Remember Whose Child You Are

Remember Whose Child You Are

I don't know when the idea came to me but I do remember the thoughts, feelings, and circumstances that lead to it. I was in my previous marriage  at the time and my husband was heavy into drugs and alcohol often raging about something, real or made up.  I was doing my best in the circumstances I lived in to raise my children for the Lord. I knew I had made mistakes and would make more in my endeavor to try an shield my kids from the ugliness of some of the things in their world. 

At a young age I tried to get them to understand that there will be times I fail them or wouldn't always be there for them. There might even be times they were afraid and I wouldn't be able to be there to protect them. But there was a God, a Father in heaven who would always be there and who loved them more than I ever could. He went wherever they went and was aware of everything they did. I told them that before they were my children, they were the Lord's. And that's where the phrase came from, "remember who's child you are." 

As my children grew older, I knew they would not always be around me. They would gain more independence,  have friends of their own to go off with, and I wasn't going to be there to influence or correct their actions. So each time they left the house out into the world with out me, besides saying, I love you, I would tell them, "remember whose child you are." It was later followed up with a reminder, "You're a child of a King and you should act accordingly." I wanted them to always be aware of their actions and know that I'm not the only one who holds them accountable. I could only hold them accountable for what I knew about, but God sees all and they would one day answer to Him for their actions good or bad.

Therapists and doctors today will tell a person that the poor choices they make are due to the mistakes their parents made while raising them. It takes the blame off the one making poor choices, gives them an excuse, and frees them from accountability. There comes a point in everyone's life, or at least it should, when you know right from wrong. If you know right from wrong, you're  able to decide for yourself which you'll choose. 

 Like I mentioned in my first blog post, in my late teens I faced some major depression and anxiety; accompanied by alcohol and  other means of self destruction. Of course I had an excuse for it. I was living in a home that was often out of control, that, and I was a teenager. Was I aware of God in my life? Yes. Did I lean on Him in times of trouble and when I had feelings of desperation? Not as I should have. Did I drink and sleep with guys in order to drown out the pain and confusion, to find self worth and experience love and acceptance? Yes. Could I have brought all of my hurt, shame, and anger to the Lord? Would He have comforted me? Did He send people in my life to influence and guide me? Yes, yes, yes to it all!!! It's all a spiritual battle we can chose to fight or give in to, yet rarely do people see it that way. I didn't act that way and give into the depression, anxiety, and all that other stuff because of the way I was raised or the things I experienced in life. It was because I failed to recognize the spiritual battle and listened to the lies of the devil. Having this knowledge hasn't left me anxiety free and with out any bouts of depression, I am still human living in a broken world. However, when I take it to the Lord, who's very name covers and protects me, I gain freedom from it!

God is, Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there. He is Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides.  Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and He is El Elyon, The Most High God. If He is my Heavenly Father then I am the daughter of a King!  In my poor choice to turn from Him, the most high God, who is always there, provides a way out, and offers peace, I looked to the world, and what it had to offer instead. My choices damaged family relationships and further damaged my self esteem. It wasn't my upbringing, it was how I chose to deal with my upbringing.

 My teenage and early adult years, a time of life I don't talk too much about, I'm not at all proud of it, as it shows me in an ugly light. However, God always saw me as beautiful. A beautiful mess perhaps, but beautiful. The way I dealt with my life just brought me more guilt and shame. I had aunts boldly, sometimes harshly, pointing out my sin, it made me pile on even more guilt. I held on to it instead of giving it to the one who had already redeemed it.  Instead of facing it, I let it eat at me. Sometimes I would try to turn to the Lord in my own power, but I never made the full commitment to give over everything, all of my ugliness.

 It wasn't until then, when I completely gave it all to Him did I begin to find peace. When you live in fear of being found out that you're a big fake, you're not the perfect person you're trying to be...When you live in fear that nobody will love you the way you are, or that you'll never fit in, or have  fear of anything, you won't have peace. The opposite of peace is fear. When we hold on to fear we can't have peace. Through Jehovah Shalom we can live in peace, or freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. Through that peace we can live as the child of The most High King, just as we're called to be.

I have had an idea for quite a while about blogging on the idea of being the daughter or a child of the King, but I wasn't sure from what perspective to take it from. It wasn't until after listening to a speaker at Saturday's Morning Tea for the ladies at church, sharing a piece of my testimony with another woman there, and dealing with some family issues that echoed the very loudly the need for everyone to keep in mind that they are a child of The Most High and we should act accordingly.

As much as I had always told my children through out their lives to remember who's child they were, I hadn't turned it around to myself. I didn't really start doing that until almost three years ago when someone handed me a book they thought I should read called, His Princess by Sheri Rose Shepherd. The point in wanting my children to remember who's child they were wasn't just because I wanted them to take responsibility for their actions but to know they were special and loved, not just by me, but a king! This book is written as a collection of letters from The King to us his Princess. Apparently it was something I needed to read.

