Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky..That's where I'm gonna go when I die...

Goin' up to the Spirit in the sky..That's where I'm gonna go when I die...(Greenbaum 1969)

Why wait, in fact if you wait, are you sure that's where you're going to go? Why wait to go to Him, when He's willing and waiting to come to you? Jesus' earthly body may have left earth some 2000 years ago, but He didn't leave us alone. We can still hear from the Lord and experience his presence. 

As many know from my testimony in my first blog post, I had been saved, born again, accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord of my live, when I was 11 years old. However, not with out a lot of major pit falls, spiritual battles, and rededications. In all of that time did I ever hear the Lord speak? Well, yes... The funny thing about it though, I don't think at the time I always knew it was Him, and I've never heard Him speak in an audible voice. Although I've heard that some people have, could you imagine?!  I've technically been saved for 32 years, I'm still learning about how it all works. Like those layers of onions I mentioned Shrek speaking about, in my last blog post. 

What does it mean, to hear from God? How can earthly humans hear from a supernatural heavenly being? Does God still work that way? 

"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don't know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words."(Romans 8:26 NLT)

The Holy Spirit knows what to pray even when we don't, so He obviously must be with us watching.

"And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;.” (John 14:16 KJV) 

In the Greek text, the word Comforter is Paracletos; meaning, One who comes along side. That one, that comforter, the one who comes along side, is the Holy Spirit! Often in church we ( especially those of us who grew up in churches who leaned more on the liturgical or fundamental side[nothing wrong with that though] ) hear about the Father, we know as God, the Son, we know as Jesus. However, the Spirit, although it is mentioned, it isn't really given any identity. We learn Jesus is in our hearts. And you just go on blind faith that many Christians muster up because the preacher says, the Bible said so. 

If that's all there is to experiencing the Spirit, then we're missing out! I've been missing out! But as long as I'm living God keeps revealing things to me. Not new things, the same things that have always been there, but are revealed in greater light! A light that allows us to see more of the Spirit and to allow the Spirit to see more of us. One of the common reoccurring themes in my life lately seem to be, "Shining light in the dark corners" just like the apostles who were given lights to shine in others lives, and gifts of the spirit to pass on, and we are to do the same. "As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give." (Matthew 10:7-8) We've received the Spirit and all that comes with receiving the Spirit. We are to give people the understanding, desire, and ability to do the same. (I am still getting ahold of this myself, it's new, exciting, and very different... But I'll go where He leads,)

None of this can be accomplished with out the Father God, the Son, Jesus, and the Spirit, comforter, one who walks beside us and who is in us if we allow Him to enter. 

Consider the following:

"The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit."

( 1 Corinthians 2:14)

Those who don't believe or understand the Bible, God's love letter to mankind and instructions for life never will with out the Spirit. All the Christians wanting to get so upset at the world and how they have turned against God and His Word, may want to consider the Spirit may have never resided in them, or they have turned from Him and are blinded. So how could they see the very truth that is in their face daily? It's up to those who accept the things that come from the Spirit to pray for those who don't and to walk our testimony out, to set an example. To be the light in our world that seems to grow darker.

Back to the shining light; our lights we carry in this world won't shine very bright if we aren't letting God's light, His spirit shine through us first. We must allow His light to touch every aspect of our lives, our heart, even the dark, scary, dirty, hidden places we don't think He'd ever see, want to see, or we're too ashamed to look at and let Him see. Yes, He already knows it's there, but if His light could just touch it, the darkness in us will leave! And as long as we allow Him access to all the dark corners of our life, the darkness, heaviness, anxiety, shame and fear we carry will vanish!! 

Job 12:22 says,"s the mighty.

22 He reveals the deep things of darkness  and brings utter darkness into the light."

And John 1:5, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." Darkness can't exist in the light of the spirit!

