His light and love. No darkness or stronghold can stay.  Will you let Him in? In the darkness the devil is on the prowl. You can stay in the dark, unwilling to fight and hope you receive that victory in heaven. You can sit there hiding out, not hurting any one, just biding your time, thinking it'll go away, until the devil devours you while your waiting. The devil can see in the dark, he created it. The darkness is just the absence of God, The Holy Spirit. Invite The Holy Spirit into the dark and He will fight the battle with you.

8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1Peter 5:8

When your battle has been won and you've gained victory and blessing, continue to stay on guard, the war is not over until the Savior returns in full.   As we grow in our faith and take stands for Him, Satan will tremble and look for other weak areas to attack. We'll continue to be tempted, tested, and tried, but we won't have to fight alone. We'll continue to be victorious if we continue to fight. Being a victim is easy, it doesn't take work. Being a victim does hurt and it's often shameful, but once you decide to stand back up and get in the battle, you are no longer a victim, you will be a victor, a conquer!

"12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 1 Peter 4:12-13

Get over it, just face it. You're not the only one it's happened to. You're not the only one hurting and caring those scars. As long as you're breathing on this broken and battered sphere called Earth, you're going to face trials. At times it may be so difficult, it may feel as the life is being sucked out of you. BUT if you keep moving forward, keeping your eyes on the One Who has already suffered far beyond what we could imagine suffering, His glory will be revealed. In His glory, you will rejoice. Don't give into fears of the what ifs, how comes, and why nots. Stay in the battle and stand your ground. Joshua 1:9 says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

12 Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. 2 Timothy 3:12 

While you're standing ground and living your life for the Lord in every way you can think of, winning battles and claiming victory, Satan will look for new ways to attack. Sadly, he will go after loved ones in attempt to turn your eyes to the battles of others, to distract and throw you off guard. That's when you take the strength you have and apply it to your loved ones in prayer. James 5:16 says, "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much."

So much is written in the Bible about spiritual warfare and how to fight and stay strong.  In these times we're living, it is very important to stick to the battle plan He has set before us. 

As I write this I think of how many times I let the smallest battles trip me up. Usually they are the old thoughts or tapes that are completely irrelevant to anything in my life today. Yet, I let it pull me down, I don't pick up God's battle plan, His word, I fight blindly. Then I remember why He gave us His word. "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”John 16:33

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ( Ephesians 6:13 ) the whole armor means, the whole armor. Would a warrior march on to battle leaving any part unprotected? No. Then why do we often forget about pieces of our armor meant to protect us? Ephesians 6:10-18 lists what the whole armor includes: The girding of your waste with truth, the breastplate of righteousness, feet shodden with the preparation of the gospel of peace, shield of faith, helmet of salvation, and sword of The Spirit. 

The first piece of armor, I'm assuming is some sort of girdle like a belt or cord. But considering it is listed first it must be pretty important. This belt is not an ordinary belt but, a belt of truth. Very important I'd say when facing the father of lies and author of confusion. When we listen to his little whispers in our ear with out the belt of truth, how easily do we stumble? (sorry but my geeky side can't help but think of wonder woman's lasso here. OK now back on topic) We can't start stumbling around before the fight begins. We might believe the biggest lie, " it's impossible it can't be won." Fear and doubt. Fasten that belt of truth on tight! It will protect us as well as our testimony to others.

Second, the breastplate protecting those vital organs. The righteousness of Jesus Christ guards our hearts and keeps us free from the unrighteousness of sin Satan accuses us of. Unrighteousness, that would otherwise be the cause of our spiritual death and separation from our Heavenly Father.

Third, our feet are to be prepared for spiritual conflict. As we move throughout the world we will enter into Satan' territory. Just like any enemy territory filled with land mines and other types of IEDs or traps. 

Advancing into Satan's territory, we need to be aware that there will be traps. Those traps can be avoided by holding firm to and spreading the Gospel of Christ so that others might be saved. 

Fourth, when we're deep in the battle and our faith begins to shake, hold on to that shield of faith. Let it shine and reflect God's truth and love at the enemy, blinding them to the lies and doubt that make God's word  seem void. Let it reveal the truth in Christ who is the "author and perfecter." 