We are children of the Most High King and we should act accordingly. What does that look like? It's funny that the speaker Saturday discussed the very idea of being a child of God. She used an illustration that pricked my heart a bit, because I couldn't relate to it. She described what it was like to be a little girl holding on to her daddy's strong hand, and while her hand was in his she felt safe and strong and that she could do anything. She related that feeling to what it is like to return and trust in the Lord. I have absolutely no idea what that is like. I never had a touch from my earthly father that felt safe. Although I longed for that very feeling, to put my hand in a big, strong, encouraging hand, that steadies my steps. Not having that left a hole in my heart that I tried to fill with so many worldly and self destructive things, everything but God. The one who had been holding out His hand all along. All I had to do is reach out and take it. When I finally did, He lifted me up, set me straight, and as long as I hold on He keeps me steady. 

18 “I will be a Father to you,
And you shall be My sons and daughters,

Says the LordAlmighty.”( 2 Corinthians 6:18)

Being a child of The King means to walk in faith. With faith, you can't have doubt. There's no doubt which way to go in life if you trust Him enough to follow Him. Isaiah 48:17 reminds us to listen He will tell us which way to go. "Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,The Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you by the way you should go." And, "For the Lord will be your confidence, And will keep your foot from being caught." (Proverbs 3:26) Life is going to be hard, in our humanness we will make mistakes but those mistakes are what we do, not who we are. He will keep us from being caught or unable to escape. Keep moving in the direction He calls you.

Your crown may be a little beat up, tarnished, and it may be missing a few jewels, but your title of Prince or Princess of The Most High can never be taken away. Walk in the position you hold, with your mangled crown on your head, looking forward to Him, and keep going! My hope and future are in Jehovah Shammah, the Lord who is there; Jehovah Jireh, The One Who Provides; Jehovah Shalom, the Lord of Peace, and in El Elyon, The Most High God, My Heavenly Father. 

Remember Whose Child You Are.

**

Jehovah Shalom- the Lord is Peace Judges 6:24

Jehovah Shammah-The Lord is there Ezekiel 48:35

Jehovah Jireh- The Lord Will Provide Genesis 22:14

Elyon- The Most High God 

Genesis 14:18

Does it Mean Anything to You?

Have you ever considered what the Cross of Christ means to you personally? I've often thought about it, but up until this blog post, I haven't thought about it this deep. Recently encouraged, after reading another blog post about what the cross meant to the author, to write my own. I was going to have it posted by Good Friday'. That came and went, then by Easter Sunday. Today is Monday. I really struggled putting thoughts and ideas into words.

Of course the cross means something, it's the basic foundation of Christianity. You can't have the Resurrection with out the cross. With out the Resurrection you don't have Christianity. I kept thinking of the cross itself, the image. You can see crosses on the tops of cathedrals and churches, and worn around the necks of many people. There are also many Bible verses pointing out references to the Cross. How does it all relate to me, to you personally? Does it relate personally?

1 Corinthians 1:18 says, " For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." So what's the message of the cross? How does it lead to salvation? In order to be saved you first need to understand what it means to be saved and know you have the need to be saved. It's not just being saved from something but for something. Saved for a life set apart beyond this world. 

Recognizing the need for salvation doesn't start at the cross, it ends at the cross. It starts in the Garden of Eden where that first sin was planted, took root, and began to entangle itself throughout the world, for generations. Sin causes separation from God our creator, death of the body, and death of the spirit. This truth grieved the Lord so much He made a way to escape death! Through blood sacrifice us modern day "civilized" humans find hard to grasp; which led to the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. 

 Understand that the cross represents  death! Our death in exchange for the death of the Savior, Jesus Christ's. He died for us so that we can have eternal life.  The cross IS the central part of the gospel message: "For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures," (1Corinthians 15:3,4). With out belief in those scriptures, there would be no foundation for the Christian Faith and no crosses on top of cathedrals, and churches, or worn around necks. 

Today, in much of the world the cross is looked upon as a religious Christian symbol, most commonly seen with a bloody and tortured representation of Jesus still hanging there. Often we see crosses decorated with elaborate designs, or two unremarkable stripped down logs, one vertical and one horizontal. The true cross that Jesus endured, the one He once hung and died on; dying the most horrific way any man could think of dying, is unlike dying by the swift modern tactics of Capitol punishment used today. It was so brutal and awful, even though Jesus knew He would die, needed to die, in order to save mankind He prayed in Gethsemane an agonizing prayer for another way. He prayed to God, “If it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will” (Matthew 26:39, NKJV) Jesus was fully man and fully God while on Earth. Knowing what He was about to face in his human body had to cause the most fear and anxiety ever. Have you ever been anxious and fearful? Jesus knows how you feel, and then some.

I think those who have been Christians for a long time loose sight of the reality the of the cross. It is lost on them because they have heard the story over and over. They are all too familiar with the awful details, coupled with the feeling of having a not too distant relationship with the Lord, the reality of the cross becomes a hazy idea or concept. I didn't realize it until I started researching and typing this out, how guilty of loosing clear sight of the cross I was.