Not that it's an easy task. If Satan can't have our souls, he'll do his best to influence and trick us into hiding that light and bring back all the things that were once hidden in the dark. We're in a spiritual battle. That is why it is important to remain close to the Holy Spirit. We're reminded of this in 

Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

As for the previous questions, What does it mean, to hear from God? How can earthly humans hear from a supernatural heavenly being? Does God still work that way? The Spirit we asked to come in and rule over our lives speaks to our spirit. It goes between us and the Father.  John 14:26 tells us how the spirit will bring things to our mind. "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you."(KJV) But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.(NIV)

Our thoughts are not always our own. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heaven is higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

( Isaiah 55:8-9)

That small still voice that tells us to go here or there, say or do this or that, isn't always our own. Keeping the spiritual battle in mind, we need to tune our ear to the things of God in order to prevent ourselves from just hearing what we want to hear or what is easy and sounds good at the time. His ways are higher than ours. The Spirit is very much alive, we can hear him and when we ask, we can feel his presence.

Another reoccurring theme in my life lately is,  "Can't control the river but you can flow with it. Flow with the river (spirit) burn with Jesus."  I may not be perfect and don't have the practice completely right, but I know who I serve and He teaches me daily when I'm willing to learn. Like that river that just keeps flowing, some times I am willing to jump right in, other times I swim for shore watch, and wait a while. Sometimes with one foot on the shore and others thinking I can control the flow. But we serve a patient God. His spirit will never throw us in the deep rushing waters with out keeping us safe. It's up to me to step out and go with the flow.

 I'm thankful He came to me instead of me waiting to die and hope to meet the spirit in the sky! When that day comes, it won't be the Spirit in the sky that believers will meet, it will be Jesus in the flesh! Now there's a thought.

Who are you listening to and allowing to influence your walk on this earth?

Walking in the Light of His Presence

15 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,
    who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.
16 They rejoice in your name all day long;
    they celebrate your righteousness.

Psalm 89:15-16

8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
    With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:8

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

2 Peter 1:2

The word acclaim in Psalm 89 means to praise enthusiastically and publicly. To rejoice is to feel or show great delight. As Christians, do we do that very often? I have to admit I haven't always been all that enthusiastic or full of joy while speaking on the things of the Lord. 

Oh, I'm thankful and give Him the praise and glory for my multiple blessings. I even tell others about the wonderful things the Lord has done in my life. But, am I lacking passion or fire while giving testimony of His love and faithfulness towards me?  There's no doubt I am thankful for His provisions, but is it enough to be just thankful? Am I crossing that fine line to being "lukewarm"? ("So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Revelations 3:6)

While I'm doing my best at keeping my eyes on the Lord and reaching out to Him to keep from being shaken off my foundation, am I letting the distractions in life cause me to turn away and look somewhere else, allowing  me to loose my balance? 

I desire grace and peace and all the blessings Jesus wants to hand me.  They may be free, but if I am not continually seeking out knowledge of Him, and his presence, how can I receive what He has for me? Especially if I'm too distracted by all that is going on in the world.

God very much wants a relationship with us. That's why we were created. We're all created with a longing, a desire, a hole in our heart that only He can fill. Often we look to too many people and things to fill that hole to give us peace and contentment. If we would just realize, it isn't people and things that that will bring us peace and contentment, it's the presence of Lord. We need to always be seeking and inviting His presence into every aspect of our lives. 

When we live in His presence we will be able to be more aware of the things of God and less of the things of man. At the same time our attentiveness  to the needs of others and  our ability to love and encourage will grow. I believe we are to be in the world, but not necessarily par takers of ALL it has to offer. Through God's presence and peace, our out word behavior will enable us to not be shaken when problems arise and set an example to those still trying to fill that empty hole in their hearts. We never know who is watching us. People who are watching may be our children who need a godly example to follow when problems come. It may be a coworker or fellow church member suffering in their own private turmoil. There's watching us could very well be nonbelievers just waiting to see us slip up. When you live your life out in the presence of the Lord, people take notice.

When we completely follow this path set before us, to seek and invite His presence, get a glimpse of the hope and future HE has for our lives, shouldn't we get excited and rejoice when HE shows up? Even in public? 

Mixed up, Not in the Right Place

Ever feel all mixed up, not in the right place, or that something just doesn't seem to fit quite right?

For some people it's just a bad or an off day. For others, they are completely outta whack. For me, it's been an off and on feeling for most of my life. I've often felt out of place, or that I don't have it all quite together, and sometimes I feel like there must be something seriously wrong with me.