The fifth important part of our armor protects another vital part of our body. The helmet of salvation. Think of everything that goes on in our head. Our biggest battles are often fought in our mind, before it is fought anywhere else. Our mind is capable of storing so much important and some not so important information. The most important information it stores is the knowledge of salvation and the fact that you have eternal life through Jesus Christ. It stores the knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus so that no other false doctrine can invade your heart and mind. It enables you to share the hope and truth of the gospel of salvation with others. With out this helmet, the truth can not be seen or understood.

The final piece of armor, the only offensive piece, is the sword of The Spirit. It's the one weapon Jesus used to defeat Satan while being tempted in the desert. Just speaking the Word of God, will defeat Satan every time. 

As the description of our battle armor concludes in Ephesians 6:18 we are told to pray always honestly and humbly in the spirit, being watchful to the end preserving praying with and for others. I think prayer is what helps keep our armor functioning properly. That constant connection with God keeps everything else running smoothly. 

These pieces of armor are entrusted to every believer so that we may continue through the battles and gain victory. They are to protect and strengthen us by building our faith, trust, and confidence in the "author and finisher of our faith", as said in Hebrews 12:2.

 It's already been written. In the end Satan will loose when the final battle has been won. We will be conquers in Christ. Romans 8:37 says, "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."

10 Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. Revelation 12:10

My future hope lies in the day that salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser. That's when the final battle will be over, the war won, and peace will reign for all eternity! Where's yours?

Remember Whose Child You Are

Remember Whose Child You Are

I don't know when the idea came to me but I do remember the thoughts, feelings, and circumstances that lead to it. I was in my previous marriage  at the time and my husband was heavy into drugs and alcohol often raging about something, real or made up.  I was doing my best in the circumstances I lived in to raise my children for the Lord. I knew I had made mistakes and would make more in my endeavor to try an shield my kids from the ugliness of some of the things in their world. 

At a young age I tried to get them to understand that there will be times I fail them or wouldn't always be there for them. There might even be times they were afraid and I wouldn't be able to be there to protect them. But there was a God, a Father in heaven who would always be there and who loved them more than I ever could. He went wherever they went and was aware of everything they did. I told them that before they were my children, they were the Lord's. And that's where the phrase came from, "remember who's child you are." 

As my children grew older, I knew they would not always be around me. They would gain more independence,  have friends of their own to go off with, and I wasn't going to be there to influence or correct their actions. So each time they left the house out into the world with out me, besides saying, I love you, I would tell them, "remember whose child you are." It was later followed up with a reminder, "You're a child of a King and you should act accordingly." I wanted them to always be aware of their actions and know that I'm not the only one who holds them accountable. I could only hold them accountable for what I knew about, but God sees all and they would one day answer to Him for their actions good or bad.

Therapists and doctors today will tell a person that the poor choices they make are due to the mistakes their parents made while raising them. It takes the blame off the one making poor choices, gives them an excuse, and frees them from accountability. There comes a point in everyone's life, or at least it should, when you know right from wrong. If you know right from wrong, you're  able to decide for yourself which you'll choose. 

 Like I mentioned in my first blog post, in my late teens I faced some major depression and anxiety; accompanied by alcohol and  other means of self destruction. Of course I had an excuse for it. I was living in a home that was often out of control, that, and I was a teenager. Was I aware of God in my life? Yes. Did I lean on Him in times of trouble and when I had feelings of desperation? Not as I should have. Did I drink and sleep with guys in order to drown out the pain and confusion, to find self worth and experience love and acceptance? Yes. Could I have brought all of my hurt, shame, and anger to the Lord? Would He have comforted me? Did He send people in my life to influence and guide me? Yes, yes, yes to it all!!! It's all a spiritual battle we can chose to fight or give in to, yet rarely do people see it that way. I didn't act that way and give into the depression, anxiety, and all that other stuff because of the way I was raised or the things I experienced in life. It was because I failed to recognize the spiritual battle and listened to the lies of the devil. Having this knowledge hasn't left me anxiety free and with out any bouts of depression, I am still human living in a broken world. However, when I take it to the Lord, who's very name covers and protects me, I gain freedom from it!

God is, Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there. He is Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides.  Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and He is El Elyon, The Most High God. If He is my Heavenly Father then I am the daughter of a King!  In my poor choice to turn from Him, the most high God, who is always there, provides a way out, and offers peace, I looked to the world, and what it had to offer instead. My choices damaged family relationships and further damaged my self esteem. It wasn't my upbringing, it was how I chose to deal with my upbringing.