Putting a side all the mental and physical torment Jesus endured hours before the long procession to Golgotha or Place Of The Skull, also known as Calvary, where He would be crucified the horrific ordeal should break the hearts and haunt the minds of anyone who knows the truth. So much so, it should not be forgotten or taken lightly. 

I've learned a lot by reading scientific studies and listening to sermons on the crucifixion. Once Jesus arrived at the spot he was to be hung He was  shoved backward landing with His shoulders against the wood. The Roman guard feels for just the right spot  on the front of the wrist.  A heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is then driven through the "right spot" in wrist and deep into the wood of the crossbeam. The same action is repeated on the other side. The soldier is careful not to pull the arms too tightly, to allow movement. The cross beam on which Jesus' wrists are nailed to is put in place on the top of vertical  beam. Then, the plaque with the Title, "Jesus of Nazareth, King of The Jews", is put in place. With knees flexed and toes pointed down, the left foot is pressed against the right foot onto the wooden beam, and another heavy, square, wrought-iron nail is driven through both arches and into the wood. As Jesus' body begins to droop down from the weight pulling on the nails in the wrists, excruciating pain surges violently through the nerves in his body and erupt in his brain.

This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. More info a decade ago, reading Jim Bishop’s The Day Christ Died, I realized that I had for years taken the Crucifixion more or less for granted — that I had grown callous to its horror by a too easy familiarity with the grim details and a too distant friendship with our Lord. It finally occurred to me that, though a physician, I didn’t even know the actual immediate cause of death. The Gospel writers don’t help us much on this point, because crucifixion and scourging were so common during their lifetime that they apparently considered a detailed description unnecessary.So we have only the concise words of the Evangelists: “Pilate, having scourged Jesus, delivered Him to them to be crucified — and they crucified Him.”  I have no competence to discuss the infinite psychic and spiritual suffering of the Incarnate God atoning for the sins of fallen man. But it seemed to me that as a physician I might pursue the physiological and anatomical aspects of our Lord’s passion in some detail.Jesus quickly thrown backward with His shoulders against the wood. The legionnaire feels for the depression at the front of the wrist. He drives a heavy, square, wrought-iron nail through the wrist and deep into the wood. Quickly, he moves to the other side and repeats the action, being careful not to pull the arms to tightly, but to allow some flexion and movement. The patibulum is then lifted in place at the top of the stipes and the titulus reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. ***reading, “Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews,” is nailed in place. 

Trying to find relief from this tournament Jesus pushes Himself up and puts all of His weight on the nail in his feet which leads to the same violent surge of torturous pain. Fatigue sets in along with muscle cramps and throbbing pain, Jesus is hardly able to adjust Himself. He's fighting for oxygen to gain temporary relief from the cramping. With out being able to lift His body up Jesus can only inhale. With out being able to exhale, carbon dioxide will build up  causing more cramping and throbbing, and ultimately lead to death by asphyxiation. 

It was during this struggle for air Jesus spoke his last words. Looking down to those casting lots for his garments he said,  “...Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do...”(Luke 23:34) Looking to the thief next to him who asked to be remembered when He came to His Kingdom Jesus said, "...Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43) You see, even a thief who was at the end of his life that was worthy of the cross was accepted into Paradise. He didn't have to do anything but believe in Jesus and accept what He was offering; one life for another, His. When looking down to His mother Mary, and one of the disciple He loved He said, "woman, behold your son!" (John 19:26) Remember, Jesus fully God, and fully man, while on Earth, was once a little boy too. He was loved and cared for by His mother. He was a son who cared for His mother and wanted her to be cared for after he was no longer on Earth. This is another detail that shows us how much Jesus is able to relate to and live humanity so much that He would die for us. 

Mark 15:34 says, "And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” This has probably got to be the worst part. Jesus had always had a close fellowship with God the Father and God the Holy Spirit. However, at this time Jesus had taken on all the hurts, pain, and the sin of the world. God can't look upon sin in all of its ugliness. It's the sin that separates us from God. Jesus took it all upon himself as well as the pain and anguish sin causes. This is the type of pain, worse than any physical pain can only be felt in Hell, where there is complete separation from God. Jesus did this so that we didn't have to, so He can identify with us, stand up for us, and be an advocate to the Father when no one else can, not even our selves. 2 Corinthians 5:21 says, "For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." It is often extremely difficult for my human mind to wrap around this very truth. It's like God separated Himself from Himself, think about that... Now my silly self has had moments I was so disgusted with myself and my actions, I couldn't stand my self, I couldn't even look at my self in the mirror. That was just dealing with my own sin. Not the sin of the whole world, past, present, and future! How awful would it be to feel all the sin, shame, and ugliness of EVERYONE who ever lived or will live. And to think, He did it for me and you! 