 I believe anyone, including me can have this feeling about any area, or even all areas of life at one time or another. I suppose there are many reasons a person may feel this way. It may be that you believe the lies or harsh criticism spoken over you in your life by others you looked up to,  the influence you've allowed others to have over your life, or even poor decisions you made or that were made for you. If you've already surrendered your life to Christ, you may be living in a manor that goes against what He expects of you, and not following HIS lead, or just plain ol' living in a way that doesn't reflect your true self. All of these things, and I'm sure much more, can cause a person to feel out of place, mixed up, or just not fitting in. 

The feeling of not being good enough or the thought, " if someone really knew me, they wouldn't like me much" has plagued me for quite some time. Ya  know what that really is? Fear! As my husband says, False Evidence Appearing Real. It's very hard not to give into it. Satan is a sly one and his evidence is quite impressive at times. But it is important to always remember, 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." If God didn't give us the spirit of fear, you know it came from the Devil himself, don't accept it! We have power over him and the love of God in us and a sound mind to think clearly and make wise and educated decisions. 

About a year and a half ago on our way home from out honeymoon, Tim and I stopped to attend church and someone we actually knew was there, how random! ( not really, in God's world) anyhow this person was a worship leader in another church and he too happened to be passing through. While we were there he asked to pray over us. Now I had never met him and it had been a while since Tim had seen him, so this friend didn't know too much if anything about me at s. Yet, he prayed a prayer of boldness over me. To me that was a very scary and dangerous prayer for him to pray over me. Now, I've had many people pray over me in my life time, but this was the only prayer that I actually remember all of. Others, I just remembered that this person or that prayed for me, rarely do I remember the content or  context the way this prayer keeps coming back. BOLDNESS, me bold for the cause of Christ? I'm unworthy and too mixed up to do so. At least that's the lie I believe. 

Now, I'm actually to the point where I have a desire to be bold but not much of an outlet to do so. However, I fear if I was presented with an outlet other than a blog, or some online social media I could hide behind, I'd probably panic and choke, or at the very least, drag my feet about it. There it is, living with out following HIS lead. Being afraid of of failure or not being good enough, or not really having a calling. Prayers will be hindered and complete peace withheld if I continue to resist His will out of fear. 

14 Consider the flowing verse, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

God created us the way we are for a reason. We aren't called to fit in or be like other people, because He didn't make us like other people.  I believe the word fearfully in this verse is used the same way as when the Bible speaks of the fear of the Lord, meaning to have reverence or respect for God. In that case we should appreciate  the life given to us. He doesn't just create us for no reason and leave us here. He knows our life circumstances and our needs. Matthew 6:25-34 reminds us that He is aware of our physical needs, He does care about us, and will provide us with what we need.  So we do need to be thankful instead of afraid of life. In the same verse, the word ‘wonderfully’ may be defined as unique. We're made unique, special and with a purpose and a plan. Ephesians 2:10 says,"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." We're all different and have different gifts as stated in 1 Corinthians 12. The desires and the way you please God will be unique to you. We don't have to worry about fitting in or doing something like everyone else. We or more to the point, I don't have to worry about what others think to, I only need to live the way God intended  me to. That means following  His Word and trusting Him to lead.

So there is nothing to fear, no place to try to fit in and nothing wrong with me. God knows my physical and emotional needs. He has put me where He wants me, All I have to do is follow His lead. 

So when I'm called out of my box and to stretch a little more I need to keep this in mind. My hope and future rests in HIM not fear, where's yours?

Fully Given Over to the Lord or Buried?

Fully Given Over to the Lord or Buried?

Sometimes I look over my life, all the good and bad, all the ups and downs, all things worthy of praise and those that are not so much, and think, "man, I could/should write a book!" As many know, by reading my first blog post here, I've had some serious struggles in life, but I've also had some amazing blessings! One amazing blessing is my Amazing Man, Tim. He has enabled me to grow in ways I didn't even know we're possible and shown me some of the deeper things of God.

However, as hard as it is to believe, there is something greater than my Amazing Man! It is my Amazing God! At 43 years old I'm learning, seeing, and understanding God on a whole new level. I've always understood the idea that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's people and their ideas about life and standards of living that change. Although, if we are intentionally, purposefully seeking God and His truths, He'll reveal them to us. 

