Are you struggling a lot lately with being content? I am. Even had a few mini pity parties crying out to God about my discontent and wishing my heart felt different. I also started and deleted a few blog posts venting about being discontent.
Don't get me wrong, I have many blessings I am very thankful for, a long list, in fact! However, my heart struggles with being content. It's not about having things. It's more about being and doing more. More for the Lord and making an impact for the Kingdom of God. I feel have felt for most of my life I'm just lacking something most Christians who seem to have it together have. I don't know how to fill that empty space. Of course the "Christian" answer is God/Jesus. To that, in my humanness I say, "well duh." That's not exactly helpful.
So yesterday morning, I'm reading a devotional and what does it happen to be on? Being content. Isn't that just like God? In the devotional there was a statement that said, "People tend to think their circumstances determine their quality of life." It went on to remind me that it is possible to be content in any and all circumstances. How many times have I said that very thing to others? I do believe it to be true, but putting it into practice has been difficult lately. I'm either working one of my two jobs or sleeping during the week, same with my Amazing Man. On the weekend we love to go on some kind of mini driving "adventure" and attend church. It's all good, but there's still this part of me that wants more. More of God, but I've got all I'm going to get. (More about that later) I have learned that the key to being content is focusing more on God and enjoying His presence. But I just don't seem to be holding that key in my hand as much as I'd like.
I'm finding, that's where're my problem lies. Enjoying or experiencing God's presence. Not just enjoying the experience, but enjoying so much so that I can find contentment, even through the circumstances that surround me. There are times in my life when I have claimed Philippians 4:12 and felt, for me, it was true. However, now that I have seen and received many blessings, there are other circumstances that hinder me from enjoying them to the fullest. Mostly debt and not quite enough funds, even though we live on a tight budget.
While I believe God will meet all of my needs, I find my self often questioning the things I desire for my life, "is it a need or a want?"
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:12&19)
I believe God does fulfill his promises even if they take, what to us humans, seem like forever. Look how long Israel had to wait to return to their land! While we wait on His promises, God vows to be with us and watch over us. If He's with us, we must be in His presence.
15 I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”(Genesis 28:15)
Last Sunday the pastor of the church I attend gave an illustration of of the Holy Spirit in us. He placed a closed hand inside of a glove and asked, "Can the glove get anymore of the hand in it?" The answer clearly was no, the whole hand is in there, the glove can't get more of the hand. Although, the hand can get more of the glove by opening up the fingers and stretching them out. We received all of the Holy Spirit we're going to receive when we were saved, just as the whole hand was in the glove, it didn't fill the glove. However, just like the hand,the Holy Spirit can and should get more of us. The Holy Spirit should fill all of us. As I've been chewing on this thought for almost a week now, I've come to realize, it isn't I who am missing out on more of God, it is God who is missing more of me.
There are plenty of verses in the Bible that speak of God's presence and how He is with us. Verses like Isaiah 41:10, "10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We're reminded that we can't be separated from Him. "38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39)
So, if He is in us, how do we experience more of His presence? How do we/I receive the guidance, I'm seeking. I've been questioning this for weeks now. The other day, with out telling my husband these heavy thoughts on my heart and the devotional I just read, he proceeds to tell me how in this life, we're just going to have to work hard. True, or not, that's not what I want to hear. Then, later that morning I hear one co-worker say to another, "I hate my life, and roll her eyes." The other co-worker says, "we all do, except maybe Dee Dee." I'm glad people see that in me, but I'm sad I struggle with being discontent. It saddens me more thinking there are many people who feel the same way my co-workers do. Maybe that could have been a time I could witness, but I was too caught up in my own discontent and guilt of giving over to it so wholeheartedly.
Later at lunch, that same day, a student of mine ( I'm a teaching assistant in a special Ed. life skills class) gets upset about not being allowed to have the chips he wanted at lunch (it didn't go with the entrée he picked and he couldn't put back what he picked, because he already touched it). They were there, right in front of him, he almost grabbed them, it's what he wanted, but the lunch lady said he couldn't have them. He cried and cried big heaving sobs. Then, all of the sudden, he wipes his face off, looks up, and says, " it's a beautiful day." He smiled and laughed and started drinking his chocolate milk, just as content as can be. How quickly your perspective can change your whole attitude!
I don't know what it looks like yet, or how to walk it all out, but I know I need a change of perspective, maybe even a change of environment (career), in order to better seek and or experience God's presence. If I could experience more of His presence, my direction and contentment should become more clear and evident. In order to feel more of Him in me, I need to give more of me over to Him. I can't let my discontent in this life hinder my witnesses to others. It's all a work in progress! Even if I don't understand it all now.
Do you have a spirit filled glove? Have you given God permission to stretch further into the fingers of your glove?
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