Spring Forth

10 Life's been a bit of a struggle lately. It's amazing how finances can put such a strain on a person and on relationships. My husband works so hard for us both. He works at two jobs, neither are his calling or what he wants to be doing. He's an ordained minister and he works in a restaurant and is a trainer in a factory.  Be that as it may, it puts money in the bank. One job is slightly more demanding, physically, while the other requires a little more mental stamina. Both keep him on his feet the whole time.

While at one time I have worked at three jobs, mentally and physically they completely wore me out! Currently I'm just working at my one job. Being a special education teaching assistant in a primary life skills classroom is something I've done for many years, I love it! Yet, recently I feel, all of the years have taken a toll on me mentally and physically. The average turnover rate for such a position is about 5 years. I've lasted 15, not all in the same school, though. Taking a huge pay cut almost two years ago when I changed school districts, makes the job a little harder to enjoy. On top of that, if there is a snow day, two hour delay, or some sort of break, I don't get paid. With student loans, car payments and other unforeseen debt we have acquired, along with daily living expenses my job isn't helping much.  Which puts further mental strain on my husband and I both.

 I've come to the realization that to keep with the current theme of my life, it's time for a new change. A career change. Who knew getting your foot in the door to some place new in a new town would be so difficult? Adding more stress and strain to a relationship. Now, we know neither God nor Satan caused this situation we find ourselves in to happen. It's just part of life in this broken world we live in. That doesn't mean that Satan won't get in there and start whispering lies. Trying to get me to believe that " I'm not good enough or worthy enough to find a better job." Or telling my husband that "I'm lazy and I'll never get a job and he'll have to be doing all the work to provide for us. All the bills and all the pressures will always be on him." It is Satan's goal to destroy families to destroy relationships. If he can get you to believe lies that your spouse is not going to contribute, work together in supporting each other, and care about you, It can really drive a wedged between two people. When this happens, people will either lash out at each other or withdraw for fear of hurting the other. Neither action is good for a relationship. It's important not to let Satan have that foothold. 

My marriage may not be perfect, but in my eyes I think it's pretty darn close. Here's a glimpse into my day today and how my Amazing Man shows his love and how he cares for me: My morning had already started off pretty bad. I had nothing to wear all my clothes (not that I have a lot, compared to most) are either dirty or I've gained too much weight to wear them. I was too tired at three in the morning to take my dog out when she was whining about it. Like a horrible mom to my little Roxy I made her wait until after I took a shower. I forgot about her wanting out at 3 until she was whining at the bathroom door. The poor dog, she didn't make it, and peed right outside the bathroom door. After dragging out the carpet cleaner, wearing my uncomfortable clothes and cleaning up the dog mess, I proceed to the kitchen where there's NO COFFEE, nothing to make breakfast, and nothing to make for lunch. We hadn't gone to the store in a while. This day just isn't looking great at all! 

I go to my room where my husband is still laying. I lay beside him and began to complain about my rough morning. He quietly listens while I lay beside him ranting, and then he gently remind sme it's time to get moving, we have to go to work. We get into the car and make our way towards my work he makes a little detour and I'm sitting there in all my grouchiness, wondering what he's doing. I'm going to be late. My Amazing man pulls into The closest Circle K, goes right in and buys me some coffee, breakfast, and something for lunch. Who's heart isn't going to melt at that?  He presented to me and said, you gotta have your coffee to face today and something to eat.  

We arrive at the school as the busses are lining up. I kiss my man good bye, feeling blessed as he leaves. I take two steps and drop my coffee on the ground. Like a water balloon, the cup bursts open and coffee is splashed across the sidewalk. I stood there just like a child looking back to see my husband driving away and I began stomping my foot and letting out a loud groan of frustration.  A near by bus driver sees me and says, "you didn't want that coffee anyway." I'm pretty sure I gave her the evil eye. Isn't that how life is? It's the accumulation of the little things that trip you up and cause you to do, say, and think things that aren't always of good character. So I ended up texting my husband to complain more, " I DROPPED IT ". Ya  know what? He made a special trip and brought me more. 