Weak and feeling forsaken, I believe Jesus had a thirst for the Lord like never before, the type of thirst we should have. "After this, Jesus, knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the Scripture might be fulfilled, said, “I thirst!” (John 19:28) This was the fifth statement Jesus said as He was slowly giving into His physical death. The Roman soldiers gave him sour wine, and when He received it, He said, “It is finished!” And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit. (John 19:30). Finally, as Jesus is about to give his seventh and final statement on Earth, He knows His mission is complete.  He could leave Hell and the broken Earth to be with the Father who would no longer require a payment or sacrifice for sin, Jesus voluntarily paid it all. "And when Jesus had cried out with a loud voice, He said, “Father, ‘into Your hands I commit My spirit.’”Having said this, He breathed His last."(Luke 23:46) 

1 Timothy 2:5-6 states, "For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time," Jesus is our mediator, always coming to the Father for us. We might not always feel the full weight of what Jesus did for us on the cross that day or completely understand while we are still inhabiting this earthly human body. However, I do believe our spirit fully understands.  "The natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14, NKJV)

I might not have had a strong grasp in my little child mind when I decided to follow Jesus, but as I get older and put life experience behind me while facing new ones, I understand the great need for salvation. It's not just for one day, the day you "say the prayer". It is for every day. Jesus paid the price for my every day mistakes, (those who have followed my blog posts from the beginning know that I have made plenty) that would otherwise separate me from a perfect and loving God. My old (and new) mistakes or sin died on that cross with Jesus and I've been given a new life in Christ every day, IF I CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT. And that's not all, after the cross there is LIFE! Jesus arose from death and said, “...I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live."(John 11:25)

If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV). 

The cross is making me knew every day. 

My hope and future are seen through what the cross has done, where is yours?

**"My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness ...

When He shall come with trumpet sound,

Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.."

~**From Hymn #370
The Lutheran Hymnal
Author: Edward Mote, c. 1834, cento
Composer: John Stainer, 1873, arr.

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols

The Plan Revealed Through Copies, Shadows, & Symbols 

Did you ever think, why? Why didn't God have a plan B? Does he have a plan B? After Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden wasn't that end of God's plan; the plan to dwell with and fellowship with His creation? Once sin began to entangle and infuse itself into the world, God couldn't have that same fellowship, yet He never gave up on us, His creation. The Lord is always giving us glimpses of His love  and His desire for us to be near Him, creating structures, symbols, and relationships to reflect His love and desire to be near us.  

One interesting thing  I have learned in my current Bible study, is that God loves us so much, and wants to be near, and have fellowship with us, that He is constantly creating ways to get closer. He uses symbols to keep us reminded of Him or to give us glimpses of the Heavenly Realms where He resides. The Lord uses copies and shadows of the heavenly things. Hebrews 8:5 recounts how Moses was instructed to build the portable tabernacle where He could fellowship with His people: "They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in heaven. This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: ‘See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.’” (Hebrews 8:5)

The Tabernacle and the things to be placed in it and around it was a copy and shadow or pattern straight from God in His heavenly realm. The garden of Eden built by God, for Adam and Eve, where He could fellowship with them, is another copy and shadow of the heavenly realm. If you look at the description of Eden in Genesis and the description of New Jerusalem in Revelations they both contain a river and the Tree of Life. Eden and the Tabernacle both had an East Gate that was guarded. 

Once Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden, the gate wad protected by Cherubim wielding fiery swords, to keep them from returning and taking from the Tree of Life. The Tabernacle contained the  contained the lamp stand that not only represented the tree of life but had rich symbolism about who God is. God's use of symbolism is to keep us reminded of Him. Each of the seven branches on the lamp stand represents the seven (perfect number of completion) attributes of God, with the center one standing by itself as the Spirit if God, surrounded by the other six: wisdom, understand, counsel, might, knowledge, and fear. 

Through out the ages God has been trying to get closer to us. However, due to our sin nature, there is a separation.  A separation that is caused by that sin that took hold of the world in the time of Adam and Eve. As plan A continued, Jesus came to make a way for us to be reconciled to God so that we can again have that fellowship. Sadly, each time God creates new ways to be near, man finds a way to mess it up. Jesus is the final way, it is only through Him that we will have that fellowship that will last into eternity. It is through Jesus, God the Father continues to pursue a relationship with us.  

There is one problem, we are human and by our very nature we will continue the cycle of sin. Unless we desire God and the blessings He has for our lives, more than our life itself, and accepting the gift of God's son, Jesus we won't get to experience the closeness and the presence of God. 

While our sin separated us from God, He never had a plan B. We're still living plan A! I know as much as I seem to fail in life, each failure, if I let it, pulls me further away from God.  Who, by now must have exhausted an alphabet of plans and had to borrow letters or characters from other non-English alphabets, to keep me going. Especially after today, I fell pretty hard. I'm still trying to brush the dust off. 

