For some people it's just a bad or an off day. For others, they are completely outta whack. For me, it's been an off and on feeling for most of my life. I've often felt out of place, or that I don't have it all quite together, and sometimes I feel like there must be something seriously wrong with me.
I believe anyone, including me can have this feeling about any area, or even all areas of life at one time or another. I suppose there are many reasons a person may feel this way. It may be that you believe the lies or harsh criticism spoken over you in your life by others you looked up to, the influence you've allowed others to have over your life, or even poor decisions you made or that were made for you. If you've already surrendered your life to Christ, you may be living in a manor that goes against what He expects of you, and not following HIS lead, or just plain ol' living in a way that doesn't reflect your true self. All of these things, and I'm sure much more, can cause a person to feel out of place, mixed up, or just not fitting in.
The feeling of not being good enough or the thought, " if someone really knew me, they wouldn't like me much" has plagued me for quite some time. Ya know what that really is? Fear! As my husband says, False Evidence Appearing Real. It's very hard not to give into it. Satan is a sly one and his evidence is quite impressive at times. But it is important to always remember, 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." If God didn't give us the spirit of fear, you know it came from the Devil himself, don't accept it! We have power over him and the love of God in us and a sound mind to think clearly and make wise and educated decisions.
About a year and a half ago on our way home from out honeymoon, Tim and I stopped to attend church and someone we actually knew was there, how random! ( not really, in God's world) anyhow this person was a worship leader in another church and he too happened to be passing through. While we were there he asked to pray over us. Now I had never met him and it had been a while since Tim had seen him, so this friend didn't know too much if anything about me at s. Yet, he prayed a prayer of boldness over me. To me that was a very scary and dangerous prayer for him to pray over me. Now, I've had many people pray over me in my life time, but this was the only prayer that I actually remember all of. Others, I just remembered that this person or that prayed for me, rarely do I remember the content or context the way this prayer keeps coming back. BOLDNESS, me bold for the cause of Christ? I'm unworthy and too mixed up to do so. At least that's the lie I believe.
Now, I'm actually to the point where I have a desire to be bold but not much of an outlet to do so. However, I fear if I was presented with an outlet other than a blog, or some online social media I could hide behind, I'd probably panic and choke, or at the very least, drag my feet about it. There it is, living with out following HIS lead. Being afraid of of failure or not being good enough, or not really having a calling. Prayers will be hindered and complete peace withheld if I continue to resist His will out of fear.
14 Consider the flowing verse, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
God created us the way we are for a reason. We aren't called to fit in or be like other people, because He didn't make us like other people. I believe the word fearfully in this verse is used the same way as when the Bible speaks of the fear of the Lord, meaning to have reverence or respect for God. In that case we should appreciate the life given to us. He doesn't just create us for no reason and leave us here. He knows our life circumstances and our needs. Matthew 6:25-34 reminds us that He is aware of our physical needs, He does care about us, and will provide us with what we need. So we do need to be thankful instead of afraid of life. In the same verse, the word ‘wonderfully’ may be defined as unique. We're made unique, special and with a purpose and a plan. Ephesians 2:10 says,"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." We're all different and have different gifts as stated in 1 Corinthians 12. The desires and the way you please God will be unique to you. We don't have to worry about fitting in or doing something like everyone else. We or more to the point, I don't have to worry about what others think to, I only need to live the way God intended me to. That means following His Word and trusting Him to lead.
So there is nothing to fear, no place to try to fit in and nothing wrong with me. God knows my physical and emotional needs. He has put me where He wants me, All I have to do is follow His lead.
So when I'm called out of my box and to stretch a little more I need to keep this in mind. My hope and future rests in HIM not fear, where's yours?
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