Now you know my Amazing Man works two jobs. However, today he got up a little bit earlier because we're down to one car for now, and he wanted to have time to go do laundry before he went to his first job. After finishing laundry and going to his first job at a restaurant he did the grocery shopping! At the end of my day, 

My day continued to go on just as it started, little irritations and minor conflicts kept parading themselves throughout my day. All the while my mind battled between focusing on our current financial situation and trying to give it up to the Lord and Ficus on Him, and to do my job as if I were doing it for Him. At least I have a job. It seemed like the day was a constant spiritual battle. 

Tim picked me up at work and I didn't really want to continue to complain more about my day, but man! So as we make our way to his second job he listened to me vent. Before I left him at his job, he suggested that I don't go straight home, I should stop at the park and hang out by the river and have some time with the Lord. He also suggested I should have the women at my Bible study pray over me tonight. I didn't want to do either, but what would it hurt? 

As I absorb the warm sun reflecting off the water, I close my eyes, exhale and just give it all to the Lord. It was there I noticed all the signs of spring, a new season was finally here. It was there I was led to the following verses:

Mercy and truth have met together;
Righteousness and peace have kissed.
11 Truth shall spring out of the earth,
And righteousness shall look down from heaven.
12 Yes, the Lord will give what is good;
And our land will yield its increase.

Psalm 85:10-12

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall springforth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

For as the earth brings forth its bud, As the garden causes the things that are sown in it to spring forth, So the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations.

Isaiah 61:11 

God is doing a work, my current situation is just a season in life. He is making a way and soon our situation will change like winter changes to spring. Peace washed over me as He whispered these truths to my heart. He is about to do great things. I stayed a while to enjoy the view and take a couple pictures.

At Bible study I gained the courage to ask for prayer. I've never done that before, especially from a group of people. I haven't really ever had friends who would just pray for or with me, here I had a group of women who lent a hand and prayed powerful prayers over me. I don't know if they felt it or not. But I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I never have before. I can't really even put into words what I felt. It was physical, emotional, and I suppose spiritual feeling all at the same time. I wanted to hold on to that feeling as long as I could. I replayed the the prayers of the women in my head as well as the time at the park on the drive home. 

God is making things new again. They will spring forth and all will be for His glory and righteousness. Like struggling through winter and knowing with out a doubt spring and all its beauty is sure to come, so is my life right now. 

Thank you Lord for planting the seeds of hope in my heart today, help me not to forget to take the time to watch  and see what springs forth.

My hope and future will always rest in the promises of the Lord and the knowledge that situations in life are just like seasons, I will take time to look for the righteous in each one. 

Where is your hope and future today?

Does it Mean Anything to You?

Have you ever considered what the Cross of Christ means to you personally? I've often thought about it, but up until this blog post, I haven't thought about it this deep. Recently encouraged, after reading another blog post about what the cross meant to the author, to write my own. I was going to have it posted by Good Friday'. That came and went, then by Easter Sunday. Today is Monday. I really struggled putting thoughts and ideas into words.

Of course the cross means something, it's the basic foundation of Christianity. You can't have the Resurrection with out the cross. With out the Resurrection you don't have Christianity. I kept thinking of the cross itself, the image. You can see crosses on the tops of cathedrals and churches, and worn around the necks of many people. There are also many Bible verses pointing out references to the Cross. How does it all relate to me, to you personally? Does it relate personally?

1 Corinthians 1:18 says, " For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." So what's the message of the cross? How does it lead to salvation? In order to be saved you first need to understand what it means to be saved and know you have the need to be saved. It's not just being saved from something but for something. Saved for a life set apart beyond this world. 

Recognizing the need for salvation doesn't start at the cross, it ends at the cross. It starts in the Garden of Eden where that first sin was planted, took root, and began to entangle itself throughout the world, for generations. Sin causes separation from God our creator, death of the body, and death of the spirit. This truth grieved the Lord so much He made a way to escape death! Through blood sacrifice us modern day "civilized" humans find hard to grasp; which led to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. 