 My teenage and early adult years, a time of life I don't talk too much about, I'm not at all proud of it, as it shows me in an ugly light. However, God always saw me as beautiful. A beautiful mess perhaps, but beautiful. The way I dealt with my life just brought me more guilt and shame. I had aunts boldly, sometimes harshly, pointing out my sin, it made me pile on even more guilt. I held on to it instead of giving it to the one who had already redeemed it.  Instead of facing it, I let it eat at me. Sometimes I would try to turn to the Lord in my own power, but I never made the full commitment to give over everything, all of my ugliness.

 It wasn't until then, when I completely gave it all to Him did I begin to find peace. When you live in fear of being found out that you're a big fake, you're not the perfect person you're trying to be...When you live in fear that nobody will love you the way you are, or that you'll never fit in, or have  fear of anything, you won't have peace. The opposite of peace is fear. When we hold on to fear we can't have peace. Through Jehovah Shalom we can live in peace, or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. Through that peace we can live as the child of The most High King, just as we're called to be.

I have had an idea for quite a while about blogging on the idea of being the daughter or a child of the King, but I wasn't sure from what perspective to take it from. It wasn't until after listening to a speaker at Saturday's Morning Tea for the ladies at church, sharing a piece of my testimony with another woman there, and dealing with some family issues that echoed the very loudly the need for everyone to keep in mind that they are a child of The Most High and we should act accordingly.

As much as I had always told my children through out their lives to remember who's child they were, I hadn't turned it around to myself. I didn't really start doing that until almost three years ago when someone handed me a book they thought I should read called, His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. The point in wanting my children to remember who's child they were wasn't just because I wanted them to take responsibility for their actions but to know they were special and loved, not just by me, but a king! This book is written as a collection of letters from The King to us his Princess. Apparently it was something I needed to read.

We are children of the Most High King and we should act accordingly. What does that look like? It's funny that the speaker Saturday discussed the very idea of being a child of God. She used an illustration that pricked my heart a bit, because I couldn't relate to it. She described what it was like to be a little girl holding on to her daddy's strong hand, and while her hand was in his she felt safe and strong and that she could do anything. She related that feeling to what it is like to return and trust in the Lord. I have absolutely no idea what that is like. I never had a touch from my earthly father that felt safe. Although I longed for that very feeling, to put my hand in a big, strong, encouraging hand, that steadies my steps. Not having that left a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with so many worldly and self destructive things, everything but God. The one who had been holding out His hand all along. All I had to do is reach out and take it. When I finally did, He lifted me up, set me straight, and as long as I hold on He keeps me steady. 

18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,

Says the LordAlmighty.”( 2 Corinthians 6:18)

Being a child of The King means to walk in faith. With faith, you can't have doubt. There's no doubt which way to go in life if you trust Him enough to follow Him. Isaiah 48:17 reminds us to listen He will tell us which way to go. "Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,The Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go." And, "For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26) Life is going to be hard, in our humanness we will make mistakes but those mistakes are what we do, not who we are. He will keep us from being caught or unable to escape. Keep moving in the direction He calls you.

Your crown may be a little beat up, tarnished, and it may be missing a few jewels, but your title of Prince or Princess of The Most High can never be taken away. Walk in the position you hold, with your mangled crown on your head, looking forward to Him, and keep going! My hope and future are in Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there; Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides; Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and in El Elyon, The Most High God, My Heavenly Father. 

Remember Whose Child You Are.

**

Jehovah Shalom- the Lord is Peace Judges 6:24

Jehovah Shammah-The Lord is there Ezekiel 48:35

Jehovah Jireh- The Lord Will Provide Genesis 22:14

Elyon- The Most High God 

Genesis 14:18

Spring Forth

10 Life's been a bit of a struggle lately. It's amazing how finances can put such a strain on a person and on relationships. My husband works so hard for us both. He works at two jobs, neither are his calling or what he wants to be doing. He's an ordained minister and he works in a restaurant and is a trainer in a factory.  Be that as it may, it puts money in the bank. One job is slightly more demanding, physically, while the other requires a little more mental stamina. Both keep him on his feet the whole time.