He doesn't throw it all at us at once; He takes His time as He sees we're ready. He reveals what He wants us to know in layers ( thinking of Shrek's analogy of onions and their layers here). Thin layers are carefully pulled back only to reveal anew one. As each new layer is pulled off you get closer to the center of who God really is, who you are, and what He wants you to become in Him. 

This past weekend, Friday night and Saturday, Tim and I went to a conference expecting God to show up, show us some cool thing about ourselves, or to gain greater insight into who God is, and to find some direction as to where He was going to lead us. We also went, to seek out some more healing of wounded hearts caused by past experiences. Honestly, I was mostly going to be a supportive wife and to maybe learn how I could better help people with their struggles in the future. I didn't really think I needed it. Sadly, the conference itself was a bit of a let down. Yet, God can use ALL things for His glory, even a conference with out much direction, power, or passion. I did learn a few things that weren't the intent of the speaker. Some of it was reaffirmed in Sunday's church service.

The conference seemed to me, like one of the many groups I had to attend after finally ending my stays in the psyche ward. (For more info about that go back to my first blog post ) I was quite irritated about it. Hashing out old junk in my opinion, often just re-wounds.  Even though we left the conference feeling let down, we were still seeking something from God. Maybe there were some things from my past I needed to revisit?? The answer to that did sink in at Sunday's church service. Through much prayer and discussion on the 2 hour drive home, and a testimony, a sermon, and words spoken over us at church Sunday we found what God had laid out for us all along. 

We had to see and understand these truths before God could move us forward in the direction He has for us. For Tim, he needed to realize that he wasn't a "former pastor" of a church which closed the doors and ended due to his past failed marriage, (as he always introduces himself) but a pastor who is STILL called in a different season of life with a future containing hope and purpose. This truth was kept buried from Tim because I believe, it was buried under guilt instead of fully given over to God. 

For me I needed to see, although I've been healed from so much brokenness and moved on, there are some pieces of my broken heart I chose to bury deep and keep hidden away, (as if you can hide anything from God) instead of trusting God with all the pieces and giving them to Him to mend. If I can't trust Him with all the pieces of my heart, even the jagged ugly ones, how can He trust me with assisting in the furthering of His Kingdom?

We can't keep old wounds from the past buried instead of giving it all to the Lord. When we hide pieces of ourselves from God and go on living life in places we don't fit in, in order to avoid reminders of the pain, like Moses, (as we learned in Acts 7 Sunday) it keeps us disengaged from the Lord's plan and purpose for our life. I did that for 22 years! When Moses knew he was called by the Lord, he took matters into his own hands, and did it his way and failed miserably. He ran away and started a new life far away from his old life. While he tried to make the best of it, he never belonged there or fit in. He was disengage from all things God called him to. It wasn't until the Lord got ahold of him with that burning bush that he fully gave it all to the Lord and allowed God to re-engage him. Oh, how I can relate to that today, I'm sure Tim can too. So maybe this weekend WAS our burning bush. It didn't happen the way we expected, but God is often the God of the unexpected.

I'm so blessed to have a husband who not only understands and can relate to all I had buried and hidden away, that kept me from fully serving the Lord, but a husband who I can walk beside and stay encouraged as I encourage him to be completely given over to the Lord's calling. At least it didn't take us 40 years! We're still younger than Moses, it is time to re-engage and start following God's purpose and plan for our lives, the only plan that includes hope in our future.

Are you disengaged? Maybe it's time to let the Lord re-engage you. Let Him have all the pieces that are buried so he can mend them and you can claim all that He has for you!

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

FYI First blog post

http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

Suicidal Nation**Edited**

Suicidal Nation

In October 2003, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a speech promoting or discouraging I'm not sure which, Victor Hanson Davis's book, Mexifornia "Exposing the plan to destroy America." Recently I heard it replayed on a radio program.  It has really stuck with me! I went looking for it online and found it in print. I actually found it in many places and apparently the speech was given more than once. Google it.  It's scary that this democrat, 12 years ago, described exactly how a great country like the USA could be destroyed in 8 steps. He said:

"If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America. It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.'" 

So, how do all great nations commit suicide?   Before the speech began, I thought, do nations really do that? As I listened I understood more than I wanted to. It's scary that we as a nation have come so close so fast! It's never too late to turn back, but will our country turn back? Have we already made the cut so deep we'll just bleed out? Will we seek the truth that will enable the bleeding to stop or are we just ready to lay down, close our eyes to the truth, and die?