 Understand that the cross represents  death! Our death in exchange for the death of the Savior, Jesus Christ's. He died for us so that we can have eternal life.  The cross IS the central part of the gospel message: "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures," (1Corinthians 15:3,4). With out belief in those scriptures, there would be no foundation for the Christian Faith and no crosses on top of cathedrals, and churches, or worn around necks. 

Today, in much of the world the cross is looked upon as a religious Christian symbol, most commonly seen with a bloody and tortured representation of Jesus still hanging there. Often we see crosses decorated with elaborate designs, or two unremarkable stripped down logs, one vertical and one horizontal. The true cross that Jesus endured, the one He once hung and died on; dying the most horrific way any man could think of dying, is unlike dying by the swift modern tactics of Capitol punishment used today. It was so brutal and awful, even though Jesus knew He would die, needed to die, in order to save mankind He prayed in Gethsemane an agonizing prayer for another way. He prayed to God, “If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, NKJV) Jesus was fully man and fully God while on Earth. Knowing what He was about to face in his human body had to cause the most fear and anxiety ever. Have you ever been anxious and fearful? Jesus knows how you feel, and then some.

I think those who have been Christians for a long time loose sight of the reality the of the cross. It is lost on them because they have heard the story over and over. They are all too familiar with the awful details, coupled with the feeling of having a not too distant relationship with the Lord, the reality of the cross becomes a hazy idea or concept. I didn't realize it until I started researching and typing this out, how guilty of loosing clear sight of the cross I was.

Putting a side all the mental and physical torment Jesus endured hours before the long procession to Golgotha or Place Of The Skull, also known as Calvary, where He would be crucified the horrific ordeal should break the hearts and haunt the minds of anyone who knows the truth. So much so, it should not be forgotten or taken lightly. 

I've learned a lot by reading scientific studies and listening to sermons on the crucifixion. Once Jesus arrived at the spot he was to be hung He was  shoved backward landing with His shoulders against the wood. The Roman guard feels for just the right spot  on the front of the wrist.  A heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is then driven through the "right spot" in wrist and deep into the wood of the crossbeam. The same action is repeated on the other side. The soldier is careful not to pull the arms too tightly, to allow movement. The cross beam on which Jesus' wrists are nailed to is put in place on the top of vertical  beam. Then, the plaque with the Title, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of The Jews", is put in place. With knees flexed and toes pointed down, the left foot is pressed against the right foot onto the wooden beam, and another heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is driven through both arches and into the wood. As Jesus' body begins to droop down from the weight pulling on the nails in the wrists, excruciating pain surges violently through the nerves in his body and erupt in his brain.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. More info a decade ago, reading Jim Bishop’s The Day Christ Died, I realized that I had for years taken the Crucifixion more or less for granted — that I had grown callous to its horror by a too easy familiarity with the grim details and a too distant friendship with our Lord. It finally occurred to me that, though a physician, I didn’t even know the actual immediate cause of death. The Gospel writers don’t help us much on this point, because crucifixion and scourging were so common during their lifetime that they apparently considered a detailed description unnecessary.So we have only the concise words of the Evangelists: “Pilate, having scourged Jesus, delivered Him to them to be crucified — and they crucified Him.”  I have no competence to discuss the infinite psychic and spiritual suffering of the Incarnate God atoning for the sins of fallen man. But it seemed to me that as a physician I might pursue the physiological and anatomical aspects of our Lord’s passion in some detail.Jesus quickly thrown backward with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist. He drives a heavy, square, wrought-iron nail through the wrist and deep into the wood. Quickly, he moves to the other side and repeats the action, being careful not to pull the arms to tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The patibulum is then lifted in place at the top of the stipes and the titulus reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. ***reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. 

Trying to find relief from this tournament Jesus pushes Himself up and puts all of His weight on the nail in his feet which leads to the same violent surge of torturous pain. Fatigue sets in along with muscle cramps and throbbing pain, Jesus is hardly able to adjust Himself. He's fighting for oxygen to gain temporary relief from the cramping. With out being able to lift His body up Jesus can only inhale. With out being able to exhale, carbon dioxide will build up  causing more cramping and throbbing, and ultimately lead to death by asphyxiation. 