While at one time I have worked at three jobs, mentally and physically they completely wore me out! Currently I'm just working at my one job. Being a special education teaching assistant in a primary life skills classroom is something I've done for many years, I love it! Yet, recently I feel, all of the years have taken a toll on me mentally and physically. The average turnover rate for such a position is about 5 years. I've lasted 15, not all in the same school, though. Taking a huge pay cut almost two years ago when I changed school districts, makes the job a little harder to enjoy. On top of that, if there is a snow day, two hour delay, or some sort of break, I don't get paid. With student loans, car payments and other unforeseen debt we have acquired, along with daily living expenses my job isn't helping much.  Which puts further mental strain on my husband and I both.

 I've come to the realization that to keep with the current theme of my life, it's time for a new change. A career change. Who knew getting your foot in the door to some place new in a new town would be so difficult? Adding more stress and strain to a relationship. Now, we know neither God nor Satan caused this situation we find ourselves in to happen. It's just part of life in this broken world we live in. That doesn't mean that Satan won't get in there and start whispering lies. Trying to get me to believe that " I'm not good enough or worthy enough to find a better job." Or telling my husband that "I'm lazy and I'll never get a job and he'll have to be doing all the work to provide for us. All the bills and all the pressures will always be on him." It is Satan's goal to destroy families to destroy relationships. If he can get you to believe lies that your spouse is not going to contribute, work together in supporting each other, and care about you, It can really drive a wedged between two people. When this happens, people will either lash out at each other or withdraw for fear of hurting the other. Neither action is good for a relationship. It's important not to let Satan have that foothold. 

My marriage may not be perfect, but in my eyes I think it's pretty darn close. Here's a glimpse into my day today and how my Amazing Man shows his love and how he cares for me: My morning had already started off pretty bad. I had nothing to wear all my clothes (not that I have a lot, compared to most) are either dirty or I've gained too much weight to wear them. I was too tired at three in the morning to take my dog out when she was whining about it. Like a horrible mom to my little Roxy I made her wait until after I took a shower. I forgot about her wanting out at 3 until she was whining at the bathroom door. The poor dog, she didn't make it, and peed right outside the bathroom door. After dragging out the carpet cleaner, wearing my uncomfortable clothes and cleaning up the dog mess, I proceed to the kitchen where there's NO COFFEE, nothing to make breakfast, and nothing to make for lunch. We hadn't gone to the store in a while. This day just isn't looking great at all! 

I go to my room where my husband is still laying. I lay beside him and began to complain about my rough morning. He quietly listens while I lay beside him ranting, and then he gently remind sme it's time to get moving, we have to go to work. We get into the car and make our way towards my work he makes a little detour and I'm sitting there in all my grouchiness, wondering what he's doing. I'm going to be late. My Amazing man pulls into The closest Circle K, goes right in and buys me some coffee, breakfast, and something for lunch. Who's heart isn't going to melt at that?  He presented to me and said, you gotta have your coffee to face today and something to eat.  

We arrive at the school as the busses are lining up. I kiss my man good bye, feeling blessed as he leaves. I take two steps and drop my coffee on the ground. Like a water balloon, the cup bursts open and coffee is splashed across the sidewalk. I stood there just like a child looking back to see my husband driving away and I began stomping my foot and letting out a loud groan of frustration.  A near by bus driver sees me and says, "you didn't want that coffee anyway." I'm pretty sure I gave her the evil eye. Isn't that how life is? It's the accumulation of the little things that trip you up and cause you to do, say, and think things that aren't always of good character. So I ended up texting my husband to complain more, " I DROPPED IT ". Ya  know what? He made a special trip and brought me more. 

Now you know my Amazing Man works two jobs. However, today he got up a little bit earlier because we're down to one car for now, and he wanted to have time to go do laundry before he went to his first job. After finishing laundry and going to his first job at a restaurant he did the grocery shopping! At the end of my day, 

My day continued to go on just as it started, little irritations and minor conflicts kept parading themselves throughout my day. All the while my mind battled between focusing on our current financial situation and trying to give it up to the Lord and Ficus on Him, and to do my job as if I were doing it for Him. At least I have a job. It seemed like the day was a constant spiritual battle. 

Tim picked me up at work and I didn't really want to continue to complain more about my day, but man! So as we make our way to his second job he listened to me vent. Before I left him at his job, he suggested that I don't go straight home, I should stop at the park and hang out by the river and have some time with the Lord. He also suggested I should have the women at my Bible study pray over me tonight. I didn't want to do either, but what would it hurt? 