However, even though on days like today when it is hard to believe, and the life plan doesn't seem to line up just right, either the way we planned or thought God was planning, we  (I) need to remember to praise God. (Especially after I did the complete opposite today). When it doesn't line up the way you thought, hoped and prayed it would, know God has a better plan for you. (Boy, I said something like that in small group last Monday, how quickly my human heart forgot!) Good thing He’s not surprised at the turn of events, of what has come our (my) way, or how you’ve (I've) reacted to it. I'm still a part of plan A, we're still a part of plan A and He is still creating ways to show us His love, pulling us along until the day we get to see Him face to face and He can say, "well done good and faithful servant." 

Look around and see what He is doing in your very midst: your friends, where you work, through your relationships, and the place you live. Find out what He’s doing. It's very hard for me to see today, yet I know and trust He has a calling, that purpose and plan spoken about in Jeremiah 29:11. God knows what you need more than you do. Not only does he have a better view of the bigger picture, don't forget, in His need to be near us and love us in the flesh, He came as Jesus!  "Therefore, in all things He had to be made like His brethren, that He might be a merciful and faithful High Priest in things pertaining to God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For in that He Himself has suffered, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted."(Hebrews 2:17,18) not only did Jesus allow himself to be tempted, while hanging on that cross he felt the weight of the world's sin, pain, and suffering. He felt and experience everything we could ever go through. If he knows what it's like to be broken, then He knows what will fix us. With that knowledge, Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father praying on our behalf. 
He still gives us glimpses, copies and shadows, of what's to come today. Some of these copies and shadows include our marriages, they are to mirror His love and devotion for us, as described in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. His Word is full of not just stories, but examples and symbols of His love. Even the structure of the church is to keep us encouraged in moving forward in that love He has for us, even when we can't see or feel it. 
2 Timothy goes on to say, " who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began" ( 2 Timothy 1:9). The grace and calling were there before time began! That is when Plan A was set in place. God created time and space for mankind.  Through out that time and space we have been given glimpses copies and shadows of great things to come in our life as well as the great love He has for us each day. So, although things didn't go as planned today, I know and trust God has a better plan, plans to prosper, not to harm, plans to give you hope and a future like it says in Jeremiah 29. Look for the copies, shadows and symbols along the way. It's part of the great adventure! Life.

 

The Heat is On

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

God has really been using the messages given by the pastor at my church, the current group Bible study I'm in, and of course my Amazing Man to speak incredible truth into my life. There aren't any new truths, as God said there is nothing new under the sun, but new layers of truth are revealed in order to see more clearly what God is pointing to. And I'm just now getting it. For a few weeks those old enemies, anxiety and depression have really been attacking me. 

However, after deciding not to give in and just continue to press into those places God is leading, whether I feel so anxious I'm going to die, or at the very least, pass out or not..I think I'm starting to hear and understand a little better when God is trying to get ahold of me. (By the way, I haven't died or passed out yet.) So I just take a week or so and write a blog and make the devil pay a toll by giving the glory back to God!

While I may have been saved at the young age of 11 years old, like you read in my first blog post, and believe I have had a relationship with the Lord all these 33 years, it's only been in the past year or so that I realized, I may have grown in the Lord, and have depended on Him for my existence, but that is all the relationship was. Depending on Him to exist and survive. Like a baby depends on their parents. They don't understand true love yet.  Babies just understand they have a need, they look to their parents to fulfill that need, and when it is fulfilled, they are content. They are growing and feel fulfilled but it takes time to mature.

 I think for so long I have stayed in that child stage. Not really mature or as mature as I should or could be. I just knew, as I said in my first blog post, "I had a need not to be alone, feel rejected, or abandoned. I had a need for a loving father who loved me for me, because he created me. Not for what I can do for Him. I may not have fully understood the meaning of salvation until I was much older." Yet, today, I'm still learning; there is more to learn about the precious gift of salvation, and the relationship God wants to have with us.

Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Tim 1:6 NKJV)

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. ( 2 Timothy 1:6 NIV)

Wow! 2 Timothy 1:6, The verse just before one of my most important life verses. How could I have missed it for so long? Ya know, the Greek word for gift is charisma, which is a gift of grace, an undeserved gift from God, referring to not only salvation but gifts of the spirit. 

God lit the fire in your heart!  In my heart! It happened when we came to Him and received salvation!  The fire was lit and gifts of the spirit were distributed as He felt necessary. It is up to us to keep the fire going and to work and flow in the gifts of the spirit as He sees fit. Not just when it is convenient for us. ( Those last few lines didn't necessarily come from me, because to me, it's a bit anxiety provoking)  So when I feel my light isn't burning like it once was, I suppose there are some things I should be doing to stoke up the flame. 

Since coming to the realization, that I needed and wanted that relationship with the Lord, and receiving the gift of salvation, I've had many times of growth and rededication. I've also had many times in my life where I have strayed, allowed certain things, people, and relationships to influence and even alter the direction my life was headed, not always in a good direction. I've had to turn around many times, often feeling like I was at square one. Isn't it wonderful we serve a God of second, third, even 70 times 7 chances? 