It was during this struggle for air Jesus spoke his last words. Looking down to those casting lots for his garments he said,  “...Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do...”(Luke 23:34) Looking to the thief next to him who asked to be remembered when He came to His Kingdom Jesus said, "...Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43) You see, even a thief who was at the end of his life that was worthy of the cross was accepted into Paradise. He didn't have to do anything but believe in Jesus and accept what He was offering; one life for another, His. When looking down to His mother Mary, and one of the disciple He loved He said, "woman, behold your son!" (John 19:26) Remember, Jesus fully God, and fully man, while on Earth, was once a little boy too. He was loved and cared for by His mother. He was a son who cared for His mother and wanted her to be cared for after he was no longer on Earth. This is another detail that shows us how much Jesus is able to relate to and live humanity so much that He would die for us. 

Mark 15:34 says, "And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” This has probably got to be the worst part. Jesus had always had a close fellowship with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. However, at this time Jesus had taken on all the hurts, pain, and the sin of the world. God can't look upon sin in all of its ugliness. It's the sin that separates us from God. Jesus took it all upon himself as well as the pain and anguish sin causes. This is the type of pain, worse than any physical pain can only be felt in Hell, where there is complete separation from God. Jesus did this so that we didn't have to, so He can identify with us, stand up for us, and be an advocate to the Father when no one else can, not even our selves. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." It is often extremely difficult for my human mind to wrap around this very truth. It's like God separated Himself from Himself, think about that... Now my silly self has had moments I was so disgusted with myself and my actions, I couldn't stand my self, I couldn't even look at my self in the mirror. That was just dealing with my own sin. Not the sin of the whole world, past, present, and future! How awful would it be to feel all the sin, shame, and ugliness of EVERYONE who ever lived or will live. And to think, He did it for me and you! 

Weak and feeling forsaken, I believe Jesus had a thirst for the Lord like never before, the type of thirst we should have. "After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” (John 19:28) This was the fifth statement Jesus said as He was slowly giving into His physical death. The Roman soldiers gave him sour wine, and when He received it, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. (John 19:30). Finally, as Jesus is about to give his seventh and final statement on Earth, He knows His mission is complete.  He could leave Hell and the broken Earth to be with the Father who would no longer require a payment or sacrifice for sin, Jesus voluntarily paid it all. "And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’”Having said this, He breathed His last."(Luke 23:46) 

1 Timothy 2:5-6 states, "For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time," Jesus is our mediator, always coming to the Father for us. We might not always feel the full weight of what Jesus did for us on the cross that day or completely understand while we are still inhabiting this earthly human body. However, I do believe our spirit fully understands.  "The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14, NKJV)

I might not have had a strong grasp in my little child mind when I decided to follow Jesus, but as I get older and put life experience behind me while facing new ones, I understand the great need for salvation. It's not just for one day, the day you "say the prayer". It is for every day. Jesus paid the price for my every day mistakes, (those who have followed my blog posts from the beginning know that I have made plenty) that would otherwise separate me from a perfect and loving God. My old (and new) mistakes or sin died on that cross with Jesus and I've been given a new life in Christ every day, IF I CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT. And that's not all, after the cross there is LIFE! Jesus arose from death and said, “...I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live."(John 11:25)

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV). 

The cross is making me knew every day. 

My hope and future are seen through what the cross has done, where is yours?

**"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness ...

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.."

~**From Hymn #370
The Lutheran Hymnal
Author: Edward Mote, c. 1834, cento
Composer: John Stainer, 1873, arr.

Who Do You Think You Are

You know we all ask a time or two in life, “Who am I? Where am I going? Who will go with me?” We want 

what we do in this life to matter, to make a difference. At least I do. It's been on my mind a lot lately! I want to be content with where I'm positioned in life, and for the most part I am. Yet, I'm curious, anxious even, to see what’s next. I know there's more to come!

