Get Out of Your Head

Get Out of Your Head, You Have No Friends In There!

Coming from a life where there once was isolation and abuse (those first words are extremely hard to put out there), being a natural introvert, and having had major battles of depression and anxiety, sometimes I can find it very easy to retreat from people or life experiences in general, and just become invisible. But I know that isn't where God wants me. As many may know from my first blog post, http://deeds4him.blogspot.com/2015/06/hope-and-future-just-beginning.html

God didn't bring me this far in life to just become invisible. 

Now I understand, all humans have bouts of feeling anxious or depressed that's a normal part of life. However, when you have those times and they keep you from doing what you know you need to be doing, you better be on your knees before God. That's when you need more strength to just get up and move forward. Yet I also know, in the middle of it all it isn't always easy to recognize the need. 

Now, I've spent a huge chunk of my life just living in my head. I've learned if you stay too long, it could be dangerous. There are no friends in there! Your mind is Satan's favorite place to play and attack. While I have gotten better and feel like the Lord has delivered me from anxiety and depression it doesn't mean I don't slip back once in a while. 

Just this past week or so, I have had a pretty big battle. It's been quite a while since I felt this bad. Tonight it scared me. I don't like to admit it and for the most part, I "think" I'm good at hiding it. I didn't do anything to try and make it better. I didn't talk about it, I didn't pray about it, I did some complaining to God though, I didn't do my Bible Study homework, which would have been helpful considering the topic I found out about today. I missed out on good stuff because I chose to wallow around in "my" depression. Yup, I claimed it and stayed there, in "my" depression. Why do I do that to myself? 

What do I have to feel so anxious and depressed about, that I stop what I need to be doing in life? Living. Now, I know the old reasons I had, but God has restored and redeemed all of that. So where does it all come from?

Of course there's that old enemy we like to blame, but often we're our worst enemy. Satan, he just helps add to it. All Satan does is throw lies on top of a situation already created, either by ourselves or just a life interruption. So when I began to slip into my head and think about the difficulties in our finances, needing to get a better job and increase my income, being the Godly wife my husband needs, following God the way He calls, and realizing true or not, I'm failing at all of those things, or so I think; I listen to the father of lies who tells me "I'm no good, I'm unworthy of love, would never make a good pastor's wife, never be able to minister to other young women the way I feel called to, I can't even hear from the Lord, there's no fire in me, and who do I think I am, look where I've been, unworthy one."

Only by the Grace of God did I lift my head up enough to hear God asking, "Are you done yet? Are you ready to get out of that mess you're wallowing around in?" I got myself to Bible study, the 1/2 hour drive was beautiful. Sometimes, I think God paints the sky just for me. While in Bible study I heard two good truths that I really needed to hear. First, " God lights the fire in us when we receive salvation and spiritual gifts. It's up to us to keep the fire burning." The other truth I heard was that, "true intimacy with God begins with humility. With out fail God will bring things about you, some/most maybe not so nice into the light to be dealt with before you enter new ministry. A fresh glimpse of yourself to bring deeper humility before you go deeper into your calling." I've known for a while God has been calling me to greater and deeper things. While He is trying to shine the light on areas that may need some dealing with, Satan is trying to cloud my vision by taking me back to revisit the old life full of the old lies.

I need to battle it with the truth that I know. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." And 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." These two verses are the very ones that broke the chains of anxiety and depression for good those many many years ago and His Word never returns void as long as I hang on to it and keep moving forward. By staying out of my head, there are no friends in there with answers. Only God has the answer. My hope and future lie in the truth of His promises, and yours?