Who Do You Think You Are

You know we all ask a time or two in life, “Who am I? Where am I going? Who will go with me?” We want 

what we do in this life to matter, to make a difference. At least I do. It's been on my mind a lot lately! I want to be content with where I'm positioned in life, and for the most part I am. Yet, I'm curious, anxious even, to see what’s next. I know there's more to come!

While I struggle with my first world problems like finding another better paying job, worry about paying off the other car my husband and I own, paying back student loans and other bills, dreaming of a house instead of an apartment, and one day having a savings account, I don't discount the fact that there are many in the world, who from a money standpoint, would consider me rich. Rich, even though we barely make it pay check to pay check and don't have a lot of "things" (especially compared to US standards). For that, I do need to keep in mind I am already blessed before I desire more. 

However, no matter what our income is, there will always be bills to pay, unexpected life events to come up, and issues to strain our finances. Increasing our income may seem like it would fix all our "problems", if that's what you want to call them, it's not exactly what will make life matter. It will make a difference in my life, but it won't necessarily cause my life to make a difference. That's what I want. 

When looking for that one job, attending church, meeting new people, participating in groups or functions (after I'm over the social anxiety) I want to know that My life mattered or made a difference at that point in time. Not to sound all big headed like it's all about me and what I can or cannot do for people. It's the difference I want to make for The Kingdom of God. If I made all the money in the world and had all my bills paid consistently, owned fancy cars (not just the $500 car and the one I'm over miles in leasing), took lavish vacations, had the nice house, none of it would matter if it didn't impact The Kingdom. I know I can do that any where I am. In fact God's word says, "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men,"(Colossians 3:23) I want so much to serve Him, as He has blessed me greatly, even when I can't see it. However, I'm learning serving Him isn't always about doing and constantly moving forward.

As I struggle with my first world issues, I currently struggle with just abiding in Him as well. I've experienced a lot of blessings, witnesses a lot of amazing things happen by the grace of God, in the past 3 years, and now it's all kinda' slowed down. Whether in the valley or on a plateau, I'm not always sure. I do know, the mountain top experience has changed. There are more mountains to climb and I'm just not there yet. It's exciting to be doing the work of climbing the mountain, and measuring your progress, as the summit seems to get closer and closer. And the view! Oh when you can look down over the hills, valleys, and plateaus and see where your blessings are and where they came from, it's an awesome sight. But in the valleys, and along the plateaus, it's more difficult to see. I think that's where I am right now. I know God has blessed me greatly and has shown me wonderful things, but in all of my humanness, I feel like He's taken me so far and just dropped me off, left me, wondering, "what next?" I want to keep going, climb more mountains, experience more of that God stuff. 

Now, I'm learning, there are times we just need to abide. Do you know what that means!? Abide: comply with, observe, keep hold to, stick to, stand by, acknowledge, and respect. It comes from an Old English word, bide/bīd a verb meaning to "remain or stay somewhere." I think that is the only action word (verb) that isn't an action. 

So when Jesus says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me” in John 15:4. We are to acknowledge and respect Him, while we remain or stay where He put us. Ugh, stay put. It's hard to stay put when you see others moving around and doing things. Things that look more exciting, profitable, or important than what you're doing. However, as we're abiding we're growing or bearing fruit. Biblically speaking, to bear fruit means to grow in character and become more Christ-like so that we can display the fruit of the spirit as described in Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

So, I guess as I'm supposed to be abiding, absorbing, and ruminating upon all that has been given to me, in order to bless me and help me grow. Now, it's time to grow and bear some fruit so that I can see who I am in Christ and reflect His goodness. By reflecting the goodness of the Lord, I will matter and make a difference. 

That's it?! It seems too simple. I want to be doing the work, seeing the God stuff. (Inserting conversation with God) "Sometimes the God stuff is just staying put and observing what He is doing in your life. When your current yield of fruit is mature enough, He'll release you to climb more mountains." I scowl at that because I'm impatient. God's word comes back with a warning and says, "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned."(John 15:6) I don't want areas of my life cut off because I was too impatient and wanted to move forward before He was ready for me to do so. Thankfully, that verse is followed by verse 7,"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." Before you get all excited, don't misconstrue the words, "ask what you desire," He won't do anything out of His will for you. It's more like the verse, Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the "desires of your heart." He'll put the right desires in your heart, when you ask for them, you'll receive them. Good thing too, could you imagine getting everything you've ever desired? Man there are some things I thought I wanted at certain times of my life I'm so glad now, I didn't get. 

So I'm anxious to know how God is going to continue to provide for us, what job He is leading me to, what future ministries He has planned for my husband and I, what and our future home will be, and just what direction does he want us heading. Until God is ready to reveal it all, I have to work on bearing fruit, most likely at this time forbearance and self-control. Not exactly the answer this human wants, but I asked and he answered. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."(James 1:5)  Considering, I strongly believe in Jeremiah 29:11, He has a purpose and a plan, to prosper me and not harm me, to give me a hope and a future (Dee Dee paraphrasing)

So, who am I in the Lord? Where am I going? Am I following Him? Who's going with me? Who am I inviting? I'm an imperfect, messy Christ Follower, wife, mother, g'ma, and blogger on the greatest adventure ever, LIFE! Come with me, follow Him and see your Hope and Future!