While I struggle with my first world problems like finding another better paying job, worry about paying off the other car my husband and I own, paying back student loans and other bills, dreaming of a house instead of an apartment, and one day having a savings account, I don't discount the fact that there are many in the world, who from a money standpoint, would consider me rich. Rich, even though we barely make it pay check to pay check and don't have a lot of "things" (especially compared to US standards). For that, I do need to keep in mind I am already blessed before I desire more. 

However, no matter what our income is, there will always be bills to pay, unexpected life events to come up, and issues to strain our finances. Increasing our income may seem like it would fix all our "problems", if that's what you want to call them, it's not exactly what will make life matter. It will make a difference in my life, but it won't necessarily cause my life to make a difference. That's what I want. 

When looking for that one job, attending church, meeting new people, participating in groups or functions (after I'm over the social anxiety) I want to know that My life mattered or made a difference at that point in time. Not to sound all big headed like it's all about me and what I can or cannot do for people. It's the difference I want to make for The Kingdom of God. If I made all the money in the world and had all my bills paid consistently, owned fancy cars (not just the $500 car and the one I'm over miles in leasing), took lavish vacations, had the nice house, none of it would matter if it didn't impact The Kingdom. I know I can do that any where I am. In fact God's word says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,"(Colossians 3:23) I want so much to serve Him, as He has blessed me greatly, even when I can't see it. However, I'm learning serving Him isn't always about doing and constantly moving forward.

As I struggle with my first world issues, I currently struggle with just abiding in Him as well. I've experienced a lot of blessings, witnesses a lot of amazing things happen by the grace of God, in the past 3 years, and now it's all kinda' slowed down. Whether in the valley or on a plateau, I'm not always sure. I do know, the mountain top experience has changed. There are more mountains to climb and I'm just not there yet. It's exciting to be doing the work of climbing the mountain, and measuring your progress, as the summit seems to get closer and closer. And the view! Oh when you can look down over the hills, valleys, and plateaus and see where your blessings are and where they came from, it's an awesome sight. But in the valleys, and along the plateaus, it's more difficult to see. I think that's where I am right now. I know God has blessed me greatly and has shown me wonderful things, but in all of my humanness, I feel like He's taken me so far and just dropped me off, left me, wondering, "what next?" I want to keep going, climb more mountains, experience more of that God stuff. 

Now, I'm learning, there are times we just need to abide. Do you know what that means!? Abide: comply with, observe, keep hold to, stick to, stand by, acknowledge, and respect. It comes from an Old English word, bide/bīd a verb meaning to "remain or stay somewhere." I think that is the only action word (verb) that isn't an action. 

So when Jesus says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me” in John 15:4. We are to acknowledge and respect Him, while we remain or stay where He put us. Ugh, stay put. It's hard to stay put when you see others moving around and doing things. Things that look more exciting, profitable, or important than what you're doing. However, as we're abiding we're growing or bearing fruit. Biblically speaking, to bear fruit means to grow in character and become more Christ-like so that we can display the fruit of the spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

So, I guess as I'm supposed to be abiding, absorbing, and ruminating upon all that has been given to me, in order to bless me and help me grow. Now, it's time to grow and bear some fruit so that I can see who I am in Christ and reflect His goodness. By reflecting the goodness of the Lord, I will matter and make a difference. 

That's it?! It seems too simple. I want to be doing the work, seeing the God stuff. (Inserting conversation with God) "Sometimes the God stuff is just staying put and observing what He is doing in your life. When your current yield of fruit is mature enough, He'll release you to climb more mountains." I scowl at that because I'm impatient. God's word comes back with a warning and says, "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned."(John 15:6) I don't want areas of my life cut off because I was too impatient and wanted to move forward before He was ready for me to do so. Thankfully, that verse is followed by verse 7,"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." Before you get all excited, don't misconstrue the words, "ask what you desire," He won't do anything out of His will for you. It's more like the verse, Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the "desires of your heart." He'll put the right desires in your heart, when you ask for them, you'll receive them. Good thing too, could you imagine getting everything you've ever desired? Man there are some things I thought I wanted at certain times of my life I'm so glad now, I didn't get. 

