Sometimes I look over my life, all the good and bad, all the ups and downs, all things worthy of praise and those that are not so much, and think, "man, I could/should write a book!" As many know, by reading my first blog post here, I've had some serious struggles in life, but I've also had some amazing blessings! One amazing blessing is my Amazing Man, Tim. He has enabled me to grow in ways I didn't even know we're possible and shown me some of the deeper things of God.
However, as hard as it is to believe, there is something greater than my Amazing Man! It is my Amazing God! At 43 years old I'm learning, seeing, and understanding God on a whole new level. I've always understood the idea that God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It's people and their ideas about life and standards of living that change. Although, if we are intentionally, purposefully seeking God and His truths, He'll reveal them to us.
He doesn't throw it all at us at once; He takes His time as He sees we're ready. He reveals what He wants us to know in layers ( thinking of Shrek's analogy of onions and their layers here). Thin layers are carefully pulled back only to reveal anew one. As each new layer is pulled off you get closer to the center of who God really is, who you are, and what He wants you to become in Him.
This past weekend, Friday night and Saturday, Tim and I went to a conference expecting God to show up, show us some cool thing about ourselves, or to gain greater insight into who God is, and to find some direction as to where He was going to lead us. We also went, to seek out some more healing of wounded hearts caused by past experiences. Honestly, I was mostly going to be a supportive wife and to maybe learn how I could better help people with their struggles in the future. I didn't really think I needed it. Sadly, the conference itself was a bit of a let down. Yet, God can use ALL things for His glory, even a conference with out much direction, power, or passion. I did learn a few things that weren't the intent of the speaker. Some of it was reaffirmed in Sunday's church service.
The conference seemed to me, like one of the many groups I had to attend after finally ending my stays in the psyche ward. (For more info about that go back to my first blog post ) I was quite irritated about it. Hashing out old junk in my opinion, often just re-wounds. Even though we left the conference feeling let down, we were still seeking something from God. Maybe there were some things from my past I needed to revisit?? The answer to that did sink in at Sunday's church service. Through much prayer and discussion on the 2 hour drive home, and a testimony, a sermon, and words spoken over us at church Sunday we found what God had laid out for us all along.
We had to see and understand these truths before God could move us forward in the direction He has for us. For Tim, he needed to realize that he wasn't a "former pastor" of a church which closed the doors and ended due to his past failed marriage, (as he always introduces himself) but a pastor who is STILL called in a different season of life with a future containing hope and purpose. This truth was kept buried from Tim because I believe, it was buried under guilt instead of fully given over to God.
For me I needed to see, although I've been healed from so much brokenness and moved on, there are some pieces of my broken heart I chose to bury deep and keep hidden away, (as if you can hide anything from God) instead of trusting God with all the pieces and giving them to Him to mend. If I can't trust Him with all the pieces of my heart, even the jagged ugly ones, how can He trust me with assisting in the furthering of His Kingdom?
We can't keep old wounds from the past buried instead of giving it all to the Lord. When we hide pieces of ourselves from God and go on living life in places we don't fit in, in order to avoid reminders of the pain, like Moses, (as we learned in Acts 7 Sunday) it keeps us disengaged from the Lord's plan and purpose for our life. I did that for 22 years! When Moses knew he was called by the Lord, he took matters into his own hands, and did it his way and failed miserably. He ran away and started a new life far away from his old life. While he tried to make the best of it, he never belonged there or fit in. He was disengage from all things God called him to. It wasn't until the Lord got ahold of him with that burning bush that he fully gave it all to the Lord and allowed God to re-engage him. Oh, how I can relate to that today, I'm sure Tim can too. So maybe this weekend WAS our burning bush. It didn't happen the way we expected, but God is often the God of the unexpected.
I'm so blessed to have a husband who not only understands and can relate to all I had buried and hidden away, that kept me from fully serving the Lord, but a husband who I can walk beside and stay encouraged as I encourage him to be completely given over to the Lord's calling. At least it didn't take us 40 years! We're still younger than Moses, it is time to re-engage and start following God's purpose and plan for our lives, the only plan that includes hope in our future.
Are you disengaged? Maybe it's time to let the Lord re-engage you. Let Him have all the pieces that are buried so he can mend them and you can claim all that He has for you!
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
FYI First blog post
http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html
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