The wounds of the past, due to my poor choices, and some times the choices made for me, may be healed, but not with out scars left behind. The amazing thing about scars is that they were once wounds that were a bloody mess, but through the cleansing and healing of the Holy Spirit, they no longer fester and ooze. Scars remind us where we've come from, and what we've been saved, cleansed, and healed of. Even as Thomas in John 20:27 understands, Jesus is recognized by His scars. It wasn't His sin but ours that caused the scars. He shares in them  to be used as a reminder to give testimony of God's unfailing love. 

Being in this new marriage I'm in, and sharing this new life, I have been given a new glimpse of God's love, and what a Godly relationship should be like. Most importantly what His love looks like. Things are so much better these days. As I look back through my past and all the events that took place to get me here, it reminds me of the way precious metals are refined. To remove all the impurities, to make it stronger and more valuable, it must go through the fire! And I've been through some pretty hot flames, often raging infernos.  With out it all, I don't think I would appreciate the life I have now. 

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with hardly any material possessions in comparison to many in our country and even some around us, we don't go on extravagant vacations, or own fancy cars, or anything like that. All of our furniture is second hand and mostly free, we live in a tiny one bedroom apartment that costs way too much, we barely make it pay check to pay check, no matter how hard we ( I should say my husband. He works harder than I) work. Yet, we appreciate all that we have more than we did when we had the "stuff"  before we lost it ALL (my husband had much more to loose than I). Life isn't about the stuff, it's about where your heart is for the Lord. About the relationship  you keep with Him, and moving forward.  Psalm 24:3-5 says, "Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?

    Who may stand in his holy place?
4 The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god."

It is my desire to receive and keep clean hands and a pure heart, after emerging from the refining flames, in order to stay aware of and or recognize the presence of the Lord. It's in the presence of the Lord we find our hope and future. 

While I've been fighting back the darkness, like a mist around the edges of my mind, and the anxiety that wants to creep into my thoughts these past couple of weeks, I've used this post I'm writing here, and my current Bible study to help stay focused on Him. In doing so, a thought has been trying to settle in my heart since last night's Bible study... 

Ya ever feel like one of those people who never seem to catch a break, while you watch others around you who seem to get everything handed to them? Maybe not everything, but things just come to them naturally, and they probably don't even pray about it. You pray about it, you work hard, and you do your best in all your humanness to live "a good Christian life", and you still seem to miss out. It's frustrating to pray for something for so long and seeming to never get it, or feel your prayer wasn't heard, or think it's been delayed by some action or inaction you took or didn't take?! The thought I struggle with, yet know I MUST BELIEVE IT, or loose my mind over current situations, is this: "It doesn't come naturally because there is no glory in that. My prayers are heard and answered, either now or in the future. It's in a supernatural way so that there would be no denying that the answer or solution came from God the Father who loves me more than anyone else could, which further reveals  His glory." I've seen that supernatural answer after praying for the same thing for almost 20 years! So, I know God hears and answers in His time for a reason, grater than our limited minds can understand.

However, tonight in all my messiness and inability to see the whole picture, my hope and future seem a little distorted and veiled. I am thankful, I know He is on the other side of the veil and when the time is right, He will lift it and show me more of what I need to see in order to increase my faith and keep me moving forward. Until then, I won't give up my hope in knowing He holds my future, and I know it's better than anything I could ever dream. In the mean time I could use some of that supernatural intervention in my life.

Get Out of Your Head

Get Out of Your Head, You Have No Friends In There!

Coming from a life where there once was isolation and abuse (those first words are extremely hard to put out there), being a natural introvert, and having had major battles of depression and anxiety, sometimes I can find it very easy to retreat from people or life experiences in general, and just become invisible. But I know that isn't where God wants me. As many may know from my first blog post, http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

God didn't bring me this far in life to just become invisible. 

Now I understand, all humans have bouts of feeling anxious or depressed that's a normal part of life. However, when you have those times and they keep you from doing what you know you need to be doing, you better be on your knees before God. That's when you need more strength to just get up and move forward. Yet I also know, in the middle of it all it isn't always easy to recognize the need. 

Now, I've spent a huge chunk of my life just living in my head. I've learned if you stay too long, it could be dangerous. There are no friends in there! Your mind is Satan's favorite place to play and attack. While I have gotten better and feel like the Lord has delivered me from anxiety and depression it doesn't mean I don't slip back once in a while. 

Just this past week or so, I have had a pretty big battle. It's been quite a while since I felt this bad. Tonight it scared me. I don't like to admit it and for the most part, I "think" I'm good at hiding it. I didn't do anything to try and make it better. I didn't talk about it, I didn't pray about it, I did some complaining to God though, I didn't do my Bible Study homework, which would have been helpful considering the topic I found out about today. I missed out on good stuff because I chose to wallow around in "my" depression. Yup, I claimed it and stayed there, in "my" depression. Why do I do that to myself? 