So I'm anxious to know how God is going to continue to provide for us, what job He is leading me to, what future ministries He has planned for my husband and I, what and our future home will be, and just what direction does he want us heading. Until God is ready to reveal it all, I have to work on bearing fruit, most likely at this time forbearance and self-control. Not exactly the answer this human wants, but I asked and he answered. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."(James 1:5)  Considering, I strongly believe in Jeremiah 29:11, He has a purpose and a plan, to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future (Dee Dee paraphrasing)

So, who am I in the Lord? Where am I going? Am I following Him? Who's going with me? Who am I inviting? I'm an imperfect, messy Christ Follower, wife, mother, g'ma, and blogger on the greatest adventure ever, LIFE! Come with me, follow Him and see your Hope and Future!

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols 

Did you ever think, why? Why didn't God have a plan B? Does he have a plan B? After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden wasn't that end of God's plan; the plan to dwell with and fellowship with His creation? Once sin began to entangle and infuse itself into the world, God couldn't have that same fellowship, yet He never gave up on us, His creation. The Lord is always giving us glimpses of His love  and His desire for us to be near Him, creating structures, symbols, and relationships to reflect His love and desire to be near us.  

One interesting thing  I have learned in my current Bible study, is that God loves us so much, and wants to be near, and have fellowship with us, that He is constantly creating ways to get closer. He uses symbols to keep us reminded of Him or to give us glimpses of the Heavenly Realms where He resides. The Lord uses copies and shadows of the heavenly things. Hebrews 8:5 recounts how Moses was instructed to build the portable tabernacle where He could fellowship with His people: "They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven. This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: ‘See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.’” (Hebrews 8:5)

The Tabernacle and the things to be placed in it and around it was a copy and shadow or pattern straight from God in His heavenly realm. The garden of Eden built by God, for Adam and Eve, where He could fellowship with them, is another copy and shadow of the heavenly realm. If you look at the description of Eden in Genesis and the description of New Jerusalem in Revelations they both contain a river and the Tree of Life. Eden and the Tabernacle both had an East Gate that was guarded. 

Once Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden, the gate wad protected by Cherubim wielding fiery swords, to keep them from returning and taking from the Tree of Life. The Tabernacle contained the  contained the lamp stand that not only represented the tree of life but had rich symbolism about who God is. God's use of symbolism is to keep us reminded of Him. Each of the seven branches on the lamp stand represents the seven (perfect number of completion) attributes of God, with the center one standing by itself as the Spirit if God, surrounded by the other six: wisdom, understand, counsel, might, knowledge, and fear. 

Through out the ages God has been trying to get closer to us. However, due to our sin nature, there is a separation.  A separation that is caused by that sin that took hold of the world in the time of Adam and Eve. As plan A continued, Jesus came to make a way for us to be reconciled to God so that we can again have that fellowship. Sadly, each time God creates new ways to be near, man finds a way to mess it up. Jesus is the final way, it is only through Him that we will have that fellowship that will last into eternity. It is through Jesus, God the Father continues to pursue a relationship with us.  

There is one problem, we are human and by our very nature we will continue the cycle of sin. Unless we desire God and the blessings He has for our lives, more than our life itself, and accepting the gift of God's son, Jesus we won't get to experience the closeness and the presence of God. 

While our sin separated us from God, He never had a plan B. We're still living plan A! I know as much as I seem to fail in life, each failure, if I let it, pulls me further away from God.  Who, by now must have exhausted an alphabet of plans and had to borrow letters or characters from other non-English alphabets, to keep me going. Especially after today, I fell pretty hard. I'm still trying to brush the dust off. 