As I absorb the warm sun reflecting off the water, I close my eyes, exhale and just give it all to the Lord. It was there I noticed all the signs of spring, a new season was finally here. It was there I was led to the following verses:

Mercy and truth have met together;
Righteousness and peace have kissed.
11 Truth shall spring out of the earth,
And righteousness shall look down from heaven.
12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good;
And our land will yield its increase.

Psalm 85:10-12

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall springforth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

Isaiah 61:11 

God is doing a work, my current situation is just a season in life. He is making a way and soon our situation will change like winter changes to spring. Peace washed over me as He whispered these truths to my heart. He is about to do great things. I stayed a while to enjoy the view and take a couple pictures.

At Bible study I gained the courage to ask for prayer. I've never done that before, especially from a group of people. I haven't really ever had friends who would just pray for or with me, here I had a group of women who lent a hand and prayed powerful prayers over me. I don't know if they felt it or not. But I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I never have before. I can't really even put into words what I felt. It was physical, emotional, and I suppose spiritual feeling all at the same time. I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could. I replayed the the prayers of the women in my head as well as the time at the park on the drive home. 

God is making things new again. They will spring forth and all will be for His glory and righteousness. Like struggling through winter and knowing with out a doubt spring and all its beauty is sure to come, so is my life right now. 

Thank you Lord for planting the seeds of hope in my heart today, help me not to forget to take the time to watch  and see what springs forth.

My hope and future will always rest in the promises of the Lord and the knowledge that situations in life are just like seasons, I will take time to look for the righteous in each one. 

Where is your hope and future today?

Who Do You Think You Are

You know we all ask a time or two in life, “Who am I? Where am I going? Who will go with me?” We want 

what we do in this life to matter, to make a difference. At least I do. It's been on my mind a lot lately! I want to be content with where I'm positioned in life, and for the most part I am. Yet, I'm curious, anxious even, to see what’s next. I know there's more to come!

While I struggle with my first world problems like finding another better paying job, worry about paying off the other car my husband and I own, paying back student loans and other bills, dreaming of a house instead of an apartment, and one day having a savings account, I don't discount the fact that there are many in the world, who from a money standpoint, would consider me rich. Rich, even though we barely make it pay check to pay check and don't have a lot of "things" (especially compared to US standards). For that, I do need to keep in mind I am already blessed before I desire more. 

However, no matter what our income is, there will always be bills to pay, unexpected life events to come up, and issues to strain our finances. Increasing our income may seem like it would fix all our "problems", if that's what you want to call them, it's not exactly what will make life matter. It will make a difference in my life, but it won't necessarily cause my life to make a difference. That's what I want. 

When looking for that one job, attending church, meeting new people, participating in groups or functions (after I'm over the social anxiety) I want to know that My life mattered or made a difference at that point in time. Not to sound all big headed like it's all about me and what I can or cannot do for people. It's the difference I want to make for The Kingdom of God. If I made all the money in the world and had all my bills paid consistently, owned fancy cars (not just the $500 car and the one I'm over miles in leasing), took lavish vacations, had the nice house, none of it would matter if it didn't impact The Kingdom. I know I can do that any where I am. In fact God's word says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,"(Colossians 3:23) I want so much to serve Him, as He has blessed me greatly, even when I can't see it. However, I'm learning serving Him isn't always about doing and constantly moving forward.

As I struggle with my first world issues, I currently struggle with just abiding in Him as well. I've experienced a lot of blessings, witnesses a lot of amazing things happen by the grace of God, in the past 3 years, and now it's all kinda' slowed down. Whether in the valley or on a plateau, I'm not always sure. I do know, the mountain top experience has changed. There are more mountains to climb and I'm just not there yet. It's exciting to be doing the work of climbing the mountain, and measuring your progress, as the summit seems to get closer and closer. And the view! Oh when you can look down over the hills, valleys, and plateaus and see where your blessings are and where they came from, it's an awesome sight. But in the valleys, and along the plateaus, it's more difficult to see. I think that's where I am right now. I know God has blessed me greatly and has shown me wonderful things, but in all of my humanness, I feel like He's taken me so far and just dropped me off, left me, wondering, "what next?" I want to keep going, climb more mountains, experience more of that God stuff. 