Lamm goes on to say, "First to destroy America, Turn America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country. History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar Seymour Lipset put it this way: 'The histories of bilingual and bi-cultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy. Canada, Belgium, Malaysia, Lebanon all face crises of national existence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, and Corsicans." 

English, as I always thought, was the language we should all speak. My great grand parents coming over from Sweden in the early 1900s, thought so. It's part of assimilation, or absorbing into and becoming a part of a wider society, people ideals, and culture. Nothing wrong with holding on to your native language, speak it among your friends and family and in your home, but LEARN ENGLISH TOO. If not it causes further separation. How would laws and the constitution be understood without knowing English?  We shouldn't be pushing another button for another language.

Lamm continued to say, "Second, to destroy America, "Invent 'multiculturalism' and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. I would make it an article of belief that all cultures are equal. That there are no cultural differences. I would make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are due to prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds."

Third, "We could make the United States a 'Hispanic Quebec' without much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: 'The apparent success of our own multiethnic and multicultural experiment might have been achieved! Not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentrically and what it meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us together.'" 

Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own language and culture. I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to ensure that we have various cultural subgroups living in America reinforcing their differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similarities."  

I love that description, and hate it. It is a correct view and a good way to see it, but it makes me sad.  America doesn't seem to be a melting pot any more where many come together and melt as one. It's a salad bowl where many have come together and yet stay separate. Cultures clash and unity is diminishing. 

"Fourth" as Lamm says, "I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high school." 

Still he continued, "My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think their lack of success was the fault of the majority. I would start a grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority population." 

Don't we see this happening now?! it's today's reality...

"My sixth plan for America's downfall would include dual citizenship and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity. I would stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical precedent. People undervalue the unity! Unity is what it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they possessed a common language and literature; and they worshiped the same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic Games. 

A common enemy Persia threatened their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to over come two factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. 

"E. Pluribus Unum" — From many, one. In that historical reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we can balkanize America as surely as Kosovo." 

"Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits ~ make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'x! xenophobes' halt discussion and debate."

Sounds a lot like political correctness to me and like  all the things that we are being forced to accept as being the new right thing to believe. 

Finally Lamm adds, "Having made America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-culturism, having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I would next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America, it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them." 

So, to recap... We take away our national language, create multiculturalism, accept only  tolerance and pluralism, and celebrate diversity instead of unity, blame minority's failure on the majority population, grant dual citizenship/dual loyalties, create political correctness, and open our borders wide open because that is what America was founded on people looking for a better place to live. Who cares about all the strain and tension all these concepts puts on a country? When your open to everything, you never know what you're going to let in. Turn your head or close your eyes you'll miss out on what is coming at you. In our world today, it's not always going to be good. Are people ready to accept the consequences of their actions? Good and BAD? 

While our world and country are changing fast, it's not the country my family members proudly choose to defend across the generations, we are rushing into something big, and still my Hope and future will lie in Jesus Christ! Where is yours?

20 What sorrow for those who say
    that evil is good and good is evil,
that dark is light and light is dark,
    that bitter is sweet and sweet is bitter. Isaiah 5:20

 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear.

2 Timothy 4:3

Who and what are we listening to? What do we want to hear?

"If we don't hang together, we'll hang separately,"- Ben Franklin 

Behold

Hal-le-lujah Hal-le-lujah..

Rise and shine 

your light has arrived! 

So, I tell Ya, I don't do visions and have words of knowledge. Not that I don't believe in them. I strongly believe God still works in ALL the gifts of the spirit. (Which is a little bit of a new concept for me.) I just haven't experienced them all myself, yet. I don't believe you need to have or use these gifts to show that you're saved, but you do receive them when and where God wants you to use them. That's what I would have told you before 7pm last Saturday!

Last Saturday I attended a night of worship at a pastor friend's church. It was just a time to sing worship songs to the Lord. Surprisingly, it lasted 3 hours! To me it didn't feel like it. I went into it not knowing what to expect. Just thought we'd go there see a few people we haven't seen in a while, and sing a few songs and go home. But what happened was a little bit more... Okay a lot. 