What do I have to feel so anxious and depressed about, that I stop what I need to be doing in life? Living. Now, I know the old reasons I had, but God has restored and redeemed all of that. So where does it all come from?

Of course there's that old enemy we like to blame, but often we're our worst enemy. Satan, he just helps add to it. All Satan does is throw lies on top of a situation already created, either by ourselves or just a life interruption. So when I began to slip into my head and think about the difficulties in our finances, needing to get a better job and increase my income, being the Godly wife my husband needs, following God the way He calls, and realizing true or not, I'm failing at all of those things, or so I think; I listen to the father of lies who tells me "I'm no good, I'm unworthy of love, would never make a good pastor's wife, never be able to minister to other young women the way I feel called to, I can't even hear from the Lord, there's no fire in me, and who do I think I am, look where I've been, unworthy one."

Only by the Grace of God did I lift my head up enough to hear God asking, "Are you done yet? Are you ready to get out of that mess you're wallowing around in?" I got myself to Bible study, the 1/2 hour drive was beautiful. Sometimes, I think God paints the sky just for me. While in Bible study I heard two good truths that I really needed to hear. First, " God lights the fire in us when we receive salvation and spiritual gifts. It's up to us to keep the fire burning." The other truth I heard was that, "true intimacy with God begins with humility. With out fail God will bring things about you, some/most maybe not so nice into the light to be dealt with before you enter new ministry. A fresh glimpse of yourself to bring deeper humility before you go deeper into your calling." I've known for a while God has been calling me to greater and deeper things. While He is trying to shine the light on areas that may need some dealing with, Satan is trying to cloud my vision by taking me back to revisit the old life full of the old lies.

I need to battle it with the truth that I know. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." And 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." These two verses are the very ones that broke the chains of anxiety and depression for good those many many years ago and His Word never returns void as long as I hang on to it and keep moving forward. By staying out of my head, there are no friends in there with answers. Only God has the answer. My hope and future lie in the truth of His promises, and yours?

If You Don't Deal With It, the Past Will Continue to Bite at You

If you don't deal with it, the past will continue to bite at you.

Have you been struggling to hear from God, searching for direction, or just asking what He wants from you? I have. I've really been trying to set aside quiet time to be still, wait and listen. I learned something... It's not always that we can't hear God, we don't always like to hear what He says. It became very clear to me today after pushing it away for a while, that there were things from my past I haven't completely taken care of. How can I minister to people, encourage them to deal with issues and pray over them if I haven't done the same in my life. Is it easier to say ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up and walk’? (Luke 5:23) It's been easier for me to say I forgive, give forgiveness, and say I accept  forgiveness, but to walk in it, is a greater challenge.

So, God poked and prodded me into writing the following letter and half way through it He decided I'd share it in my blog after I sent it. How can anyone seek out hope in the future God has for you, if you find let Him take care of the past?

Hello,

Surprise! Bet you didn't expect to hear from me, eh? The Lord has really put you on my heart lately. I've tried to push the thought away but it kept returning, so apparently God wants me to tell you what's been on my heart for quite some time. I know shortly after Tim and I were married you sent him a message of gratitude and he let you know that he knew our history and believed I didn't want any contact with you. I don't know if you understand what a difficult spot it is for me to explain to my husband, or anyone for that matter why you're not in my life. I understand why it would be difficult for you, but I can't exactly step into your shoes and see it from your point of view, you can't do the same for me.

I'm not sending you a message to rehash old wounds, to ask questions, accuse, or blame. I just feel there are still some pieces that aren't quiet healed yet, in both of us. That healing will only come from forgiveness. Forgivenesses doesn't mean I'm willing to have a relationship, it just means I'm letting go of all the hurt, pain, blame, and confusion, while giving you the opportunity to do the same. There have been many times I've said, "oh, I've forgiven, moved on, it's no longer an issue." But, I think there are small pieces I managed to hold on to. 

First, I want to say, " contrary to what the rest of my family would like to believe, you are not to blame for all the problems, issues, and poor decisions I've made in my life." What happened, happened. It was wrong, horrible, and in human eyes, unforgivable. When you left my life, really left my life, for me, it was over. 

Although, the I've heard accusations from other people, I can't speak to anyone else's experiences, encounters, or life with you. That's not my place or purpose. I forgive you for the sexual abuse that took place while you were still married to my mom and living with us. 

However, the harder things to forgive are the lies and stories you told for years after you moved out, to impress, divert real issues, and or make yourself look better; trying to appear as someone you're not. For a time I possessed those traits as well. Secondly, I'm letting go of that hurt and releasing you from blame. There comes a time a person knows right from wrong and they can't use their past abuse or hurts, or the way they were raised, as an excuse, as to why they make the choices they make. 

Third, I've struggled over the years knowing I had a dad somewhere out there, that could never fill the role of dad or now, grandpa and great grandpa. Instead, I worried if he's out there hurting other people. I wondered if you went on having a better life than me and mad if you did, thinking you didn't deserve it. There is part of me that felt like you deserved to be forever punished. But you know what? Jesus doesn't treat people that way. He has grace and mercy for EVERYONE! 