Now, I'm learning, there are times we just need to abide. Do you know what that means!? Abide: comply with, observe, keep hold to, stick to, stand by, acknowledge, and respect. It comes from an Old English word, bide/bīd a verb meaning to "remain or stay somewhere." I think that is the only action word (verb) that isn't an action. 

So when Jesus says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me” in John 15:4. We are to acknowledge and respect Him, while we remain or stay where He put us. Ugh, stay put. It's hard to stay put when you see others moving around and doing things. Things that look more exciting, profitable, or important than what you're doing. However, as we're abiding we're growing or bearing fruit. Biblically speaking, to bear fruit means to grow in character and become more Christ-like so that we can display the fruit of the spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

So, I guess as I'm supposed to be abiding, absorbing, and ruminating upon all that has been given to me, in order to bless me and help me grow. Now, it's time to grow and bear some fruit so that I can see who I am in Christ and reflect His goodness. By reflecting the goodness of the Lord, I will matter and make a difference. 

That's it?! It seems too simple. I want to be doing the work, seeing the God stuff. (Inserting conversation with God) "Sometimes the God stuff is just staying put and observing what He is doing in your life. When your current yield of fruit is mature enough, He'll release you to climb more mountains." I scowl at that because I'm impatient. God's word comes back with a warning and says, "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned."(John 15:6) I don't want areas of my life cut off because I was too impatient and wanted to move forward before He was ready for me to do so. Thankfully, that verse is followed by verse 7,"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." Before you get all excited, don't misconstrue the words, "ask what you desire," He won't do anything out of His will for you. It's more like the verse, Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the "desires of your heart." He'll put the right desires in your heart, when you ask for them, you'll receive them. Good thing too, could you imagine getting everything you've ever desired? Man there are some things I thought I wanted at certain times of my life I'm so glad now, I didn't get. 

So I'm anxious to know how God is going to continue to provide for us, what job He is leading me to, what future ministries He has planned for my husband and I, what and our future home will be, and just what direction does he want us heading. Until God is ready to reveal it all, I have to work on bearing fruit, most likely at this time forbearance and self-control. Not exactly the answer this human wants, but I asked and he answered. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."(James 1:5)  Considering, I strongly believe in Jeremiah 29:11, He has a purpose and a plan, to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future (Dee Dee paraphrasing)

So, who am I in the Lord? Where am I going? Am I following Him? Who's going with me? Who am I inviting? I'm an imperfect, messy Christ Follower, wife, mother, g'ma, and blogger on the greatest adventure ever, LIFE! Come with me, follow Him and see your Hope and Future!

The Heat is On

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

God has really been using the messages given by the pastor at my church, the current group Bible study I'm in, and of course my Amazing Man to speak incredible truth into my life. There aren't any new truths, as God said there is nothing new under the sun, but new layers of truth are revealed in order to see more clearly what God is pointing to. And I'm just now getting it. For a few weeks those old enemies, anxiety and depression have really been attacking me. 

However, after deciding not to give in and just continue to press into those places God is leading, whether I feel so anxious I'm going to die, or at the very least, pass out or not..I think I'm starting to hear and understand a little better when God is trying to get ahold of me. (By the way, I haven't died or passed out yet.) So I just take a week or so and write a blog and make the devil pay a toll by giving the glory back to God!

While I may have been saved at the young age of 11 years old, like you read in my first blog post, and believe I have had a relationship with the Lord all these 33 years, it's only been in the past year or so that I realized, I may have grown in the Lord, and have depended on Him for my existence, but that is all the relationship was. Depending on Him to exist and survive. Like a baby depends on their parents. They don't understand true love yet.  Babies just understand they have a need, they look to their parents to fulfill that need, and when it is fulfilled, they are content. They are growing and feel fulfilled but it takes time to mature.

 I think for so long I have stayed in that child stage. Not really mature or as mature as I should or could be. I just knew, as I said in my first blog post, "I had a need not to be alone, feel rejected, or abandoned. I had a need for a loving father who loved me for me, because he created me. Not for what I can do for Him. I may not have fully understood the meaning of salvation until I was much older." Yet, today, I'm still learning; there is more to learn about the precious gift of salvation, and the relationship God wants to have with us.

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Tim 1:6 NKJV)

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

Wow! 2 Timothy 1:6, The verse just before one of my most important life verses. How could I have missed it for so long? Ya know, the Greek word for gift is charisma, which is a gift of grace, an undeserved gift from God, referring to not only salvation but gifts of the spirit. 