A lot of the songs we sang weren't ones I was real familiar with, but since the words were up on a screen they were easy absorb and let them wash over you. Now, I've been praying for awhile that God would speak to me and show me the gifts he has for me or to make the direction he is leading clear so that I could better live my life for His Glory. Although I'm saved, I just recently witnessed healings, amazing answers to prayer, people having words of knowledge, and even people speaking in tongues. (A lot I believe to be very real, and others, not so much) All things I once strongly believed weren't relevant in today's world. But, God has showed me different, in ways I never thought possible. During last Saturday's night of worship was one of those ways!

As we sang I believe God was showing me a "vision", a complete review of my life starting from when I was born until now. Of course I know the story of my life, I was there. I've also been reminded of when I was borne and  the circumstances surrounding the event. I've  recounted the story over the years, especially this last year as part of my testimony. What made this "vision" unique was that I was seeing it all like a movie and from a different perspective. 

As some know from reading my first blog post, I wasn't expected to live. My mom had trouble carrying babies to full term. In fact the three babies she had before me died. Being the fourth baby and my heart stopping, it seemed as if I wasn't going to be any different from the previous 3 babies. However, I had an aunt who prayed with all her heart that if I lived she would do all she could to make sure I would grow up and knew the saving power of Jesus! There was a spiritual battle raging around me from the moment I was borne, and in this "vision" I saw the battle. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I've tried not to focus on the difficult times in my life, as I've had a lot, but I've had a lot of good in my life as well as family members who showed me a lot of love. Although, in this "vision" I revisited all the instances of sexual, mental, and physical abuse in my life, the times of loneliness and the times of abandonment, and the horribly scary times staying in mental institutions, the bad choices I made in relationships, the struggle in a bad marriage, a very sick child, the fight to raise my children for the Lord when my environment was less than godly. It was all there, all the pain all the hurt... Then I got to see all the recent blessings the I received. 

 As I saw the battle rage around me with scary demons trying to hook their claws in me, God's love, light, and protection kept it all from being worse than it could have been. I also say glimpses of Tim's life, from him falling down the basement stairs at age 3 and cutting his eye and how his father carried him out. The emotional and physical abuse he endured from that same father who still loved him, the best he knew how. The trials in his previous married life and struggles of being the best father he could be considering the environment he was in. Then I saw the blessings and struggles of our current life together. All of this continued as I viewed it through the lenses that allowed me to see the unseen world around us.

I've been content in the past assuming the answer to the question why was because some day I would not only be restored, but that it would be a great witness to others and maybe even help someone facing a similar situation.

Now here's where it gets weird for me (as if it wasn't already weird)... Everything changed, it was like a dream, I'd like to say I fell asleep, but I was standing in a room singing with a bunch of other people standing and singing. My eyes were closed though, so either a super vivid imagination or "vision". I would open my eyes, look around to see that I was still there, in the sanctuary where everyone was singing. I close my eyes and I was somewhere else. I opened and closed my eyes a few times and well... with eyes closed, I was standing next to Tim in a round room, with no doors or windows. When I first found myself there, everything around me was spinning, then stopped, and I saw everything clearly. The floor and walls were all gold, I didn't look up to see the ceiling and I didn't look forward because that is where God was.  The gold was bright and shiny and there were darker gold flecks of, I don't know what, floating around in the air. We went from standing to kneeling. I had many questions but only got two answers. The answer to why, became more clear. It was/is training. Why did we have to go through so much? "To strengthen us because" HE has "a job for us to do." When, what is it? I just got, "be patient and wait, the answer will come when it is time. Not giving me all the information it is supposed to keep me looking toward HIM." So, is that's pretty weird or what!?

I chose to share all of that (even with the small fear of sounding like a nut job) to say, even though I have professed to be a Christian for many years, and believe God never changes, He can and is revealing new things. Not that there are new revelations, but that He is giving new eyes to see things in different ways. He is slowly peeling back the veil and revealing more of His plan, the one that's always been there,  and a purpose to those who seek Him.  I believe not just to me, but to the world. Just, not everyone is seeking... We desperately need to be seeking His face, His will as our world is changing fast and plunging head first into something we may never be able to pull out of, not until HIS return! Are you seeking Jesus today?