In God's eyes, a sin is a sin, no matter how big or small. It is not my job to take inventory of another person's life and it is not my job to judge. If I came to Jesus and asked for forgiveness for the lies I've told and the people I hurt in my life time, He would extend grace and mercy to me. Am I greater than the God of the universe? The one true perfect God of all? No! Compared to HIM, I'm no more than a speck of dust, sitting in the back corner of a room, somewhere that has been forgotten about. But, He sees me, who I truly am and loves me anyway. Who am I to judge or withhold anything? 

I don't know where your walk with the Lord is at, or if you even have one. If I asked you about it, I'm not sure I'd believe anything you said, but again that's not my job to make a judgement. Letting go means it's all between you and God now. I'm letting go of all the past hurt, the blame, and excuses. You're free from my hanging on to any shred of hurt, judgement, or bitterness.

Finally, I pray that God would do an amazing work in your life and bring healing to your heart and bless you richly. 

Dee Dee

The Door is Open and the Chains Are Gone!

Are you still sitting in that dark lonely pit of a dungeon, even though the door to your cell is opened and your chains are gone? Sunday the pastor at our church preached about deliverance and the idea that when something is delivered, it is removed or handed over from one grip to another. This idea has been rolling around my head for days now.

We've all been there, in the grips of that dungeon, sitting in a dark pit.  It looks different to each individual and sometimes it can change. We get fooled into thinking we're the only ones there, nobody else sees us, or even knows we're there. But Jesus not only knows, He has delivered us from that pit, the chains of our old life and actions have been removed. We've been set free! For some the pit that consumes them may be addictions, guilt, insecurities, depression, fear, and anxieties. The chains that hold them there are the labels placed on them by other people and lies spoken over them by the enemy. 

Acts 12:7-10 and Acts 16:16-38 is about Peter and then Paul and Silas's  delivery  from their prison and the chains that held them there. False accusations, which is what holds every believer who sits in the prison of depression, guilt, anxiety, shame, or any other spiritual sometimes emotional or mental ailment; it's what brought these godly men of Acts to their prison. Like Peter, Paul, and Silas, God delivered them straight out of the chains that held them there, we are also delivered from the chains that hold us down. 

While we may have been delivered we must take part in the getting out. God caused a great earthquake that loosened the chains of Paul and Silas, who were stripped and beaten, and thrown in prison with out a trial. They stayed faithful and waited on the Lord and took action at the appropriate time. In Peter's case an angel quietly came to his cell, released him from his chains, told him to get up, get dressed, and walk out. In both cases God could have just transported them from one place to another like Scotty beaming Kirk and Spock up to the Enterprise. God could have deceived the guards like Obi-wan Kneobi's Jedi mind tricks. But He didn't. Their deliverance was witnessed by others. 

We've been given the gift of freedom, but we have to accept it and use it. Stand up, walk out, and let it be a witness to others. Get out of that pit. The door to your cell is open and the chains are gone. Don't just sit there and use your past captivity as an excuse to not live out your future. There are times the devil deceives us into thinking we're still trapped and we can't do this or that, but give into it. It's hard when you have to start living out life the way God intended, it's can be full of new and never before seen experiences. God has a new and better plan for us than what we've lived while in the dungeons of life. And as many have read in my first blog post, I spent a long time in those dungeons.

For me, there was that guilt over sin already forgiven, anxiety, unfounded fears and depression. There were the labels of abused, used up, dysfunction, and disorder. There were the lies spoken about me that said I was not good enough, smart enough, or worthy.  I was crazy, unloveable, and ugly. If I allow myself I can sink back into the despair  of a that pit, that dungeon where nobody could see me or hear my cries. You see, I can allow myself return or I can walk out and live in freedom. Sometimes returning to the pit is easier, it's comfortable, familiar, and at one time all I knew. I knew how to live that way and knew what to expect. 

At times I still struggle with social anxiety, feelings if not being good enough, and the shadow of depression tries to stretch over me, but if I stand firm in the Lord, stay in HIS word, and out if the old cell deep in the dungeons of my past, I know I can stay free and victorious. I admit that sometimes it is easy for me to return and hide out there in order to keep from doing something I may be called to do, using the excuse of depression and anxiety, or listening to lies about being unworthy. In fact if I'm truthful, living as a broken down, depressed person, with social anxiety keeps me from doing the things I find difficult. I can use that pit to hide from new responsibilities. But is that what God wants for me? NO!

I've been delivered from the grip of Satan himself to the gentle but firm grip of the Lord God Almighty who has a hope and a future planned out for me! It is my responsibility to get out of my cell and walk in it! Are you content sitting in your cell, in the deep dark dungeons of life, bound up in chains, where nobody can see you, and you can pretend that you won't be held responsible for not taking more action in your life, or are you ready to step out and see what hope and future lies before you? Step out, life in Christ can be the greatest adventure!