However, even though on days like today when it is hard to believe, and the life plan doesn't seem to line up just right, either the way we planned or thought God was planning, we  (I) need to remember to praise God. (Especially after I did the complete opposite today). When it doesn't line up the way you thought, hoped and prayed it would, know God has a better plan for you. (Boy, I said something like that in small group last Monday, how quickly my human heart forgot!) Good thing He’s not surprised at the turn of events, of what has come our (my) way, or how you’ve (I've) reacted to it. I'm still a part of plan A, we're still a part of plan A and He is still creating ways to show us His love, pulling us along until the day we get to see Him face to face and He can say, "well done good and faithful servant." 

Look around and see what He is doing in your very midst: your friends, where you work, through your relationships, and the place you live. Find out what He’s doing. It's very hard for me to see today, yet I know and trust He has a calling, that purpose and plan spoken about in Jeremiah 29:11. God knows what you need more than you do. Not only does he have a better view of the bigger picture, don't forget, in His need to be near us and love us in the flesh, He came as Jesus!  "Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."(Hebrews 2:17,18) not only did Jesus allow himself to be tempted, while hanging on that cross he felt the weight of the world's sin, pain, and suffering. He felt and experience everything we could ever go through. If he knows what it's like to be broken, then He knows what will fix us. With that knowledge, Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father praying on our behalf. 
He still gives us glimpses, copies and shadows, of what's to come today. Some of these copies and shadows include our marriages, they are to mirror His love and devotion for us, as described in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. His Word is full of not just stories, but examples and symbols of His love. Even the structure of the church is to keep us encouraged in moving forward in that love He has for us, even when we can't see or feel it. 
2 Timothy goes on to say, " who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began" ( 2 Timothy 1:9). The grace and calling were there before time began! That is when Plan A was set in place. God created time and space for mankind.  Through out that time and space we have been given glimpses copies and shadows of great things to come in our life as well as the great love He has for us each day. So, although things didn't go as planned today, I know and trust God has a better plan, plans to prosper, not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future like it says in Jeremiah 29. Look for the copies, shadows and symbols along the way. It's part of the great adventure! Life.

 

The Heat is On

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

God has really been using the messages given by the pastor at my church, the current group Bible study I'm in, and of course my Amazing Man to speak incredible truth into my life. There aren't any new truths, as God said there is nothing new under the sun, but new layers of truth are revealed in order to see more clearly what God is pointing to. And I'm just now getting it. For a few weeks those old enemies, anxiety and depression have really been attacking me. 

However, after deciding not to give in and just continue to press into those places God is leading, whether I feel so anxious I'm going to die, or at the very least, pass out or not..I think I'm starting to hear and understand a little better when God is trying to get ahold of me. (By the way, I haven't died or passed out yet.) So I just take a week or so and write a blog and make the devil pay a toll by giving the glory back to God!

While I may have been saved at the young age of 11 years old, like you read in my first blog post, and believe I have had a relationship with the Lord all these 33 years, it's only been in the past year or so that I realized, I may have grown in the Lord, and have depended on Him for my existence, but that is all the relationship was. Depending on Him to exist and survive. Like a baby depends on their parents. They don't understand true love yet.  Babies just understand they have a need, they look to their parents to fulfill that need, and when it is fulfilled, they are content. They are growing and feel fulfilled but it takes time to mature.

 I think for so long I have stayed in that child stage. Not really mature or as mature as I should or could be. I just knew, as I said in my first blog post, "I had a need not to be alone, feel rejected, or abandoned. I had a need for a loving father who loved me for me, because he created me. Not for what I can do for Him. I may not have fully understood the meaning of salvation until I was much older." Yet, today, I'm still learning; there is more to learn about the precious gift of salvation, and the relationship God wants to have with us.

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Tim 1:6 NKJV)

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

Wow! 2 Timothy 1:6, The verse just before one of my most important life verses. How could I have missed it for so long? Ya know, the Greek word for gift is charisma, which is a gift of grace, an undeserved gift from God, referring to not only salvation but gifts of the spirit. 