God lit the fire in your heart!  In my heart! It happened when we came to Him and received salvation!  The fire was lit and gifts of the spirit were distributed as He felt necessary. It is up to us to keep the fire going and to work and flow in the gifts of the spirit as He sees fit. Not just when it is convenient for us. ( Those last few lines didn't necessarily come from me, because to me, it's a bit anxiety provoking)  So when I feel my light isn't burning like it once was, I suppose there are some things I should be doing to stoke up the flame. 

Since coming to the realization, that I needed and wanted that relationship with the Lord, and receiving the gift of salvation, I've had many times of growth and rededication. I've also had many times in my life where I have strayed, allowed certain things, people, and relationships to influence and even alter the direction my life was headed, not always in a good direction. I've had to turn around many times, often feeling like I was at square one. Isn't it wonderful we serve a God of second, third, even 70 times 7 chances? 

The wounds of the past, due to my poor choices, and some times the choices made for me, may be healed, but not with out scars left behind. The amazing thing about scars is that they were once wounds that were a bloody mess, but through the cleansing and healing of the Holy Spirit, they no longer fester and ooze. Scars remind us where we've come from, and what we've been saved, cleansed, and healed of. Even as Thomas in John 20:27 understands, Jesus is recognized by His scars. It wasn't His sin but ours that caused the scars. He shares in them  to be used as a reminder to give testimony of God's unfailing love. 

Being in this new marriage I'm in, and sharing this new life, I have been given a new glimpse of God's love, and what a Godly relationship should be like. Most importantly what His love looks like. Things are so much better these days. As I look back through my past and all the events that took place to get me here, it reminds me of the way precious metals are refined. To remove all the impurities, to make it stronger and more valuable, it must go through the fire! And I've been through some pretty hot flames, often raging infernos.  With out it all, I don't think I would appreciate the life I have now. 

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with hardly any material possessions in comparison to many in our country and even some around us, we don't go on extravagant vacations, or own fancy cars, or anything like that. All of our furniture is second hand and mostly free, we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment that costs way too much, we barely make it pay check to pay check, no matter how hard we ( I should say my husband. He works harder than I) work. Yet, we appreciate all that we have more than we did when we had the "stuff"  before we lost it ALL (my husband had much more to loose than I). Life isn't about the stuff, it's about where your heart is for the Lord. About the relationship  you keep with Him, and moving forward.  Psalm 24:3-5 says, "Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?
4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god."

It is my desire to receive and keep clean hands and a pure heart, after emerging from the refining flames, in order to stay aware of and or recognize the presence of the Lord. It's in the presence of the Lord we find our hope and future. 

While I've been fighting back the darkness, like a mist around the edges of my mind, and the anxiety that wants to creep into my thoughts these past couple of weeks, I've used this post I'm writing here, and my current Bible study to help stay focused on Him. In doing so, a thought has been trying to settle in my heart since last night's Bible study... 

Ya ever feel like one of those people who never seem to catch a break, while you watch others around you who seem to get everything handed to them? Maybe not everything, but things just come to them naturally, and they probably don't even pray about it. You pray about it, you work hard, and you do your best in all your humanness to live "a good Christian life", and you still seem to miss out. It's frustrating to pray for something for so long and seeming to never get it, or feel your prayer wasn't heard, or think it's been delayed by some action or inaction you took or didn't take?! The thought I struggle with, yet know I MUST BELIEVE IT, or loose my mind over current situations, is this: "It doesn't come naturally because there is no glory in that. My prayers are heard and answered, either now or in the future. It's in a supernatural way so that there would be no denying that the answer or solution came from God the Father who loves me more than anyone else could, which further reveals  His glory." I've seen that supernatural answer after praying for the same thing for almost 20 years! So, I know God hears and answers in His time for a reason, grater than our limited minds can understand.

However, tonight in all my messiness and inability to see the whole picture, my hope and future seem a little distorted and veiled. I am thankful, I know He is on the other side of the veil and when the time is right, He will lift it and show me more of what I need to see in order to increase my faith and keep me moving forward. Until then, I won't give up my hope in knowing He holds my future, and I know it's better than anything I could ever dream. In the mean time I could use some of that supernatural intervention in my life.