God lit the fire in your heart!  In my heart! It happened when we came to Him and received salvation!  The fire was lit and gifts of the spirit were distributed as He felt necessary. It is up to us to keep the fire going and to work and flow in the gifts of the spirit as He sees fit. Not just when it is convenient for us. ( Those last few lines didn't necessarily come from me, because to me, it's a bit anxiety provoking)  So when I feel my light isn't burning like it once was, I suppose there are some things I should be doing to stoke up the flame. 

Since coming to the realization, that I needed and wanted that relationship with the Lord, and receiving the gift of salvation, I've had many times of growth and rededication. I've also had many times in my life where I have strayed, allowed certain things, people, and relationships to influence and even alter the direction my life was headed, not always in a good direction. I've had to turn around many times, often feeling like I was at square one. Isn't it wonderful we serve a God of second, third, even 70 times 7 chances? 

The wounds of the past, due to my poor choices, and some times the choices made for me, may be healed, but not with out scars left behind. The amazing thing about scars is that they were once wounds that were a bloody mess, but through the cleansing and healing of the Holy Spirit, they no longer fester and ooze. Scars remind us where we've come from, and what we've been saved, cleansed, and healed of. Even as Thomas in John 20:27 understands, Jesus is recognized by His scars. It wasn't His sin but ours that caused the scars. He shares in them  to be used as a reminder to give testimony of God's unfailing love. 

Being in this new marriage I'm in, and sharing this new life, I have been given a new glimpse of God's love, and what a Godly relationship should be like. Most importantly what His love looks like. Things are so much better these days. As I look back through my past and all the events that took place to get me here, it reminds me of the way precious metals are refined. To remove all the impurities, to make it stronger and more valuable, it must go through the fire! And I've been through some pretty hot flames, often raging infernos.  With out it all, I don't think I would appreciate the life I have now. 

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with hardly any material possessions in comparison to many in our country and even some around us, we don't go on extravagant vacations, or own fancy cars, or anything like that. All of our furniture is second hand and mostly free, we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment that costs way too much, we barely make it pay check to pay check, no matter how hard we ( I should say my husband. He works harder than I) work. Yet, we appreciate all that we have more than we did when we had the "stuff"  before we lost it ALL (my husband had much more to loose than I). Life isn't about the stuff, it's about where your heart is for the Lord. About the relationship  you keep with Him, and moving forward.  Psalm 24:3-5 says, "Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?
4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god."

It is my desire to receive and keep clean hands and a pure heart, after emerging from the refining flames, in order to stay aware of and or recognize the presence of the Lord. It's in the presence of the Lord we find our hope and future. 

While I've been fighting back the darkness, like a mist around the edges of my mind, and the anxiety that wants to creep into my thoughts these past couple of weeks, I've used this post I'm writing here, and my current Bible study to help stay focused on Him. In doing so, a thought has been trying to settle in my heart since last night's Bible study... 

Ya ever feel like one of those people who never seem to catch a break, while you watch others around you who seem to get everything handed to them? Maybe not everything, but things just come to them naturally, and they probably don't even pray about it. You pray about it, you work hard, and you do your best in all your humanness to live "a good Christian life", and you still seem to miss out. It's frustrating to pray for something for so long and seeming to never get it, or feel your prayer wasn't heard, or think it's been delayed by some action or inaction you took or didn't take?! The thought I struggle with, yet know I MUST BELIEVE IT, or loose my mind over current situations, is this: "It doesn't come naturally because there is no glory in that. My prayers are heard and answered, either now or in the future. It's in a supernatural way so that there would be no denying that the answer or solution came from God the Father who loves me more than anyone else could, which further reveals  His glory." I've seen that supernatural answer after praying for the same thing for almost 20 years! So, I know God hears and answers in His time for a reason, grater than our limited minds can understand.

However, tonight in all my messiness and inability to see the whole picture, my hope and future seem a little distorted and veiled. I am thankful, I know He is on the other side of the veil and when the time is right, He will lift it and show me more of what I need to see in order to increase my faith and keep me moving forward. Until then, I won't give up my hope in knowing He holds my future, and I know it's better than anything I could ever dream. In the mean time I could use some of that supernatural intervention in my life.